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my son is 9, and on occasion i will drag him into my lap for a good long hug, and he loves to have his back rubbed, but I rub the upper/middle of his back, for a min.or two, and he's usually leaning way forward anyhow....even this is pretty rare, and might last a short min. or two, then he's off and running. He is pretty huggy, but not to big on those "slobbers" kissing. lol And if so, its ONLY on the cheek, no lips man! lol And in no way, except inadvertatly when in a typical hug, does he ever touch my breast. Thats just .....ew...wrong wrong wrong. I think its great for moms/sons to be close and affectionate, but this really sounds over the line.....what about making an appointment w/a neutral pediatrician and ask their advice too?
best of luck!
Tiffany
I agree with the posting that the sitting on the lap, rubbing the back isn't necessarily odd...just them wanting the normal mother/son relationship, but I stop defending the "normalness" with the kissing of the breast. WHAT! Maybe you can suggest that the three of you go to counseling together just to "work on your family relationship" and see if you get those dynamics straightened out!
No, that is not normal healthy behavior. I would make it clear to her that you love her and do not want to lose her or her son in your life, but that she and her son need to get some psychiatric help or you cannot be with her. I would encourage her just to see someone even once and explain this so she can hear from someone besides you that this is not normal. At this point she is just going to get mad at you every time you bring it up. She needs to hear from an imparital party, a professional, that this is not ok.
That is indeed extremely bizarre behavior. The fact that she brushes it off as nothing is also pretty alarming. I'd run far and fast from this one if I were you.
Anyone else concerned that a person's first post on a message board would be so.... personal and well, explicit?
I don't know... a "truth detector" is kinda going off for me...
It could be that OP surfed to find some place to post where he could get some answers . . . so he signed up on this board specifically to see what others think. I don't think anyone should assume it is not legit just b/c it was his first post. Everyone finds this board for a reason . . . so maybe he surfed and found it . . . and is totally sincere.
I don't think he was trying to shock anyone by the details - leaving off the details of the story would get very different responses. For ex., if he has just posted - my g/f's son and she seem to be overly affectionate - lots of us would have said - Awwwww - come on - mothers and sons - nothing wrong w/ showing some affection. It was the details that made us all stop and think about how "normal" or "inappropriate" the behaviors may be.
So I don't know, Jen . . . you may be right . . . but I kinda think the guy is really concerned and needed some anonymous outside opinions. After all, who is he gonna tell this to? Other than a priest or a therapist . . . I really would be cautious about talking about this to other people.
I did not want to discuss this issue with friends as it is very personal and needed as much feedback as possible.
Thanks to all who responded, You've been very helpful!
I hope you have gotten some input that was helpful, Tanner. It appears you have been a positive influence in the boy's life . . . I am sure these are good people . . . we can all get off-track at times and need someone else to help us figure out the puzzle pieces. There may be nothing going on w/ your g/f and her son but a mother who is clinging to her son and not wanting him to grow up so fast . . . or it could be a signal of other things that need to be addressed so that the mother/son relationship is more healthy. In either case, you are wise to at least consider what it may mean . . . and take it from there . . .
I hope you won't desert the board . . . and will let us know how things work out for you. We all learn by each others experiences!
TannerToo it is definately not normal behavior for a 13 year old boy to kiss his mother on the breast. We saw similar behavior out of a Mother/Son in a school where I taught. Mom would kiss the boy right on the lips and tell everyone he was her, "Little Husband." Of course we refered this to the school social worker. I would consider Mom's strong reaction to your concerns a big indication that she knows on some level it's weird.
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Well, who knows?
