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Old 01-01-2008, 10:09 AM
1,156 posts, read 3,231,908 times
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If the mom and son have been each other's only family for a while, I can see how what was once innocent cuddles could have carried on too long and become inappropriate closeness. However, mom needs to snap out of it and gently distance herself and teach the son normal boundaries, for his own sake.
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Old 01-01-2008, 02:07 PM
Location: NJ
9,217 posts, read 20,236,504 times
Reputation: 6325
Originally Posted by tiffela74 View Post
my son is 9, and on occasion i will drag him into my lap for a good long hug, and he loves to have his back rubbed, but I rub the upper/middle of his back, for a min.or two, and he's usually leaning way forward anyhow....even this is pretty rare, and might last a short min. or two, then he's off and running. He is pretty huggy, but not to big on those "slobbers" kissing. lol And if so, its ONLY on the cheek, no lips man! lol And in no way, except inadvertatly when in a typical hug, does he ever touch my breast. Thats just .....ew...wrong wrong wrong. I think its great for moms/sons to be close and affectionate, but this really sounds over the line.....what about making an appointment w/a neutral pediatrician and ask their advice too?
best of luck!
What you do with your son is ok.. he's 9.. lol

Agree with everyone.. The fact that he is laying across her lap & kissing her breasts is disturbing. If he was sitting next to her or laying on the floor but not across her lap, a back rub is no big deal..

Originally Posted by TannerToo View Post
Anifran is absolutely correct.

I did not want to discuss this issue with friends as it is very personal and needed as much feedback as possible.

Thanks to all who responded, You've been very helpful!
I understand you wanting to be anon. This has to be very disturbing to you.. and I hope that the replies you've gotten make you feel better that you did ask for opinions.

You're a male.. you know what your body was doing at 13, so imagine what his is. I'm not trying to be gross, but if she allows him to keep getting on her lap like that, he may be having other thoughts that aren't healthy. Do you have any reason to believe he's been sexually abused as a child?

Most boys I know want as little touching as possible. hug here, kiss on the cheek. This is why I wonder if there is some kind of history. Who knows it could be innocent and maybe he likes being her "little boy". She needs to start changing the way she rubs his back, no more lap.
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:45 PM
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,630 posts, read 42,792,739 times
Reputation: 57342
I think your instincts are correct on this one. I wonder if, since you and the boy seem to have a healthy relationship, you should have a man to man talk about this with him?
This still leaves the issue unresolved between you and the mother, but at least you can help the kid before you get out of the relationship.
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Old 01-03-2008, 04:04 AM
7,788 posts, read 10,452,492 times
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Originally Posted by TannerToo View Post
I am engaged to a woman with whom I have a very satisfying relationship. She is the mother of a 13 year old son who looks younger than his 13 years, excels in sports, has friends and is involved in other after-school activities; however, he does poorly academically and has been categorized as having ADHD. Until two years ago life was just basically he and his mom. Since the time his mother and I began dating, I have tried to involve myself with him as much as possible by attending all his hockey matches and baseball games, building plane models with him, hiking. We get along very well.
But there is some bizarre behavior going on. During the course of an evening, the boy will sit on his momís lap and they will cuddle in the way a mother would with a much younger child. (My fiancť has said she would love to have a baby, that she misses that time with her son.) He will sit across her lap diagonally while she strokes his bare back at length and he will kiss her breast. I have tried to talk to her once about this, but she fluffs it off as nothing at all.
My question to you is NOT whether I should continue with this woman as I have resolved to leave her if she does not wake up and realize the unnaturalness of the situation as I know it will affect our own relationship. I canít honestly see her continuing this way once he sprouts hair on his face and his voice changes. I would like to hear from you how you think it will play out between them. I am clueless.

thank you in advance

I'd be curious what Mom's relationship with her parents was like...
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Old 01-03-2008, 09:04 PM
3 posts, read 7,219 times
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First, thanks again for all your responses.

Secondly, to answer some of the questions, the mothers relationship with her parents was distant.

Also, I dont feel I could or should talk to the boy about the situation without telling or consent from the mother, and I know she wouln't go for it. I am not a step-parent yet and know i've learned that step-parents at this stage of his life should not be the one to discipline. I also don't feel I have the right to hide something this important from her. It would still be a form of interference.
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Old 01-04-2008, 01:35 PM
Location: Austin, TX
2,707 posts, read 4,655,044 times
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My son just turned 14 and there is no way he would do any of that and NO WAY I would allow him to.
Something is terribly off with them.
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Old 01-04-2008, 02:44 PM
Location: Burlington County NJ
1,969 posts, read 5,290,666 times
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This doesn't send a red flag up for you? Have you even considered what if you have children with her? I can understand the boy not knowing any better, he's learning from her. But - my gosh - if this is ok with her, there is something wrong here.
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