U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:00 AM
 
15,203 posts, read 16,061,842 times
Reputation: 25126

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl View Post
I can help, but a student's expectations should be tempered. If your parents don't have the money for you to attend Princeton, and you don't have scholarships to afford said school, then don't go to Princeton. Why should parents go into hefty debt if the child is not willing to consider Topeka Community College instead?

As I said in an earlier post, we have put some into a 529 plan for our kids, but by the time they are ready to access the funds, it certainly won't be enough to pay four years at a private college. Four years at a community college, most likely. My kids are just hitting middle school, and we are already tempering their expectations.

You want to go to York Tech (local community college less than 20 minutes from our house)? Here you go - your tuition is (probably) covered for all four years. But you are still expected to work part-time to cover your own expenses and pay a modest rent if you continue to live at home. If you change majors part way through that adds a year, you pay for it yourself.

You want to go to Clemson (state school)? Get straight As and seek out all the academic scholarships you can find. Take out as few loans as necessary. We can pay for about two years there. Plan on working part-time while you go to school. Consider going to community college for two years and then transfer in. Try not to change your major.

You want to go to Furman (private uni)? Get straight As, get REALLY good at a sport, and seek out all the sport and academic scholarships you can find. We'll be lucky if we can pay for a year there - most likely we can only pay for one semester. Be prepared to obtain a LOT of loans and have that debt once you have your degree. You will definitely be working part-time while you go to school. Consider a community college for two years and then transfer in.

If my kids go into their high school years knowing these are their options, they'll make their own choice, knowing the ramifications of each. Personally, I hope they go to community college for two years and then decide to either transfer to state school or just stay where they are and finish it out at community college. I really DO NOT want them to be saddled with debt straight out of school, with potentially no way to pay back the loans if they are unable to get a job.
This is pretty much our approach as parents also. When my daughter graduates from high school, we'll have $XXX saved for her to go to college. She can choose where she wants to go to school, but when the money is gone, it's gone. We have a community college and a 4-year public college in our town and if she lives at home and goes to one of those for a couple of years she should be able to graduate without debt. If she goes to a public university out of town, we can pay for the biggest chunk of that. If she wants to go out of state or a private university, she'll either have to get scholarships or borrow money.

We talk about it often so she can be thinking about what she's going to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:00 AM
gg
 
Location: Pittsburgh
16,979 posts, read 17,204,341 times
Reputation: 10811
It is sad kids these days will start life with $100K of debt! If you live in Pennsylvania, that is the cost even at state schools. As a parent, I feel it would be nice to at least chip in. How the heck are these kids going to pay for all this starting out? No car? No home until they are 40? It makes me sick how colleges across the country raised tuition as much and as fast as they did, but greed is all over the place including colleges. Gone are the days you can work your way through school, unless you want to be in college for 10 years. It is a big scam!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:08 AM
 
15,395 posts, read 8,692,941 times
Reputation: 13780
Quote:
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
I should clarify, but I'm really not arguing people should pay 100% for their children's education, but you should at least have something saved up to help your child out.

btw, I also received scholarships, and I've been working part time since the age of 16. The total cost of my college education will be 50k (it could have been around 5k less if I lived in a cheaper place, but my parents insisted I live where I currently live).

//50k isn't going to make or break my parents retirement funds (my parents have made it a point to share their finances with me in order to teach me about savings, spending, investments, etc).

If 50k makes or breaks your retirement fund, maybe you should get a financial planner.

I really don't think finding a way to save up around 50k per child in 18 years is really too much of a sacrifice to ensure your kid has a decent start in life. It's around $2,800/year per child if you saved up from birth. If you can't put that much away a year per child, should you really be reproducing?

**I think 50k is a reasonable amount. It's two years ticket price (including room, books, and food) at a typical state school. You really shouldn't be paying ticket price for any college, in my opinion.
Oh, Buttercup, why don't you get back to me in 30 years or so. Then you will have a little perspective.

Just a tip, on your road to adulthood: that retirement fund is THEIRS. To decide how much is enough for them to have in there, or that a certain dollar amount is ok to take from it, is NOT your call. They earned it, they can do whatever they want with it. Maybe they want to travel. Maybe they want to pursue an expensive hobby. Maybe they want to gamble it away. Maybe they want to make sure they have enough money to live on their whole lives so they don't have to rely on a selfish, spoiled child to care for them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:11 AM
 
15,395 posts, read 8,692,941 times
Reputation: 13780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Do you think this is what is ideal for most young adults? I don't. I think it is great that you survived it and have been successful in obtaining your education. However, I can't understand why a parent with the means to help their children would choose this type of life for them. I do not understand the mindset of parents with means, who choose to make their children suffer to obtain an education.

I understand that there are parents without means. If parents can't help then they cant. Parents should not be expected to live in squalor to send an adult child to school.

I also understand that there are times when the parent-child relationship is toxic. In such cases it is often better for the child to just get away from the toxic relationship.

For other people I simply do not understand the idea that they day a child turns 18 or graduates from high school he is to be cut loose to fend for himself. I just don't understand it. I understand parents who say they think their child should have some skin in the game and pay for something. But I cannot understand parents who are able to help and simply choose to see their child struggle. It is just a foreign concept to me.
Because getting an education without some sort of sacrifice usually means the child doesn't value it at all. If you earn it, it becomes very precious to you. And as for "suffering" - lately, the definition of suffering has come to mean "having to work through college, and living with roomates."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,047 posts, read 32,742,081 times
Reputation: 57167
Quote:
Originally Posted by bradykp View Post
My parents didn't pay for my college education. i'm succeeding quite well though, and they helped a tremendous amount.
Hey, guess what - same here! Well, actually they paid for half my tuition but they expected me to work and pay for the other half.

My parents raised me to be independent, hard working, curious, ethical, and to expect and deliver excellence in the workplace. That was the biggest help they could give me - much more valuable lessons than any course I ever attended in college, regardless of who paid for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:25 AM
 
15,203 posts, read 16,061,842 times
Reputation: 25126
Quote:
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
I should clarify, but I'm really not arguing people should pay 100% for their children's education, but you should at least have something saved up to help your child out.

btw, I also received scholarships, and I've been working part time since the age of 16. The total cost of my college education will be 50k (it could have been around 5k less if I lived in a cheaper place, but my parents insisted I live where I currently live).

//50k isn't going to make or break my parents retirement funds (my parents have made it a point to share their finances with me in order to teach me about savings, spending, investments, etc).

If 50k makes or breaks your retirement fund, maybe you should get a financial planner.

I really don't think finding a way to save up around 50k per child in 18 years is really too much of a sacrifice to ensure your kid has a decent start in life. It's around $2,800/year per child if you saved up from birth. If you can't put that much away a year per child, should you really be reproducing?


**I think 50k is a reasonable amount. It's two years ticket price (including room, books, and food) at a typical state school. You really shouldn't be paying ticket price for any college, in my opinion.
OP, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt because you're young, but comments like these make it hard. As another poster said, get back with us in 30 years and let us know how things have worked out for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:28 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,007,171 times
Reputation: 42372
Quote:
Originally Posted by MordinSolus View Post
It's easy to say that kids should just "build character" and such by paying for their own college education by working, but college is a racket these days. You pay more and get less than you used to. Tuition costs are tantamount to highway robbery and most college graduates are saddled with student loan debt in the tens of thousands of dollars before they even really begin their adult lives. And the interest adds up faster than you can imagine. It's like being born with a mortgage. Parents who don't start a college fund for their children early are irresponsible. You can say "what if you don't make enough money?" but that's the entire point of saving. A little bit at a time, over a long period adds up to more than a little bit. $50 a month for 18 years adds up to almost $11,000. That would be a huge boon for a college student.
And isn't the whole point of raising kids making their lives better than yours? If you can't afford to help your children then why did you have them in the first place?
Do your parents pay for your cell phone, Internet, and cable? How much do you think that costs? Hint: it's more than $50.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:28 AM
 
2,775 posts, read 2,584,820 times
Reputation: 2967
Quote:
Originally Posted by gg View Post
It is sad kids these days will start life with $100K of debt! If you live in Pennsylvania, that is the cost even at state schools. As a parent, I feel it would be nice to at least chip in. How the heck are these kids going to pay for all this starting out? No car? No home until they are 40? It makes me sick how colleges across the country raised tuition as much and as fast as they did, but greed is all over the place including colleges. Gone are the days you can work your way through school, unless you want to be in college for 10 years. It is a big scam!
Your last sentence is spot on: "It is a big scam!" - welcome to the real world Neo, you have just woken up.

The truth is that this is all by design folks... it is modern day slavery and the ones running the show control the printing and valuation of money. In all seriousness, think it through and you will see the truth, the wool has been pulled over everyone's eyes slowly over a few generations to make it more acceptable.

Here's a riddle: If you are exchanging your limited time on this planet working for others so you can earn just enough money to pay the same others for what you consume/use/need to live all the while the value of money keeps decreasing and opportunities to earn enough to save disappear as time goes on... what is the difference between that scenario and slavery? Answer: the difference is an illusion of freedom.

In traditional slavery, the children of slaves were by default slaves. One of the illusions generations of "free" people have been sold is that you have mobility out of this slave state, that your children can do better. Really think this through though... are your children by being encouraged into debt as soon as adulthood begins being lifted up or out or simply are you helping them become enslaved by "the others." Would a better direction be to band together with family and friends, learn to share resources to stay out of debt (or to work out of it), and then try to live a sustainable/comfortable life style as off the grid as the Government allows? At lease for this point in time, that makes more sense to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:46 AM
 
1,390 posts, read 1,958,899 times
Reputation: 1547
If your kid blows their education because you are paying for it, the problems existed well before college. I am position I am in today because my parents paid for my college and (gasp) bought me a car at 16, which I still drive. I am in my late 20s, with a kid, house and a stay at home wife. Absolutely no way I could have done that with debt. Only debt I have is a 15 year mortgage which will be paid off at 40.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2014, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Texas
1,029 posts, read 1,156,849 times
Reputation: 1982
OP, there is a lot more to life than you have seen so far. You've worked hard, and that is to your credit. But your life, the life your parents gave you, is not the only way to happiness and success.

Someone hit on it earlier - affordability means different things to different families. I know families who cannot imagine not providing their children with a close-to-brand-new car (it is safer), new (designer) clothes several times a year, cell phones with unlimited data plans, a tv in their bedroom, private tutors to ace the SATs, etc. They also insist on living in THE very best school district and pay through the nose for it, and they think the state school is not good enough for their child.

I live in a decent school district but not THE very best one. My kids don't have cell phones, tvs in their bedrooms, etc. The oldest will drive my 10-year-old car when she gets her license. I can afford differently. I choose not to.

I have friends who live in a trailer park in a decent school district. They shop at thrift stores. There isn't money for a lot of toys or extras. There certainly won't be money for college. Yet the kids are well-fed and well-loved, and they are well-adjusted, polite children who are a joy to be around.

Any one of these children can be successful in life. Some may have to work harder than others. It depends on how much it is worth it to that particular person, and whether they make wise decisions in pursuit of their goals.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top