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Old 10-07-2014, 01:03 PM
1,820 posts, read 1,984,215 times
Reputation: 2576


The government states that today the cost to raise one child to age 18 is over $240,000. The average family probably cannot afford college. In my case my parents paid nothing. I did it all and the trip did require a little longer. I have two degrees from a major national university one of which is a doctor's.
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Old 10-07-2014, 01:04 PM
2,615 posts, read 4,103,045 times
Reputation: 1870
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
My 2nd husband (my *last* husband) put himself through college 7,000 years ago (late 1970s). He was very poor (Appalachian poverty), got a scholarship, but also worked as a janitor for several years. Hard times, but good life lessons. He's been a litigation attorney for 30+ years now.

When it was time for his son to go to college, my husband spent many tens of thousands to put his son through four years of college. He didn't want Junior to have to work like he'd worked. (Boy, I could write an entire essay on that.)

Well, that story did not have a happy ending.

Even if you have the money to pay for a child's degree, it's not always a good thing.
I'm sure the reason Junior did not turn out like Senior has little to nothing to do with the fact that Senior saved money for Junior's college. There are likely other issues (probably money related).
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Old 10-07-2014, 01:07 PM
Location: Fort Gordon, GA
498 posts, read 756,490 times
Reputation: 1205
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
I read this article
Fewer parents helping to pay for college - Jun. 26, 2014

I don't know much about their sources or anything, but it's saying only 77% of parents plan to help their kids out with college.

Why have a kid if you don't want to (or have the means to) help the kid succeed?

Say what you like about college, but good luck moving anywhere without a college degree.

Even a masters degree is becoming a pre req for a lot of good jobs.
Does it mean they "plan" to help their kids out with college in the same way that I "plan" to clean up my apartment this weekend? (and have "planned" every weekend for the last six months)
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Old 10-07-2014, 01:09 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,217 posts, read 50,499,962 times
Reputation: 60100
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Some people want as much for their children. And, if that means learning financial maturity a few years before their classmates, I see no problem with it. I admit, I sometimes wonder if we did the correct when we paid for our boys' expenses. Knock wood, two of them graduated on time, and are doing well. The 3rd needed a 5th year due to changing his major, and he hasn't found a job in his field yet after graduating in May.

I don't think any of my boys are "hungry". They know we won't refuse them if they have a legitimate need.
I'm just really not sure that's a good thing.
I went into debt for my kid's college education. It's going to take me some years to pay it off. I know that isn't the PC thing to do, but she is my only child and raising her is the only thing, frankly, that has made my life of any value.

I didn't go to college, and neither did her father, and we wanted that for her. She has debt of her own, as well. Her father also took on some of the debt, but he lost his job when she was halfway through and I had to pick up the slack (an echo of what our marriage was like, lol). Because I was doing fairly well by the time she went to college, despite my lack of education, and her father had gotten himself together enough to hold a steady job, she wasn't eligible for much in the way of financial aid. She did get a scholarship from the Chinese government to study there for a semester, however, which she did in her junior year.

She just moved to China last week to teach English. The job comes with a housing allowance and a salary that will allow her to pay her student loans easily enough.
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Old 10-07-2014, 01:10 PM
2,620 posts, read 2,347,199 times
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Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
Why have a kid if you don't want to (or have the means to) help the kid succeed?
And this is why I don't subscribe to the Parenting forum. It's the pretentious, snippety comments that always seem to surround topics of parenting that make my blood boil.

Got sucked in on this thread because it hit my sidebar. Next time I'll know better.

(And yes, I am paying for my son's college. I would just never dream of slamming people who can't.)
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:39 PM
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
Reputation: 12046
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I suppose you think that every parent who has means should be required to will all of the assets they worked for to their children as well.
Bill Gates is not willing his children any of his assets, neither is Warren Buffet or numerous others who are beyond having means to do so.
They feel their children should earn their own way and be responsible for themselves and not count on a hand out from their parents.
Paying for a child's education when you have means is not the same as willing them billions of dollars. Peter Buffet went to Stanford University. Susie and Howard Buffet went to Northwestern and I am fairly certain that their father paid for each child' education.

In my world family is there to ease the burden of life, not to make it harder. I don't understand the idea that a parent would have plenty of money and not use some of it to make a child, sibling, or parent's life easier. Education is something you give your children (if you can) to make their lives easier. It is something they have forever.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:45 PM
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
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Originally Posted by ringwise View Post
Because getting an education without some sort of sacrifice usually means the child doesn't value it at all. If you earn it, it becomes very precious to you. And as for "suffering" - lately, the definition of suffering has come to mean "having to work through college, and living with roomates."
I think you missed the part where I said: " I understand parents who say they think their child should have some skin in the game and pay for something."

I do understand having kids have to contribute something to their own education. What I do not understand is parents who have means who give nothing at all. I can't wrap my arms around the idea that you love and nurture a child for 18 years and then throw them under the bus.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:48 PM
Location: Austin, Texas
3,093 posts, read 3,986,344 times
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Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I worked part time in college and paid for all my books and supplies, as well as my rent and living expenses. I also went to public schools during prior to college.

My brother, who is ten years younger than me, attended a posh private prep school and then my parents paid the entire bill for college for him, for about 7 years. He never had even a part time job during the five years it took him to get a bachelor's degree. Though he was an adult in his thirties while pursuing his master's degree, my parents still paid for all of it.

I paid for my own real estate license and insurance licenses as well (as any adult would expect to).

Meanwhile, my husband was footing the whole bill for his associate's degree in petroleum engineering, his CDL, HAZMAT, etc certifications.

My brother - well, he just didn't pan out. He's STILL a student (in his forties) and has never held a full time job. He has spent his life basically avoiding full time employment. Meanwhile, my husband and I have both enjoyed very fulfilling careers and are "living the American dream." With no college debt.

It basically boils down to an individual's work ethic and talents, whether Mom and Dad foot the bill or not. You can't make a silk purse out of sow's ear after all. But parents can and should instill a work ethic in their children - and they shouldn't wait till after college to try to do so. By then, it's too late.

My step son is 21 and a full time student. Unfortunately, his father (my husband) didn't really have any sort of say in where he went to school or the arrangements for that situation. He told me, "He's my son, and whether he works or not, I have always expected to pay for a portion of his college, so that's what I'll do. But I've told him repeatedly that if he wants more from me, he's going to have to get a part time job to show me that he understands the value of an earned dollar." So we pay a set amount each month. Once every couple of months, his son will call wanting money for something, and my husband asks, "Do you have a part time job yet? That's the perfect way to pay for these little extra perks and life's unexpected necessities." So far, three and a half years in - no part time job. No interest in one. He's living la vida loca though, and talking about law school or a master's degree after this.

"The Professional Student" - ahhhh, what a great life. It's usually quite shocking to them when reality comes along in their mid twenties and they realize that stuff is, well, not free. And their youthful charm has quite worn away.
Not all students are developed enough upon high school graduation to be able to hold down a job AND maintain a good GPA at the same time. That doesn't make them lazy or free loaders. Some kids just can't do it. If you were able too that's good, but everybody is different. There's no one size fits all way to raise a child.

I realize that not all parents can afford to assist with college education. But to those that can, I believe they should help out. It's up to them to recognize what the particular limitations of their student are.

Just one man's opinion.
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Old 10-07-2014, 03:03 PM
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
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Originally Posted by riaelise View Post
I don't know. When I was 18, I *wanted* to be liberated from parental support and fend for myself. Then again, I'm my mother's (and my grandmother's) daughter. We're extremely independent by nature. Having my parents foot the bill for everything would mean that I was still tethered to them in some way and that's not what I desired. I am eternally grateful for their contributions to my education, but they didn't have the ample means that the OP's parents had and I have zero problem with that. I took out student loans under MY name, applied for Pell Grants, had scholarships, AND worked two jobs. I would NEVER think to expect them to pay $50,000 or more for my education.

I'm with Girl. We'll save a certain amount for college educations and that's it. Whatever it is, that's what it is. It doesn't matter how much either of us make and we're not pulling funds out of our retirement or putting second liens on our home.
But you will help right? My post wasn't about paying for every single expense of a college aged child but rather about parents who have money who could help but choose not to help. I wasn't really talking about people who qualify for Pell Grants, but rather people who have means to help their kids but simply refuse. Having a set amount of money to contribute is helping. Helping does not have to mean paying for all expenses.
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Old 10-07-2014, 03:09 PM
Location: New Yawk
8,652 posts, read 4,786,033 times
Reputation: 14011
I'm fine with paying for tuition and books, but they are on their own for room and board if they choose to live on campus.
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