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Old 10-05-2014, 10:34 PM
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
Reputation: 30256


Originally Posted by eok View Post
Kids who know how to manipulate their parents don't have to be satisfied with one or two degrees at their parents' expense. They can keep going to college till their parents start to give them the third degree.
OMG! My niece changed her major three times. When she FINALLY graduated, she decided it wasn't what she wanted to do, and she went to a trade school even though my sister would have paid for her to go back to college. I really thought she was going to be a professional student for eternity, but she makes damn good money in the career she ultimately chose---way more money than she'd ever make with her degree. She would have saved my sister tons of money if she had figured out what she wante to do with her life sooner, but my sister isn't complaining.
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Old 10-05-2014, 10:43 PM
7,913 posts, read 3,729,368 times
Reputation: 10399
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
My 2nd husband (my *last* husband) put himself through college 7,000 years ago (late 1970s). He was very poor (Appalachian poverty), got a scholarship, but also worked as a janitor for several years. Hard times, but good life lessons. He's been a litigation attorney for 30+ years now.

When it was time for his son to go to college, my husband spent many tens of thousands to put his son through four years of college. He didn't want Junior to have to work like he'd worked. (Boy, I could write an entire essay on that.)

Well, that story did not have a happy ending.

Even if you have the money to pay for a child's degree, it's not always a good thing.
Great story and point.

Many people work one or two jobs to pay their way through college. I know a successful MD that worked to put himself through medical school and came home so tired he had to get into an ice bath to keep himself awake long enough to study for the next class day. After class was out, it was back to work, then back home to another ice bath. He made plenty of sacrifices to do it, but he was successful.

He did help his son financially to go to medical school, but still insisted he work part time to cover some of the expenses to have some skin in the game. His son is now a successful MD is in own right, and has his head screwed on straight.
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Old 10-05-2014, 10:50 PM
256 posts, read 259,471 times
Reputation: 705
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
To every horror story, there's a good one.

i'm a senior in college, and my parents paid the full amount. However, I've already gotten (and accepted) a job offer from a major company with a decent start salary (60k). It wouldn't have happened without college (and really my parents supporting me).

As a side note, my parents are telling me to give up the job and to continue on getting a masters degree (on their dime).

Well, it will not look good to turn down a job you've already accepted. That will be noted if you ever apply there again....

Turning down 60K a year just to get your masters is silly, you can easily work and get your masters ("on your parents $20,000-dime"). Most big universities have programs for business professionals looking to get their masters, so its not impossible. If you think "well let me wait 2-3 years for my masters and then i'll get a 100k a year job" then just don't because you can not count on the untold future - on job offers you just DO NOT KNOW if they will come. Take the job now, and when you get your masters in two to three years you'll have already gotten a raise, and with the new degree hopefully a new title in at a place you ALREADY work at it. Just seems easier to get your foot in the door now, not wait until you're even older.
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Old 10-05-2014, 11:39 PM
786 posts, read 572,565 times
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Agree that parents should pay for college, thats why 90% of our household goods/clothes are from the thrift store. Any degree you can earn with a high GPA while "working your way through" isn't worth a hill of beans.

The op is going to be one sad puppy when he realizes that HIS kid's tuition (20 some years from now) is going to be in the ballpark of 350,000, not 50k.
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Old 10-05-2014, 11:48 PM
3,070 posts, read 4,173,753 times
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The premise that if you can't pay for you child's college you shouldn't even have them is so preposterous. Total elitist snobbery idealized immature thinking.

Following this philosophy one could as well ask:

If you can't have pretty children should you have them?

If you can't have smart children should you have them?

If you can't have talented children should you have them?

If you can't have physically perfect children should you have them?

If you can't have blue eyed blonde children should you be allowed to have them?

Should you be allowed to live if you aren't a blue eyed blonde?

See where this line of thought goes all too quickly? We are all so very happy that you, OP, are so much better off and wealthier than us poor people that can't afford to pay our children's college costs. What were we thinking?
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Old 10-05-2014, 11:57 PM
35,121 posts, read 37,816,014 times
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Originally Posted by PeachSalsa View Post
Earning more than minimum wage is rare. Working enough hours to pay tuition, pay rent, pay expenses is very difficult for today's college student. Even more difficult if the student wants to be involved in campus groups, etc. My oldest was so proud of himself when he announced to me that he would be saving money by moving off campus into a really cheap apartment with 3 buddies one year. That "really cheap" apartment was infested with roaches and mice. Whenever he came home, he inevitably brought home a roach or 2 that had hidden in his backpack or luggage or whatever. Suddenly, I was fighting roaches. That "cheap apartment" became really expensive with pest control, stress, and anxiety. Never again. <shudder>

My kids' jobs while in college are maintaining their grades, thus keeping their scholarships, which are all academic. What their scholarships are worth are FAR MORE than they could ever earn while working part time during the school year. Also, they would have to sacrifice being involved in campus clubs, which are important to their majors, thus giving them both networking advantages and leadership experience within their area of studies.

My kids all know that if they wish to live at home after college to work and save money, they are more than welcome to do so. Will they have some expenses while living at home? Sure! But the quality of their living area will be far superior for a lot less money than some trashy apartment, thus allowing them to save and invest, and then later move to their own homes as they save money.

You are not doing your kids any favors however, they are your kids not ours so it is your choice.

Each of our children (5 of them) have gone to college and have varying levels of degrees.
They each paid their own way, they each have/had jobs, got married, had children and still kept grades up, paid their own way, bought homes or paid rent, utilities, etc. None of them ever moved back home once they left for college and none of them have asked for one penny in help. The most we have been allowed to do for them is take the kids for an evening or weekend so they could have a bit of alone time.

They even had the time to be in campus clubs and athletics so I'm not sure where the sacrifice you are talking about comes in regarding that.

I guess they all thought being mature adults and earning what they wanted on their own was much more important and rewarding to them than counting on Mom & Dad.
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:14 AM
Location: West Hollywood
3,196 posts, read 2,353,016 times
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It's easy to say that kids should just "build character" and such by paying for their own college education by working, but college is a racket these days. You pay more and get less than you used to. Tuition costs are tantamount to highway robbery and most college graduates are saddled with student loan debt in the tens of thousands of dollars before they even really begin their adult lives. And the interest adds up faster than you can imagine. It's like being born with a mortgage. Parents who don't start a college fund for their children early are irresponsible. You can say "what if you don't make enough money?" but that's the entire point of saving. A little bit at a time, over a long period adds up to more than a little bit. $50 a month for 18 years adds up to almost $11,000. That would be a huge boon for a college student.
And isn't the whole point of raising kids making their lives better than yours? If you can't afford to help your children then why did you have them in the first place?
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:30 AM
Location: Wonderland
40,954 posts, read 32,676,353 times
Reputation: 57057
There is no way I will help an adult child with any college expenses if they're not working part time. They need to have some skin in the game.
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:34 AM
Location: Wonderland
40,954 posts, read 32,676,353 times
Reputation: 57057
Originally Posted by Hemlock140 View Post
I wonder how they found the people they surveyed. I find it amazing that 77% of parents say they plan to help their child pay for college, and hard to believe it was 81% last year. For one thing, only 65% of high school graduates even go to college.
Well, saying and doing are two different things.

Whether the parents help financially or not, I still believe the students even in high school benefit from part-time jobs, to learn responsibility, time management, the truth about taxes, and to appreciate things more when they have to pay for at least part, and that includes their education.
Preach it.
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Old 10-06-2014, 01:00 AM
Location: North Phoenix/Moon Valley
974 posts, read 2,476,119 times
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We were fortunate to have the best of both worlds with our youngest son. He did very well in high school and earned an academic scholarship to a state college that paid about 75% of his tuition. What a relief. BTW we asked him when he was a junior in high school what college he wanted to go to, and being the parents of a blended family of 5 other much older children, we actually were ready for the empty nest and hoped he wanted to go somewhere out of state... But he chose the in state college (ASU) which was a fine choice anyway. Before my husband and I met we were never in financial condition to help any of our other 5 children with college expenses... so I understand completely that situation. You do what you can when you can and hope that scholarship and financial aid in the form of grants and loans will help your child achieve their goals.

As to part time employment, our son is fortunate, and he is very aware of this because he does not have a sense of entitlement when he has "earned" everything he has. He does work during the summer, but during the school session he usually takes 17 to 20 credits. So since he went into his freshman year with 17 credits from A/P classes from high school, he is definitely on track to graduate within 4 years. And that is our mutual goal with him to save us and him money.

Obviously everyone's situation is different and family needs to support their child's education any way they can, whether that is financially, emotionally, or a combination of both. Be there for your student no matter what. It really does make a difference when the family is engaged and involved.
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