U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 10-06-2014, 07:00 AM
 
Location: South Florida
637 posts, read 1,010,693 times
Reputation: 1914

Advertisements

We did Florida Prepaid for each of our kids, starting in the first enrollment period after they were born. At the time that we were making these decisions, Florida schools were okay, but I figured it was a floor. If they could do better with scholarships, great. In the meantime, tuition everywhere has skyrocketed, but Florida schools have grown in their competitiveness. That "floor" that I set almost 18 years ago is actually a pretty good deal, so we have that to fall back on. The kids have worked hard in high school, earning academic scholarships that have made private high school affordable and will be also be eligible for Florida Bright Futures scholarships.

I have told them what financial help they can expect from us but that, under no circumstances will their father and I be going into debt to pay for anything. We have been making the sacrifices all along to get them where they need to be at this point and, while we won't abandon them, we have to look out for ourselves as we head into retirement years. I don't care what FAFSA says, THIS is the amount you can expect from us. This seems fair. It's very doable for them. It won't be easy, but it will be within reach. They are conducting their college searches accordingly because they don't want to take on much debt either. They will be applying to several Florida schools, but also a few dream schools and see how that goes.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,760 posts, read 4,294,935 times
Reputation: 5977
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
I agree with your POV 100%. My mother and father would not. If they raised you, you would NOT have that 10,000 saved because the moment you started working they would have charged you rent, made you pay for your clothing and food. True story. Then you would have gotten a barrage of disinformation and discouragement in your major.
There's a ton of people who have children for their own selfish twisted reasons and really don't give a damn about providing for them or their future.
Last time I checked, parents are not required by law to provide a college education for their children.

Some can do it, some cannot or choose not to.

My parents charged me rent, and I paid for everything. However, they also assisted with my college tuition (I worked to pay part, and got scholarships as well). But yes, absolutely they charged me rent. My parents didn't raise me to be a freeloader.

If my kids opt to live at home and attend community college, I will expect them to work in addition to taking classes and yes, I'll expect them to pay rent. Not a lot - maybe $100 a month - but enough for them to begin learning about personal responsibility and taking care of themselves.

You say people have kids without expecting to provide for them or their future. Um. I happily provide for my children while they are minors, but once my kids reach ADULTHOOD, why should I provide for them and their future? They are adults. Time to leave the nest and make their own way.

And with any luck I'll have raised them to be independent thinkers and doers who WANT to leave the nest and begin creating a future for themselves.

If they don't, THEN I have failed as a parent.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,954 posts, read 32,676,353 times
Reputation: 57063
I worked part time in college and paid for all my books and supplies, as well as my rent and living expenses. I also went to public schools during prior to college.

My brother, who is ten years younger than me, attended a posh private prep school and then my parents paid the entire bill for college for him, for about 7 years. He never had even a part time job during the five years it took him to get a bachelor's degree. Though he was an adult in his thirties while pursuing his master's degree, my parents still paid for all of it.

I paid for my own real estate license and insurance licenses as well (as any adult would expect to).

Meanwhile, my husband was footing the whole bill for his associate's degree in petroleum engineering, his CDL, HAZMAT, etc certifications.

My brother - well, he just didn't pan out. He's STILL a student (in his forties) and has never held a full time job. He has spent his life basically avoiding full time employment. Meanwhile, my husband and I have both enjoyed very fulfilling careers and are "living the American dream." With no college debt.

It basically boils down to an individual's work ethic and talents, whether Mom and Dad foot the bill or not. You can't make a silk purse out of sow's ear after all. But parents can and should instill a work ethic in their children - and they shouldn't wait till after college to try to do so. By then, it's too late.

My step son is 21 and a full time student. Unfortunately, his father (my husband) didn't really have any sort of say in where he went to school or the arrangements for that situation. He told me, "He's my son, and whether he works or not, I have always expected to pay for a portion of his college, so that's what I'll do. But I've told him repeatedly that if he wants more from me, he's going to have to get a part time job to show me that he understands the value of an earned dollar." So we pay a set amount each month. Once every couple of months, his son will call wanting money for something, and my husband asks, "Do you have a part time job yet? That's the perfect way to pay for these little extra perks and life's unexpected necessities." So far, three and a half years in - no part time job. No interest in one. He's living la vida loca though, and talking about law school or a master's degree after this.

"The Professional Student" - ahhhh, what a great life. It's usually quite shocking to them when reality comes along in their mid twenties and they realize that stuff is, well, not free. And their youthful charm has quite worn away.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:13 AM
 
15,192 posts, read 16,044,725 times
Reputation: 25091
Quote:
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
Maybe, but I'm naturally a saver. I have around 10k saved up (I'm only 21), and I will live with my parents after college graduation for a few years (they have no issue with this) and save up whatever I earn til I feel more financially secure.

I would prefer to live by myself after college (and I'll have the means to do so), and I would have liked to have studied international affairs or history in college, but I'm making sacrifices now to ensure that I will be financially secure in as little time as possible.

If I have a child, I don't want to limit them because I can't afford the basic necessities (college is a necessity of the modern world, in my opinion). I find others opinions on this interesting. I feel that a parent's responsibility is to give their child the best opportunities. From what I can see, not paying for college does more harm than good.
Stella, you sound like you're 21 and I don't mean that in a bad way.

Most parents would be thrilled to have the means to pay for their children's college, but life doesn't always work out like you think it's going to. Any financial planner will tell you that if you have extra money, you need to make saving for retirement a priority because your child can borrow for college but a parent can't borrow for retirement. Because of the economy and the rising cost of a college education, people who can fund both a sound retirement and a college education for their children are becoming increasingly rare.

You sound like you'll be a good parent if you have children. But just be aware that life can throw curve balls and try not to judge people harshly if you haven't been in their position.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:16 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,676,345 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
I read this article
Fewer parents helping to pay for college - Jun. 26, 2014

I don't know much about their sources or anything, but it's saying only 77% of parents plan to help their kids out with college.

Why have a kid if you don't want to (or have the means to) help the kid succeed?

Say what you like about college, but good luck moving anywhere without a college degree.

Even a masters degree is becoming a pre req for a lot of good jobs.
Because there are some parents who raise their children to be self-sufficient and not rely on their parents for their entire lives.

Both of my kids went to college on grants & scholarships, and the only out-of-pocket expenses they had were books, which we helped them pay for. We did not give up our income tax records so that we would be burdened with their education. We wanted them to pay for it themselves so they would have a dog in the hunt, so to speak.

Too many times I have seen friends who financed their kids education, and the kid flunked out, while the parent is still paying while their kid sits at home and plays video games.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:17 AM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,676,345 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by stellastar2345 View Post
To every horror story, there's a good one.

i'm a senior in college, and my parents paid the full amount. However, I've already gotten (and accepted) a job offer from a major company with a decent start salary (60k). It wouldn't have happened without college (and really my parents supporting me).

As a side note, my parents are telling me to give up the job and to continue on getting a masters degree (on their dime).

Proving they know exactly nothing about the world today and they are just throwing money at you. You should have job experience in a career you want to pursue, before you get a Master's degree. Ten bucks says they'll also let you live at home rent-free while you while away the time not bothering to get a job because you simply don't have to.

Sorry, that is not parenting; it is coddling.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:20 AM
 
2,159 posts, read 3,734,820 times
Reputation: 2136
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl View Post
There are many people who *don't* think college is necessary to succeed. Why saddle your child with significant debt that will most likely never be paid off and really doesn't matter in the long run for many kinds of jobs?

I want my kids to succeed, but success doesn't always come along with the piece of paper saying you studied an extra four years.

If my son knows he wants to be a plumber, he doesn't need a 4-year college degree to become one. If he wants to become an EMT, he doesn't need a 4-year degree. If my daughter knows she wants to be a nanny, she doesn't need a 4-year college degree to become one. If she wants to become an admin assistant, she doesn't need a 4-year degree. Would you say my children would NOT be success if they chose such careers for themselves?

Also, four-year degrees don't guarantee better jobs. Look at all the current graduates who are working in Starbucks or Olive Garden because they weren't able to find a job with their shiny new degree in Communications or Business Management.

As for my husband and me, by the time our kids graduate high school, we will have saved enough for our kids to pay for local community college, should they decide to go. We would expect them to get part-time jobs to help pay the bills if they continue to live at home. If they go away to a state school we have enough to pay for about two years. Then they are on their own. If they go to a private university, we'll have enough to pay for one semester. They can decide the route they take, and also take on the responsibility of paying for college should they opt NOT to go to a community college.

I worked through school, and obtained scholarships to help pay for it. I got a 4-year degree that I have not used one little bit in the 25 years since I graduated. While the experience of college was amazing, the degree is useless.
Congrats to your daughter! Sounds like she is doing very well for herself However, 50k in retail is nothing to shake a finger at, pretty good money for retail. Wonder where she would have been in 8 yrs with the same company, had she stayed.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:30 AM
 
Location: ATL -> HOU
4,129 posts, read 3,223,086 times
Reputation: 3149
This whole thread is a laughable amount of anecdotal evidence. "I did this and turned out fine. They did that and are now miserable" For every person I knew with a full ride to college I knew one that had to work a job and everywhere in between.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
2,056 posts, read 1,837,859 times
Reputation: 3530
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
You sound very young and spoiled. Come back in a few years when you understand finances (ie. you're paying your own bills without mommy and daddy) and be indignant then.
Thank you for this. That's point-blank truth right there. You will never be elected to an office in this country, but I'd vote for you.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2014, 10:27 AM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
6,905 posts, read 4,226,960 times
Reputation: 8882
If we are in a financial position to do so, sure. If not, nope. My parents definitely didn't have money set up for me to attend college, and I foot the bill, which I am fine with. I certainly didn't expect them to fund my college education, and I wasn't even sure of what path I wanted to take upon graduating high school.

What our kids choose is their choice, whether it's joining the military, attending a trade school or attending a traditional college or university. If we have the ability to help out I'm sure we would, but I don't feel obligated to pay if the finances simply aren't there.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top