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Old 10-06-2014, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
2,056 posts, read 1,839,368 times
Reputation: 3530

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She will be 15 on Halloween.

Yeah, I know I'm pretty much the darkest-hearted human that has ever walked earth. I mean, I'm just to the right of Attilla the Hun.

I just sick of the puffed up, huffy attitude. Her mom and I were attending her band events at high school, until the last time we came, and she wouldn't even make eye contact with us. WTF-ever. So...I'm like, she can figure it out on her own.
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:53 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,018,139 times
Reputation: 30256
Most teens go through a phase of not wanting anything to do with their parents. They grow out of it and become rational human beings again. Just hang in there. You'll find joy in her again someday and you'll be proud of her.
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Palmer/Fishhook, Alaska
1,256 posts, read 875,434 times
Reputation: 1895
15 in most states is old enough to obtain a work permit so she can work part time. Hours are fairly limited, but it would be better than her just sitting around and demanding your bankroll.
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:56 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,346,221 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
WTF-ever. So...I'm like, she can figure it out on her own.
So she gets her attitude from you. Congratulations! She's Daddy's girl.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-06-2014 at 11:14 AM..
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Hell
377 posts, read 492,438 times
Reputation: 871
My daughter put us through hell from about age 11-19. Horrible attitude and plus she was a trouble maker...sneaking out of windows, running away, drugs, sex with boys, you name it she did it. Her bio dad has a significant psych history and it is quite evident that he passed that curse on to her.
Now at 20 she is almost likable again. So anyway count your blessings that all you are dealing with is a snotty attitude! lol. Hang in there, it gets better!
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:20 AM
 
1,025 posts, read 964,082 times
Reputation: 1775
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
She will be 15 on Halloween.

Yeah, I know I'm pretty much the darkest-hearted human that has ever walked earth. I mean, I'm just to the right of Attilla the Hun.

I just sick of the puffed up, huffy attitude. Her mom and I were attending her band events at high school, until the last time we came, and she wouldn't even make eye contact with us. WTF-ever. So...I'm like, she can figure it out on her own.
FWIW, my daughter's school has strict rules on what the kids are allowed to do while in uniform. Perhaps yours does too??

I can't imagine not being front and center at my child's performances, whether she wants me there or not. Those are your memories too, and, one day, when your teenager becomes a human again, you will be glad you were there to see her.

Have you talked to her about your feelings? Perhaps encouraging her to get a job will not only help with the spending money, but teach her some lessons on respect.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:23 AM
 
9,707 posts, read 7,654,638 times
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Try taking her out to lunch at a place of her choice - just the two of you. Talk about whatever comes up, and avoid being judgmental. Ask her about her goals - does she plan to continue with music into college? What does she want for herself as an adult? What careers interest her? If she could travel anywhere in the world, where would she go? Get to know her better. A few reminisces about your own teenage years are okay, but don't overdo it - that will seem like the Stone Age to her.

And be patient. The snarky attitude will pass, as will the notion that parents are embarrassing (probably why she avoided eye contact at the concert). Give her a fairly slack rein - but be prepared to pull it in when need be.

Compliment her when you honestly can - on whatever deserves praise. Look for her strong points, and focus on those. Also, try to get to know her friends. Be the cool dad - which is not the same as the indulgent dad. Keep on attending her concerts and any other events that involve her, and keep on telling her how proud you are of her accomplishments, even if it seems to embarrass her (you don't have to compliment her in front of her friends - this can be s-o-o-o embarrassing and will likely result in eye-rolling). Keep the praise private - but make sure it's there.

Hang in there...things will get better, but you're going to need patience along with your sense of humor and proportion.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,656,980 times
Reputation: 46995
please don't give up on her. she needs both parents in her corner more now than ever before. but this does not mean you keep giving her cash or stop punishing her for her misdeeds. she's a work in progress.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:30 AM
 
2,319 posts, read 1,982,597 times
Reputation: 3812
When I was 14, I got a part-time job, but it didn't help my attitude very much. If I could go back to the "me" I was then, I'd give "her" several swift kicks and then some.

I started doing things like lying down in the back floorboard of the large '70s Buick so my parents could "take me" to McDonald's, but I didn't want to be seen with them in case I saw other kids. I asked them to go in and get what I wanted. I can't believe they did it.

Everything embarrassed me. I remember at some point asking my father to please walk several paces ahead of me like he wasn't "with me" when we were at the mall. Later, I climbed out windows to see boys, did the sex and drugs, started failing things like TYPING, for heaven's sakes, and finally they sent me to a boarding school at 15. It saved me. I actually wanted to go to get away from them, but then I got there, made friends, learned real discipline, and missed them.

That may not be possible financially, but the only other way I can think of to try to tame her attitude is to pretend to be disinterested in anything she says or does. Don't go see her in the band. Stop making an effort. Don't ask how she's doing. Get caught up in a hobby with your spouse, or pretend to!

Sort of disconnect just enough so she'll start to "miss you." I know if my parents had done that, I would have immediately responded with concern and a sense of fear.

But when I got out of college, I was a different person. Responsible, mature, caring, compassionate, and appreciative of all they'd done for me. Good luck!
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,252 posts, read 49,796,479 times
Reputation: 67072
Once kids are out of college, they can be best friends with their parents...lol.
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