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Old 10-06-2014, 01:52 PM
 
579 posts, read 717,030 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
I hate to be the debbie downer of the day, but my teenage daughter, whom we love so much, simply doesn't bring me the joy I used to have from her.

I guess it's the attitude we get from this child, but all i see her as anymore is a money drain. The only time she speaks to us is when she needs something. Won't even sit in the room with us.

I told my wife this morning that i just don't see her as anything but a financial liability now.

My attitude sucks too, it seems.
I feel your pain. Except for me it feels more like a soul drain than a money drain.

Remember you have the right to say "no" when she asks for stuff. When my teen asks for non-necessary stuff he has to earn it by doing stuff around the house for us. Thankfully he's ok with this.

But the basics you're stuck with... education, braces, drivers ed, etc..

Too bad that band concert didn't have an open bar LOL
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Old 10-06-2014, 02:53 PM
 
33,031 posts, read 12,488,458 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
He who holds the wi-fi password holds the power. Act like a human being...get the password.
So true.
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:00 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,782,209 times
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I was a teenage girl once too. I still treasured my Daddy-daughter dates. Once a year, no matter how bratty I was, he took me out to dinner for my birthday. A few years down the road, he didn't remember how obnoxious I was, and I didn't remember how clueless I thought he was.
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:06 PM
 
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The teen years were tough for me. I missed the cuddly, goofy kids and got tired of being treated like a moron while dishing out money.

One thing that helped is that our family volunteered at the annual holiday meal for the less fortunate starting when they were little. We also volunteered at several other event from time to time. It helped them realize a little how fortunate they were.
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:29 PM
 
11,484 posts, read 5,504,092 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
The teen years were tough for me. I missed the cuddly, goofy kids and got tired of being treated like a moron while dishing out money.

One thing that helped is that our family volunteered at the annual holiday meal for the less fortunate starting when they were little. We also volunteered at several other event from time to time. It helped them realize a little how fortunate they were.
Yes, the teenaged years were tough on me, too.

Back when my daughter went to kindergarten, I would wait at the bus stop when she came home. She used to run off the bus excitedly yelling "Mommy!" then give me a big hug. I remember thinking to myself, "Enjoy these times, one day she will be a teenager". One day it was as if her school bus driver read my mind because she said almost the exact same thing to me.

No doubt, the teenage years are tough. They don't communicate well with you even when you encourage it. They get sneaky so no matter how much you keep tabs on them, they find a way around that.

It's a tough balancing act. We tried to give her some rope but not enough to hang herself.

She is a mother now. One day I said to her "When you have teenagers, I'm going to laugh" She said "Oh, thanks!"
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Old 10-06-2014, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
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Such is one of the very real risks of having children, OP.
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Old 10-06-2014, 06:49 PM
 
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I truly believe there's not a creature on God's green earth more miserable than a teen-aged girl. How any of them manage to make it to adulthood without doing themselves serious damage and how we parents survive raising them without losing our minds is a puzzle.

The most important thing I know about raising one is that if they believe they are loved they will eventually get through it and you will have a daughter. With that in mind, I blundered through, remembering that what came out of my mouth could never be taken back.
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Under the Milky Way
1,100 posts, read 724,210 times
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OP, were you pleasant as teen to your parents? Because most people probably were not. The teenage years are pretty stressful for a lot of kids, and they often take it out on family. It is a difficult time, but be the adult in this situation and keep being there for your daughter. It is upsetting being taken for granted, but she won't be this way forever. Whether she (or you) realizes it now or not she still needs your care and guidance.
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Native Floridian, USA
4,896 posts, read 5,863,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
thank you all for your wonderful comments. I can tell that many of you put in some real thought, and for that, the kindness of strangers, I am grateful.

Even the ones I didn't really want to hear (jrzdefector, pupmom, etc). Grateful to you as well.

Yeah, my attitude sucks and it probably feeds the problem. I will work to not show that side of myself. THAT may be the biggest challenge of all in being a parent to a teen: staying strong, and also being humble. Good Lord, those two things just don't seem to belong in the same room, like she and I!

The daddy-daughter lunch thing idea turns my stomach right now, to be honest. but the things that are the hardest to do are the ones we should work on the most, no?

Thanks again to all of you.
You know, it may not go as well as you hope but you have to keep trying to reach her. She is in a turmoil herself and you have to be an adult, though it is hard. I wasn't very good at it....lol. I am a better grandparent.

Good luck to you, her and your wife. This, too, shall pass if you can stay sane long enough. You are going to make it. Come here and vent.
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:00 PM
 
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“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”

Attributed to Mark Twain
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