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Old 10-07-2014, 02:08 PM
 
5,501 posts, read 3,355,263 times
Reputation: 13917

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
OP, teenage girls are of the devil - especially between the ages of 13 and 15. OF THE DEVIL. When my girls were in that age range (they're 20 months apart), I caught myself thinking, "That whole Lord of the Flies idea, with kids being trapped on a deserted island together...it's not such a bad idea. Where can I send these two horrible creatures for a few years?"

But I practiced tough love from them. I made my expectations clear, and I made sure they knew I loved them even when they also knew I was about to lower the boom on them. Sometimes I had to tell myself, "OK, God must have known that I could handle these two, because I believe He promises not to give us anything we can't handle, so God - help a sister out down here!"
Thanks for posting this (and same to the other posters who acknowledged that teens can be really rotten sometimes).

My oldest is also 15, in fact exactly two months older than the OP's daughter, as her birthday is August 31, and her snotty attitude is absolutely driving me insane.

Not to go into details, as it's not my thread, but I can relate to everything the OP said.

This thread has been really helpful and refreshing to me. It helps to be reassured that lots of other parents have experienced this phase and it will pass. That my daughter is not really the most awful teen on the entire planet ...maybe she's just tied for that position.

Just for the record, it does NOT help to be told that:

a) other people's kids didn't go through this phase but were always "terrific" (because of superior parenting, of course); or

b) the child's bad attitude is merely a reflection of the parent's bad attitude (especially when these were kids that were sweet and loving a few years ago--did the parents change? No. It was the kids who changed).
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,904 posts, read 32,658,014 times
Reputation: 57027
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
That's just not true. I've had my rough moments as a parent, but I really like my kids. I think they're great people. Sure, they sometimes snap at their father and me, but I'm guilty of the same. It's part of being human. Isn't there anyone else here who enjoys their teens?
I enjoyed them sometimes, but for me, my girls were especially challenging during their early teen years. More so than my boys. And obviously, I'm not alone in this general assessment.

That being said, of course we also have some good memories of those years - family vacations, school activities, staying up late watching BBC comedies together, shopping with them for clothes, makeup, shoes, etc., getting together with their grandparents every Sunday for dinner, etc. But it wasn't my favorite stage of their lives. I don't mind admitting it.

By the way, I've always liked my kids too -but I haven't always liked their behavior. And they're great people too - but they're much better behaved now than they were between the ages of 13 and 15.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,046 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mortpes View Post
A parent simply has no chance of any influence over the school, social, media, etc. influences of today.
This is NOT true at all.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:32 PM
 
Location: The analog world
15,572 posts, read 8,742,257 times
Reputation: 20900
Neither is it helpful for someone to make a snide comment about how awful teenagers are within earshot of my three kids, all of whom were perfectly well-mannered. I'm pretty sure my youngest even held the door open for the jackass.

I'm not a superior parent. I've faults out the yin-yang, but I like my kids. They're nice people, in spite of my numerous parenting failures, and the man at Panera Last Thursday should feel ashamed for making them feel otherwise.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,137 posts, read 22,107,592 times
Reputation: 35503
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
That's just not true. I've had my rough moments as a parent, but I really like my kids. I think they're great people. Sure, they sometimes snap at their father and me, but I'm guilty of the same. It's part of being human. Isn't there anyone else here who enjoys their teens?
I thoroughly enjoyed my children at all stages. Did I enjoy every moment? Of course not. I'd venture to guess they did not either. But I can honestly say that I never looked at them or our relationship as a segment of my financial balance sheet either. And I never felt like their personal ATM. That's just not how our family functioned. Thankfully.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:42 PM
 
Location: The analog world
15,572 posts, read 8,742,257 times
Reputation: 20900
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I thoroughly enjoyed my children at all stages. Did I enjoy every moment? Of course not. I'd venture to guess they did not either. But I can honestly say that I never looked at them or our relationship as a segment of my financial balance sheet either. And I never felt like their personal ATM. That's just not how our family functioned. Thankfully.
I don't feel that way either, and I'm also very grateful. My kids often ask for more than I feel comfortable giving them. My stock answer is, "That's just not possible at the moment. Can I help you figure out how to earn the money yourself?" And, yes, they sometimes fuss & fume, but I calmly re-state the above until they get the message.
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,496,291 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I enjoyed them sometimes, but for me, my girls were especially challenging during their early teen years. More so than my boys. And obviously, I'm not alone in this general assessment.

That being said, of course we also have some good memories of those years - family vacations, school activities, staying up late watching BBC comedies together, shopping with them for clothes, makeup, shoes, etc., getting together with their grandparents every Sunday for dinner, etc. But it wasn't my favorite stage of their lives. I don't mind admitting it.

By the way, I've always liked my kids too -but I haven't always liked their behavior. And they're great people too - but they're much better behaved now than they were between the ages of 13 and 15.
I feel the same about my boys now, at age 6. Sure they were cute babies/toddlers, but you couldn't pay me to go through that again 6 is such a wonderful age and I know the day is coming when they'll refuse to hold my hand
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
5,738 posts, read 3,183,522 times
Reputation: 13486
An involved parent certainly can have influence over these things. We weren't even allowed to watch TV most of the time and the computers at home were were restricted by "parental controls" and " key stroker" software. Our parents were quite strict, but very fair and loving. One of my mom's favorite lines was... We're not your friends.. We're your parents. get over it!
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Old 10-07-2014, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,904 posts, read 32,658,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I feel the same about my boys now, at age 6. Sure they were cute babies/toddlers, but you couldn't pay me to go through that again 6 is such a wonderful age and I know the day is coming when they'll refuse to hold my hand
Ohhhh, the sweetness of that age!

My boys drove me a bit crazy in their later teen years (can you say "reckless and impulsive?" ) but even then, there's something about the love that boys so often have for their moms that can smooth some of those rough spots during those years.

My girls, on the other hand, could really pull that beyatch stuff out of the hat - and girls are often so verbally advanced. They could really pull my string verbally sometimes (as well as those arch, snooty looks that so many teen girls have down to a science!).

But like I've said, that was a very short time in their lives - really just about three years, and not all of the time every minute of every day...just enough to make me very grateful for the beautiful memories I had of them when they were younger and sweeter, and just enough to make me very grateful for their grace and maturity and inner beauty as they moved past that awkward, awful age!

Different people love different ages more or less too. For instance, I LOVED the baby age. The toddler years frazzled me but there's hardly anything cuter than a toddler growing into their own personality. Of course, the preschool and school years were sweet and pretty easy in the total scheme of things. Then those early teen years hit and I thought, "OMG what have I gotten myself into????????!!!!!!!" And then...they grew past that and I have really, really enjoyed their early adulthood. LOVE IT. I absolutely love interacting with my adult kids on an adult level, and watching them with their own kids.

It's fantastic.

And I'm here to testify - if you think you love your KIDS a lot...just wait till you hold that first grandchild. BEST. LOVE. EVER.
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Old 10-07-2014, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,496,291 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Ohhhh, the sweetness of that age!

My boys drove me a bit crazy in their later teen years (can you say "reckless and impulsive?" ) but even then, there's something about the love that boys so often have for their moms that can smooth some of those rough spots during those years.

My girls, on the other hand, could really pull that beyatch stuff out of the hat - and girls are often so verbally advanced. They could really pull my string verbally sometimes (as well as those arch, snooty looks that so many teen girls have down to a science!).

But like I've said, that was a very short time in their lives - really just about three years, and not all of the time every minute of every day...just enough to make me very grateful for the beautiful memories I had of them when they were younger and sweeter, and just enough to make me very grateful for their grace and maturity and inner beauty as they moved past that awkward, awful age!

Different people love different ages more or less too. For instance, I LOVED the baby age. The toddler years frazzled me but there's hardly anything cuter than a toddler growing into their own personality. Of course, the preschool and school years were sweet and pretty easy in the total scheme of things. Then those early teen years hit and I thought, "OMG what have I gotten myself into????????!!!!!!!" And then...they grew past that and I have really, really enjoyed their early adulthood. LOVE IT. I absolutely love interacting with my adult kids on an adult level, and watching them with their own kids.

It's fantastic.

And I'm here to testify - if you think you love your KIDS a lot...just wait till you hold that first grandchild. BEST. LOVE. EVER.
Boys do tend to beat the heck out of the house though lol! All our baseboards need a re-paint!
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