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Old 10-10-2014, 06:43 AM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,390,875 times
Reputation: 17163

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It takes two people to have a discussion.

Just completely ignore what they say.

I find it difficult to picture how this unsolicited advice starts but....

Them: "Oh congrats - you should breast feed the baby"

You: "So, did you see Dancing With the Stars the other night when the Duck Dynasty daughter got such high scores again?"

Them:"Oh congrats - you should stay home and not work for the first five years."

You: "Oh wow did you see the price of gas came down again and it's near $3.00 a gallon? I wish we would open up our OWN energy resources MORE so we wouldn't be at the mercy of the Middle East."

Or, if you find it too much to come up with snappy non sequiturs, there's this technique:

Them: "Oh congrats - you should teach them Chinese when they're babies."

You: "Thanks! I have a gift registry on Target and you can see all the items on our baby list there."
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Old 10-10-2014, 07:23 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
1,539 posts, read 1,596,309 times
Reputation: 2426
Smile and thank them. Extending a little grace with good intentions goes a long way.
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Old 10-10-2014, 07:32 AM
 
12,922 posts, read 19,803,871 times
Reputation: 33954
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjmeck View Post
Smile and thank them. Extending a little grace with good intentions goes a long way.
Exactly. Why do you feel you have to deal with it anyway? This isn't your first go-around, so the comments shouldn't make you insecure about your ability to parent. No response beyond what cjmeck suggests is called for.

But, congratulations!
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Old 10-10-2014, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,260,869 times
Reputation: 9177
Congratulations!

Many of us have received unsolicited advice before AND after birth. Like other posters mentioned, just smile, thank them for their thoughtfulness and just change the subject. Most people mean well when offering advice.
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Old 10-10-2014, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Texas
3,698 posts, read 2,843,807 times
Reputation: 6092
Some of the best and most accurate advice I received when my children were infants came from my Mother In Law (husband's step mother), who has no children of her own. However, she used to be an L&D nurse and has many nieces and nephews she cared for as a young woman.

Some of the best observations about my children when they were toddlers and in Pre K came from my best friend, who also has no children of her own. She has also made very accurate observations about my marriage, despite the fact that she is unmarried and rarely dates.

So, sometimes you can get very accurate info from sources who do not have 1st hand experience with things.

And, on the occasions where I got unsolicited parenting advice from strangers, I was much more apt to listen to it when it was prefaced with statements like "This happened to us and here is what worked" etc vs. someone saying "here is what you need to do".
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Old 10-10-2014, 08:22 AM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 9,617,164 times
Reputation: 11672
Yes, most people have an opinion whether they know anything about a subject or not. Anyone who is on an internet forum knows that's how it is. They can often expound at length about childhood behavior, even if they don't have children. People also want to challenge anything a poster says that can be questioned. Accept it or ignore it. You have no need to explain to anyone when or if your plan for a twin to babysit. It's your business and no one elses. Some people mean well. Some don't.
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Old 10-10-2014, 01:29 PM
 
250 posts, read 212,500 times
Reputation: 386
Why does it matter if they are complete strangers that will not have an impact on your upcoming child? Unsolicited advice goes in one ear and out the other. If they don't make a difference either way, why get yourself riled up regarding the advice. Smile and keep it moving.
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:30 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 3,761,278 times
Reputation: 6149
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
Congratulations!

Many of us have received unsolicited advice before AND after birth. Like other posters mentioned, just smile, thank them for their thoughtfulness and just change the subject. Most people mean well when offering advice.
Thank you. I think many parents--by the way, I am one--are a bit touchy about this sort of thing, to the point of being a bit ridiculous sometimes.

I do understand--sometimes you have people who are abrasive, and go beyond being helpful to being preachy or condescending. When it's like that, I understand being irritated. I sure as heck stand for parental sovereignty, too, and think the nosy neighbors calling social services on you just because you aren't hovering over your kids while they play, or because you apply a bit of physical discipline, they need to seriously mind their own business--or even be prosecuted for harassment, in fact.

However, when it's a friend just giving advice, or even people you meet casually in life, and they're not being ugly about it, please--lighten up already. You're being a bit ridiculous I think. Not every comment or observation is meant as a judgmental sort of thing, or to be preachy, it's just meant to help or to simply be a form of "small talk" as it were. We all talk of our experiences in our life, parenting or otherwise, so as to try and be helpful to others. As long as it isn't ugly in its tone, big deal. Don't be so sensitive.

Also, sometimes, I think people NEED to give advice, like when your child is being a brat in a nice quiet restaurant or a movie and spoiling the experience for others. I think people OUGHT to turn around and say "do you mind, I didn't pay $15 bucks to hear your child yelling every other second." I think, too, if your child, say, handles valuable belongings of mine, or comes up to my dog and pulls on its tail etc, I should be able to tell the child myself "leave that alone." I shouldn't have to ask you first. I should be able to defend my valuables or pets etc from sticky fingers of any age or maturity level. I think, too, a child needs to have an awareness that if they mess with any adult's belongings or the like, they could get in trouble for it period. In situations like that, it shouldn't just be the parents who can make life unpleasant for the disobedient child, anyone should be able to, especially if it's the adult whose belongings the child is messing with.
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Old 10-11-2014, 04:18 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
3,928 posts, read 3,547,266 times
Reputation: 3088
The only people who's ever given me advice are the family who's had me as a kid- the ones who's opinions sorta matter. What I get more than anything is people being happy I'm in their lives, makes me wonder how many dads want to be in their kids lives, I'm not the best, but I did what was right.
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Old 10-13-2014, 06:47 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,910,140 times
Reputation: 2346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Ag 93 View Post
Some of the best and most accurate advice I received when my children were infants came from my Mother In Law (husband's step mother), who has no children of her own. However, she used to be an L&D nurse and has many nieces and nephews she cared for as a young woman.

Some of the best observations about my children when they were toddlers and in Pre K came from my best friend, who also has no children of her own. She has also made very accurate observations about my marriage, despite the fact that she is unmarried and rarely dates.

So, sometimes you can get very accurate info from sources who do not have 1st hand experience with things.

And, on the occasions where I got unsolicited parenting advice from strangers, I was much more apt to listen to it when it was prefaced with statements like "This happened to us and here is what worked" etc vs. someone saying "here is what you need to do".
So true. Sometimes it's all about the messenger.
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