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Old 10-14-2014, 12:26 PM
 
1,167 posts, read 1,039,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
We could discuss all day on whether zipping the coat is necessary but that really isn't the point...

Parents will always differ on what is required behavior...

You are the parent...
You want the coat zipped...
You should be able to ask her to zip it and apply consequences if she does not obey...

In my opinion you don't force the zipping, you enforce the consequence that will
let her decide the zipping is a better option...

Let her make the choice....But explain beforehand what the consequence will be for
not obeying..Expect her to test you...


So to me the proper question is what are ideas for consequences for
disobeying your instruction to zip up....

Consequence should be things she loves & loses for disobeying...
No dessert that day
No favorite cartoon
Time out when she gets home
take away favorite toy a day...



I would limit the consequence to that day so that she can choose to obey the next day and
start fresh...
Why introduce an arbitrary and unrelated to consequence to the issue?

It's obvious the girl has trouble with her zipper, (can't always join it) and is ridiculed and belittled for it and compared to younger children who also mock her, probably following her mother's lead in that behavior.

I can hardly blame the girl for her attitude, reluctance and lack of confidence in being able to zip her own zipper. She's asking for help and getting shot down for it. She knows her mother is resentful and views her negatively for asking, and only does it to "shut her up."

Actually working with her daughter to get her zipper done up, and giving her the confidence and support to figure out connecting the zipper may be more successful in the long run than ridicule and denying her something she enjoys for no related reason.

 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:28 PM
 
14 posts, read 13,898 times
Reputation: 13
It isn't a "crap zip" because its every coat I buy that has that problem.

In response to Osita, I actually just say "can you zip your coat please?" so if I do as you suggest and say "its cold/raining/snowing, can you zip your coat please" will that get a better response? Try not to criticise my wording please, by that I mean, don't criticise me saying "can you zip your coat please" because I didn't think there was a right/wrong phrase to ask her to do up her coat.

We all have different wording, her dad and me say "zip your coat" whereas at School when wanting kids to zip their coats, teacher says "can you do up your coat" and at guides it is "fasten up your coat", could that confuse Erin?
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,060 posts, read 37,695,377 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ozgal View Post
Why introduce an arbitrary and unrelated to consequence to the issue?
I agree. The consequence of not zipping your coat is being cold. Obeying is not the problem here. The problem is that Mom is making a battle out of something minor.

Two of my kids had a thing where they wore shorts year round. One of them had a goal in 5th grade to wear shorts to school every day regardless of the weather, even when the temps were in the 20s. I knew it was a stupid goal but it only affected him. He did it, and he moved on. Now he is 18 and dresses appropriately for the weather.

Joanna, there is no magic wording to make this work. Let it go and see how much better your day goes.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:33 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,676,345 times
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Come on. She's 7 years old, not 3. She understands the meaning and the question is the same. The only thing confusing Erin is you not zipping her coat when you've been doing it her whole life. It's as plain as day that that is the problem, because she does it when everyone else tells her.

So stop doing it for her. Period. End of story.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:35 PM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,845,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joanna02 View Post
She CAN zip her own coat but it takes her a while because she struggles to connect zip but does EVENTUALLY manage to persevere but tbh, it is her being lazy and refusing to persevere, if she struggles at School then she gets a friend to "help" but the help ends up being "her friend doing it for her, UNINTENTIONALLY"!

Anyway, the kids I childmind (aged 5 and 8) zip their own coats which I usually use with DD but it doesn't work. I say to her "look, these 2 zip their own coat, even Helen who is 5), Helen is then delighted and mocks Erin which angers Erin.
You said in the beginning she was capable and that she zipped for her dad & teachers just fine...

Her being unsure about the zipping and being put down by you is a whole other situation.....

I think that should be handled with compassion not consequences ....
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,637,631 times
Reputation: 6732
Just say " Erin, i need you to zip your coat please, it is cold " and then if she starts to whine or claim she cant say " Erin, i asked you to zip your coat, if you need help, i will help you but you need to try first " (although you can just leave the help part out) and then you either help her after she tries OR she doesnt try and you say " Erin, I asked you to zip your coat and you did not listen/obey me, you need to go to time out (or whatever consequence you want)"

If school has the rule, you need to keep the same rule. You need to STOP zipping it for her to avoid whining. You need consequences of some sort.

Some ideas for when she wont zip:
1) " We will sit here until you zip your coat " and you literally sit there on the bench, car parked, where ever you are as long as it takes.
2) " You need to go into time out " and you find a place right there (NOT LATER) and sit her in time out. Yes even in public you can do time out.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:37 PM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,845,131 times
Reputation: 9599
Quote:
Originally Posted by ozgal View Post
Why introduce an arbitrary and unrelated to consequence to the issue?

It's obvious the girl has trouble with her zipper, (can't always join it) and is ridiculed and belittled for it and compared to younger children who also mock her, probably following her mother's lead in that behavior.

I can hardly blame the girl for her attitude, reluctance and lack of confidence in being able to zip her own zipper. She's asking for help and getting shot down for it. She knows her mother is resentful and views her negatively for asking, and only does it to "shut her up."

Actually working with her daughter to get her zipper done up, and giving her the confidence and support to figure out connecting the zipper may be more successful in the long run than ridicule and denying her something she enjoys for no related reason.

I agree with you....
In the beginning the mom said she was fine zipping the coat in other situations...
I didn't see the struggle with the zipping post until after my post...

Arbitrary & unrelated consequences are fine for choosing to disobey, but not if she is having trouble with her zipper....
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:39 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,816,014 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Let her freeze. If she's cold, she'll zip it. Don't make it a power struggle.

There is no struggle for power here, this child already has the power and she takes full advantage of that power.
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:44 PM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,845,131 times
Reputation: 9599
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I agree. The consequence of not zipping your coat is being cold. Obeying is not the problem here. The problem is that Mom is making a battle out of something minor.
If she is able to zip and will not when asked to it is an obedience issue...That is the picture the mom painted at first saying she was able and did zip for the dad & teachers...

Then the mom added about the zipping difficulty...
No way would I be hard on the issue if she is having trouble with the zipping....

A smart mom could test this out in no time...Ask her to zip up to go do something she wants to do
like get ice creme...Be busy and watch to see if she zips it right up or struggles...
 
Old 10-14-2014, 12:47 PM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,845,131 times
Reputation: 9599
OP

Does your little girl normally obey on other issues ????

If she is being stubborn it should be showing up on other things...
If she is generally easy going then I would give her the benefit of the doubt that
she has trouble with zipper and go easy...
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