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Look, I don't care what you eat or don't eat, it's nothing to me. If you're happy the way you are, great! However, in your previous post you gave a laundry list of common, normal foods that make you feel like vomiting, said it was probably a physiological or neurological issue, and added that you wished you weren't this way, so you are now making slightly contradictory statements.
It is a logical conclusion that you have some kind of disorder, perhaps a sensory processing disorder. If you were my child and exhibiting these behaviors, yes, I would take you to a doctor and possibly a therapist. This field has advanced a lot in recent years and there are effective ways of treatment that do not involve starving a child, or leaving him for hours in front of a plate of food s/he detests. I agree that neither of these methods is likely to help at all in the case of a genuine disorder.
You make a good point.
I guess I was saying that I look upon people with a more widely varied palate with a mild sense of envy. Rather like how I have no musical talent whatsoever, and not only can't play an instrument, I also can't coordinate my body in such a way as to dance to music either. There is something in my wiring that just won't do it. I tried to learn a foreign language as an adult and wow, it was hard, so I abandoned it as not worth the effort and frustration. If any of this stuff was critical to my life goals or plans, I might devote more effort to changing the situation for myself. But I don't look at any of this stuff as being such a huge dysfunction that I feel the need to fix it. I might passingly wish I had some trait or other, but not to the extent that I'd seek therapy over it. I have other strengths. My value to myself is in no way less because I lack something another has. I do somewhat suspect that there is some form of "science" behind these traits. More or fewer taste buds. Neurochemical difference. I don't mean to imply "there's something broken and wrong about me I need a professional to try and fix."
It is simply very interesting to me that in AMERICA, not in a country or culture where food is scarce, but the land of (mostly) plenty, we actually celebrate people who win eating contests, and seemingly condemn anyone who has narrower preferences and less than a huge ol' hearty appetite. The lady who eats a humongous meal at dinnertime and can sit down and devour half a pound of fudge in one sitting is more "normal" than someone who would happily eat a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner and can't manage more than one Oreo in a single sitting, even though the first person, the "normal" one, is overweight and has diabetes and the second one is a healthy weight and has no particular nutritional problems or food related health conditions. (That was a comparison between a woman in my family...and me.) I see people all the time act like there is an imminent food shortage, when there clearly is not, to the detriment of their personal health. Not that I think all heavy people simply have unhealthy dietary habits--I absolutely do know better. But I question whether, in a nation where we CONSTANTLY hear about obesity being a major problem, what we take for granted as the "normal" psychology Americans have towards food, is in fact healthy? It raises an eyebrow for me when a person who questions the norms is greeted with (often enough) some form of defensiveness.
This. It's THIS thread right here, which was suggested in my "Similar Threads" at the bottom of the page, or I never would have seen it. People get really offended by the mere existence of picky eaters, at least in theoretical conversation.
Someone so offended by something I don't feel I can help, would not be my friend for long and I would not be eating at their house. I don't generally get along with those who demand conformity of other people or are threatened by any sort of difference in something so minor as food preferences.
Picky eaters, even adult ones, make people feel "manipulated"...what? I do not get it. And it's that much worse with children, but I sorta understand that simply because as a parent you feel like the kid has to eat, and it's a day after day after day issue of trying to feed 'em.
The very term "picky eater" sets my teeth on edge.
I will eat almost anything and try most things at least once, so it was a bit of a challenge initially to realize that my son is not a picky eater, but has genuine sensory processing issues that make certain foods that we enjoy as a family nauseating to him. Yes, he will gag and vomit with particular textured foods, and can't stand particular smells. He's not picky and fussy. He does in fact eat a huge variety of different and healthy foods, just not some particular ranges of foods.
I remember reading a blog post one day about a mother who felt guilt at forcing her child to eat tomatoes no matter how upset and resistant they were to it, only to find out that the child had an intolerance for nightshade foods. It wasn't easily and readily apparent initially so they didn't realize and thought their child was just being picky.
I think what parents need to come to terms with, is that there are millions of different things we can eat for sustenance, and rarely any one nutrient that can't be gotten from multiple sources of different food types. Nature is wonderful that way.
If your child hates milk and you're worried about their calcium intake, big deal? do they eat cheese, yogurt? Are they dairy intolerant to boot? Not a big deal. Google a list of calcium rich foods. You may be surprised at what you find. Blackstrap molasses for example contains more calcium than milk, and is also rich in iron and other trace minerals.
In most cases, as long as you are providing healthy foods, you need to trust your children, and continue to offer a variety of new and different foods without involving emotion or negativity about food and mealtimes and eating.
This is very true. There are kids and adults that issues extend to more than being a picky eater.
Like everything else in parenting, there is no "One Size Fits All" solution to raising well-rounded eaters.
On the one hand, there is something to be said for the fact that this is basically a first-world problem, that there is nothing inherent about being a human being that makes us ultra-picky (like my brother whom I described in a previous post). But on the other hand, I'm sure we all have some foods that we truly prefer to never eat. Our taste buds clearly perceive things differently, because something most people LOVE might taste absolutely disgusting to me (bleu cheese is my main example).
I was reading an article about cilantro in the newspaper recently. It's hard to live here (San Antonio) and not like cilantro! But this article was talking about a study in which certain people found cilantro to actually taste like SOAP!
And who remembers the experiment in high school science, about the genetic difference between "tasters" and "non-tasters" of phenylthiocarbamide (PTC)? It's a bitter substance that tastes quite nasty to some people, while other people cannot detect any taste of it at all.
Then there is the phenomenon of "super tasters" (about 25% of the population) who actually have many more taste buds than other people, thus they taste everything more intensely (which can be good or bad, depending on what the food is).
Last example: I absolutely cannot eat very spicy food. It burns my tongue and lips, to the point of actual pain, while others around me insist it is barely spicy at all! (I also get loud, severe hiccups when I eat something spicy).
So....in summary, I believe each parent needs to use best judgement, take a middle of the road approach where a variety of healthy foods are offered. I used to allow each of my children a short list of foods (3 or 4) that they truly disliked that they NEVER had to eat. It was kind of cute actually, because when I served dinner, they knew they could politely say, "Remember Mom, [salmon/beets/Lima beans/whatever] is on my list," and that food was never forced. That gave them some degree of choice, but they weren't allowed to reject the entire meal. I'm happy to say my children are all healthy adults now with reasonably wide taste in foods.
I was reading an article about cilantro in the newspaper recently. It's hard to live here (San Antonio) and not like cilantro! But this article was talking about a study in which certain people found cilantro to actually taste like SOAP!
That would be me. Cilantro ruins an entire dish for me, it's so pervasive. Even if I pick out the visible leaves, I can still taste the soapy ick. I can tolerate coriander seeds though.
It is simply very interesting to me that in AMERICA, not in a country or culture where food is scarce, but the land of (mostly) plenty, we actually celebrate people who win eating contests, and seemingly condemn anyone who has narrower preferences and less than a huge ol' hearty appetite. The lady who eats a humongous meal at dinnertime and can sit down and devour half a pound of fudge in one sitting is more "normal" than someone who would happily eat a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner and can't manage more than one Oreo in a single sitting, even though the first person, the "normal" one, is overweight and has diabetes and the second one is a healthy weight and has no particular nutritional problems or food related health conditions. (That was a comparison between a woman in my family...and me.) I see people all the time act like there is an imminent food shortage, when there clearly is not, to the detriment of their personal health. Not that I think all heavy people simply have unhealthy dietary habits--I absolutely do know better. But I question whether, in a nation where we CONSTANTLY hear about obesity being a major problem, what we take for granted as the "normal" psychology Americans have towards food, is in fact healthy? It raises an eyebrow for me when a person who questions the norms is greeted with (often enough) some form of defensiveness.
You'll get absolutely no disagreement about this from me. Pickiness is clearly preferable to gluttony, on several levels. I do think though that when you look at the person who has great trouble sharing a meal with friends because of multiple food aversions, and someone who pathologically overeats, you are looking at two extremes. The fact that overeating has become so common in our culture is sad, and it is certainly not healthy, but I think calling it the "norm" is a mistake. What the "norm" should be, and used to be, is somewhere in between.
Apparently some people would starve rather than eat certain foods, because they CAN'T make themselves eat them. I see no reason to doubt this. But it is not the norm. I've also been told by "friends" that if I made my children finish their dinner (we're talking about a single piece of asparagus, not a giant plateful of food), I would certainly damage them psychologically and they would end up with anorexia.
But no one in my own family (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews) has problems with food. No one is obese. I still weigh the same as on my wedding day...125 lbs...I think we are just genetically lucky in this regard because we all eat a lot yet are still thin. No one has allergies, no sensory issues, no eating disorders. So when my children were tiny, and they refused the sweet potatoes they had enjoyed the week before, I operated on the assumption that they did not have any of these serious problems and were probably just being a little stubborn. If I had seen signs that they had some abnormal issues with food...such as not eating any foods that weren't white, for instance...I would not have taken the approach I did.
And, I really understand what you are getting at with the "mild envy" of people who have and can do things I can't. I can't dance either, or sing, and I wish I could! I'm not going to go out and pay for intensive lessons in something that is not my gift. It can't be "fixed." On the other hand, I had a mild speech impediment, a lisp, when I was little. I had a couple of years of speech therapy in elementary school, and it was fixed. I have known adults with a lisp that was never corrected. It doesn't seem to affect them too much in their daily life, either, but I am sure they wish they didn't have it. That's the kind of thing I was thinking of when I mentioned therapy for eating issues. If a child has a problem that may be relatively minor, but still could be easily corrected, I think a responsible parent tries to have it corrected.
of course kids are going to mirror, a parents pickiness or disorders, because wayyyy too much attention is paid on what and why you are eating and what you are not eating
one of my sons friends, use to come over with his alfalfa sprouts and tomato chunks, the kid was 10 yrs old and never went to mcdonalds, not only didn't he go- his vegan mother would tell him all the kids that eat there will die
this kid was a picky eater, what choice did he have?? his mother (think Carrie's mother) would warn me not to give him any meat or god forbid a cookie- the kid was skin and bone ,, he was very small for his age and looked mal-nourished
I felt soooo bad for that boy- his overbearing mother instilling her beliefs on him
I mention this because you mothers have to be careful restricting too much food or if its agenda driven
when that boy above went to college,,, he went nuts,,,he was out of the shadow of his mother,,,and guess what?? he loved mcdonalds, meat, cake, pies, ,,,he went nuts and gained 100 lbs - but never felt so good
to this day he resents his mother for how she malnourished/starved him (his words)
my son...
I always gave him a choice of what he could have, we never had a test of wills- if I wanted my son to eat veggies, id pour beef or chicken gravy over them,,
food is to enjoy, food is to be part of life - we use to make pizzas together,
we would go pick veggies from the garden. and he would like eating them because he picked them
he is in college now, and he is a health nut on his own,(he works out every other day) he avoids sugars and fatty foods
he made that decision himself, he wasn't pushed or guilted into it
ive had nieces that are/were picky eaters
then id write a menu of what we had, and have them choose what they want
and..... when food test of wills wasn't an issue- they are much more open to try something new
when I grew up,,i ate what was on my plate or went to bed hungry, just the way it was back then
No, I'm not...and sometimes it's necessary to be the boss of the kid. Often, actually, especially in the toddler years. Parents must be parents. Set limits and boundaries, and enforce them. I do get that of course. I didn't let my kids run wild in public for instance. I don't let them tell me what I'm cooking for dinner, either.
I agree that parents need to be the authority figure in the home. What I don't agree with is that a parent needs to manufacture conflict just to prove to their child that they are the authority figure in the home. I only have one child left at home and while I don't let him dictate what I am cooking for dinner, I also don't go out of my way to pick a fight with him so that I can prove that I am boss. I am the boss and I don't need to prove it to him. I'm sorry I wasn't clear about that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
...for an 8 year old to sit for hours at a table or be served the same plate repeatedly because parents think that pickiness MUST be corrected, and it's a battle that MUST be fought...my family's harmony was demolished night after night for this when I was growing up. No way am I doing that. Nope. Don't let my husband do it either, even though he'd like to. He's threatened to throw my youngest son's uneaten food in his bed before. I've had to talk him down from his frustrations, it is SO not worth getting that upset about in my opinion. Just. Not.
I agree 100%. Why is it so important that junior eat (fill in the blank)? My husband doesn't like green beans. I don't like beets. My youngest doesn't like cabbage. Why is this a big deal? I have never fought with my kids over food and since two of them are adults it is unlikely that I ever will. We always have/had pleasant meals with lively conversation and no dread of mealtime.
That would be me. Cilantro ruins an entire dish for me, it's so pervasive. Even if I pick out the visible leaves, I can still taste the soapy ick. I can tolerate coriander seeds though.
My husband, who is not picky, really really really hates cilantro also. When I make salsa I have to separate some out for him before I add the cilantro.
Well, the one main thing I stand by, is in allowing my younger son, the 13 year old, to be picky...it's not anyone else's problem. It's his and only his. When you grow up and you have to manage yourself, I think it's important to understand this. I do NOT expect hosts to prepare special foods for me. You find ways to make do, to find things you like, to be discreet when you bite into something and it has some dreaded ingredient, to never tell your host "ew." Picky eating I can tolerate, knowing it well enough myself. Rudeness I can NOT. And a picky eater need not be rude at all.
We have definitely had some conversations about how, if say we went to a restaurant he didn't like and he wanted to go to a different one instead but got overruled...sometimes he'll sit there and act sullen and not eat and behave as though he's been victimized because he didn't get his way. That act is no bueno, man. Not cool. Kiddo had to learn, and this was one battle I DID feel was worth the fight, that everyone's life does NOT revolve around him.
I would never expect others to change a single thing about what they are doing, just to cater to me.
My close friends are aware of my dietary weirdness, and it's not a big chore to work around when they choose to, which is sometimes. We often grill out. I love grilled meats! And sometimes I'll bring something nice to share, fancy cheese, bison burgers, Challah bread... We've collaborated on some pretty awesome meals before. So what if I don't put ketchup on my burger? So what if my son doesn't put cheese on his? Ya know...
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