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Old 12-30-2007, 01:51 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,253 times
Reputation: 10

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Help Please I Need Advice About My Lazy Ass Brother Whom I Took In 4 Years Ago Bcuz Of My Mom Being Sick.. He Finished School W Good Grades And Im Actually Proud Of Him.... Problem Is That Now That School Finished Hes Become This Lazy Bum Who Doesnt Seem To Want To Move Out, He Cant Seem To Have Time To Help Me W The House Chores ..all He Does Is Spend Time W His Dramatic Girlfriend Of His..... Im 8 Mos Pregnant W My 3rd Child And I Think I Had Enough..my Husband And I Fight About This On A Regular Basis But I Cant Just Throw Him Out I Dont Want Him To Feel Like I Dont Love Him Especially Now That My Mom Cant Seem To Be With Him Right Now........ We Got Him A Car To Get Around And Find A Job Which He Did But Now He Messed Up The Car. So Now He Cant Get To Work.......i Just Wish That I Could Get Through Him And Explain That He Needs To Fly With His Own Wings ...im Tired Stressed And About To Give Birth Any Day Now And I Feel Like He Has No Sympathy For Me Or Anyone... I Really Need Some Advice A.s.a.p
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Old 12-30-2007, 01:57 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,314,414 times
Reputation: 22274
Default You have been too good

Quote:
Originally Posted by desperatepreggers View Post
Help Please I Need Advice About My Lazy Ass Brother Whom I Took In 4 Years Ago Bcuz Of My Mom Being Sick.. He Finished School W Good Grades And Im Actually Proud Of Him.... Problem Is That Now That School Finished Hes Become This Lazy Bum Who Doesnt Seem To Want To Move Out, He Cant Seem To Have Time To Help Me W The House Chores ..all He Does Is Spend Time W His Dramatic Girlfriend Of His..... Im 8 Mos Pregnant W My 3rd Child And I Think I Had Enough..my Husband And I Fight About This On A Regular Basis But I Cant Just Throw Him Out I Dont Want Him To Feel Like I Dont Love Him Especially Now That My Mom Cant Seem To Be With Him Right Now........ We Got Him A Car To Get Around And Find A Job Which He Did But Now He Messed Up The Car. So Now He Cant Get To Work.......i Just Wish That I Could Get Through Him And Explain That He Needs To Fly With His Own Wings ...im Tired Stressed And About To Give Birth Any Day Now And I Feel Like He Has No Sympathy For Me Or Anyone... I Really Need Some Advice A.s.a.p
You have been supportive and caring. Sounds like you have bent over backwards. Now it is his turn to be responsible - and find a place of his own.

You know what you gotta do! He realizes you love him - you wouldn't have done all the things you have - if you didn't. It would be no different if he were your own child. He has to grow up and move on to his own life . . . and really . . . allowing him to stay there and just be another drain on the household . . . is enabling him. Why should he move out when you are not insisting that he do so?

You and your DH deserve some space . . . you have your own kids to take care of . . . plus the new baby on the way.

Helping your brother b/cm a responsible, independent person is the right thing to do! Don't feel bad about it! He may protest, but in the near future, he will be glad he is on his own. Not like you are disowning him - you will still be there for him!

Good luck! This is not an easy thing to do . . . believe me, I know . . . have had to push several kids out of the nest . . . they do learn to fly!!!!
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Old 12-30-2007, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Highland Village
1,433 posts, read 3,468,572 times
Reputation: 998
Welcome to the forum depseratepreggers! First and foremost take care of yourself. You do not need all of this emotional stress right now! I agree with anifani! You sound like an amazing person, taking your brother in and raising your own family....wow. I truly applaud you as a woman. I would offer to help him either find a place of his own or start paying you rent. As long as he gets a free ride what would be the motivation for him to go out and start working? You are obviously a great sister and I wish you the absolute best in this situation. Congrats on the upcoming baby and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
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Old 12-30-2007, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Buffalo :-)
2,972 posts, read 7,342,852 times
Reputation: 1400
Your health and that of the baby is more important. I'd suggest giving him 3 months to start working/looking for a steady job, helping with bills and other household chores, if it isn't accomplished in that time then at least he'll have had enough warning on finding other living arrangements. If he's out of school it means he's an adult... now he should start acting like one.

From experience of others I know who went through it with their own children, tough love is the key other wise it will never get better.

Hope this helps, good luck to you.
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Old 12-30-2007, 03:18 PM
 
12,620 posts, read 17,700,172 times
Reputation: 2988
I have been there done this one... I had to kick out my little brother from my home for the very same reasons. It was difficult but I had to do it.
So gather up some gumption..... I bought my brother a ticket home.
Tell him you expect him to be moved by such n such time and if that times comes along and he has not proceeded to moving out I would pack his stuff up and drop everything off at the girlfriends house!
Done end of story!
Any obligation to him is long gone and past... You owe him nothing more than you have already done and I might add what a great sis you are.
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Old 12-31-2007, 11:31 AM
 
6,585 posts, read 22,397,483 times
Reputation: 3170
Get him to join the military.
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Old 12-31-2007, 11:41 AM
 
Location: in a house
5,835 posts, read 3,889,757 times
Reputation: 4890
I agree with Miborn. After watching numerous Dr. Phil shows addressing the same problems, the answer seems to be to give a deadline for them to have found a job and a place to live within one month, no longer. If that has not happened change the locks on the doors and pack up his things if you want to and put it in the garage. Be strong and know you are actually doing him a favor.
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:27 PM
 
Location: California
11,425 posts, read 16,672,929 times
Reputation: 12447
You can only do so much for a person, sounds like to me you've done enough, give him a deadline for moving out and follow through, don't think of it as kicking him out, concider it as a boost to getting his life started, he will be ok.
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:50 PM
 
6 posts, read 26,883 times
Reputation: 15
Have him babysit your kids.


He will want to be out on his own and fancy free so fast.
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