Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your son abandoned his family and made very little effort to live with them again. I can't understand that at all. I am sympathetic to the mom who is trying to improve her prospects and found a man more than willing to be a father to her kids and provide stability. It's what is best for these kids, don't you agree?
I doubt he will be successful in getting any kind of custody with his past actions. Did you not encourage him to make better decisions back then when he was able to?
If you are divorced, you would have specific court orders regarding child visitation. If she isn't letting you see your child, you can take your ex-wife to court.
She is talking about her son. After reading 4 times I was able to understand what she say.
OP I have read four times your post. It is been much nicer if you have left paragraphs.
1. your son divorced? - If so then your son might have received court order when he is able to see the kids.
2. If your son is not divorced but his wife has a boy friend then your son need to sue her for that and get the divorce. It is not possible some one can adopt the children just like that. your son need to fight for that.
3. your son had a another child with another mentally unstable woman- If that happened during the marriage then your daughter in law can sue him too.
4. I have the feeling there is a phase you don't know about their lives, is not that also possible that your daughter in law trying cut every connection due to the behavior of your son?
5.The best place you can get legal advice from a lawyer. I don't think any one can support with any advice with this unclear post.
Your son need to drag her butt to court. I assume they have joint custody and his ex has custodial custody. If he can afford it he should get a family attorney. If he cannot afford an attorney, like myself, he will have to represent himself, which is no fun. He will need to do the proper paperwork, a court date will be set, and then he will go to court and represent himself. At that time child support should be set if it already hasn't been, and also the details over visitation. Once he gets visitation you can work it out with your son to see the children.
I didn't read the OP because there were no paragraphs. Is it so hard to hit enter-enter a couple times?
Seriously. And usually I am with you.
But this time I did not read the post because it is another "one and done"... first time poster with a strange story, who never comes back to clarify.
I don't know where to start, my son and ex daughter n law got married at a young age. Something I did at his age. I told both of them to wait but without my knowledge they got married.
Fast forward they have 2 children (1boy/1girl). The first 2 yrs they lived with me. During that time my grandson was born. Both of them were working at the time, she took her maternity leave and when she was ready to go to work my son took family leave to care for their son. She was earning more money and they both agreed to this decision. My son has a natural way of caring for kids, he was always asked to babysit because kids always liked him and he's big hearted. As I watched him care for his baby, he fed him, bathed him, played with him, slept with him, etc..everything a parent would/should do they were bonding.
After a year I had to move so they knew they needed to find a place of their own. I knew it would be hard for them but I knew they would be okay also. They actually end up moving with her parents they lived like 1 1/2 hrs away from where I used to live. She decided to go to college and my son stayed home with the baby. I know she was getting public assistance and financial aid through the college. My son allowed her to persue her education.
While my son cared for his son and helped around her parents house, cleaning and cooking, etc. It eventually took its toll and he told her that they should look into getting their own place somewhere else where they can afford the rent. He decided to move while she continued with school and put their son in daycare. He found work and found a 1 bdrm apt that he rented. She did not want to move until she finished the year but would go every weekend with the baby. Of course my son missed them terribly.
Her year at school finished so my son told her when are you moving in, she said she wanted to graduate from that college and then she would move. During this time she found out she was pregnant again and they had a little girl. She continued to go to school, the kids were in daycare and they would only come down on the weekends.
A year later after she graduated she told my son that she was scared that he wouldn't be able to provide for them and decided not to move after all. Of course my son was devastated so he moved closer to them and the job situation was not good up there. He moved from friend to friend and he would see them when she had the time. They had their issues through the marriage which is why I knew they were too young to deal with. They both had to learn the hard way, lessons learned through experience.
Fast forward again, she finally asked for a divorce, it was hard for my son to see his kids because they were a distance from where he was at and he had no car but would take the train/bus to visit when he could. I would have helped but I was going through a financial hardship and also with no car and unemployed it was tough on myself too.
A couple of years ago my son was in a hit by a car while riding his bicycle and was in ICU with head trauma. I was not notified until he woke up after a few days, he was in good terms with his wife that I had to inform her and she immediately picked me up half ways to go see him at the hospital. I was honest with her and treated her like my daughter, she had my 2 grand babies.
After a few months from my son's accident she started becoming very distant with us. It was always hard for me to call her so she would always call me so the kids could talk to me. Those calls stopped also. My son told me that she is seeing someone else, he is 14yrs older than her.
As per what I found out she also distance herself from her own family and the kids have no contact with them either. The last time I saw them was 2 yrs ago before she became distant, she asked me to babysit for a week while her and her boyfriend went to Vegas. I agreed as I was not working at that time.
When they came back they looked upset and that was the last time I saw them. Her calls stopped and my messages were not returned. My son would talk to her but all she would say to him was that her boyfriend wants to adopt the kids and she needs to know where he lives. Her boyfriend has bonded with my granddaughter and she thinks that's her daddy.
My grandson last I knew asked about his dad but she said he's not around. Last time I had communication with her was last year when I found out she moved closer and it was my grandsons birthday. I left her a message and text her that i would like to bring him his gift and visit for awhile, she agreed. When I went to their city I called and text her what is her address. That when she ignored me and wasn't returning my calls prior to a couple of hours she said it was fine.
Her boyfriend has a big influence on her and I know he's telling her what to do. My son has called her but he monitors her calls and then sends him an email of what was discussed. They keep asking him where he lives, he knows they want to serve him with papers. I told him he needs to file with the court and request his right for visitation.
Yesterday I reminded him of his daughters birthday that is coming up and he snapped. Since the accident its hard for him to deal with his emotions and he starts crying. I told him I'm sorry and I will be there for you but you are their dad and you need to fight to see them.
He is scared of the unknown, since then I've found out where they live. I don't know where to go with this and need a place just to vent and get advise. I only have one son and for him I'll do anything but he also needs to want to step up too.
During this whole time he had another child with someone else who is mentally unstable. He does see his other son every other weekend and at times he has him for weeks at a time. For what he tells me he will be taking her to court for full custody as he thinks she is not caring for him properly. I know he has a full plate right now but my grand kids need to know their dad did not just abandon them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Your son abandoned his family and made very little effort to live with them again. I can't understand that at all. I am sympathetic to the mom who is trying to improve her prospects and found a man more than willing to be a father to her kids and provide stability. It's what is best for these kids, don't you agree?
I doubt he will be successful in getting any kind of custody with his past actions.
As far as I can make out, the son had a couple of kids who he enjoyed playing with when they were little. As he wasn't able to support them, they all lived with you and then with her parents. Then he moved out leaving her and the kids behind. He has since had another child with another woman but doesn't provide for this child either. Now he is considering suing for full custody.
At some point, he sustained a head injury while riding his bicycle and now has difficulty dealing with his emotions and is scared of the unknown.
Meanwhile, his former wife went to college and found a more stable man to help her raise the kids and wants him to sign over his parental rights so that the new fellow can adopt them.
Understandably, the OP is concerned about her grandchildren and wants them to know that her son did not abandon them.
But he did abandon them. Even before the bike accident, he wasn't able to do much more than hang around and that waned over time.
Being a father is not easy. It sounds as if the son simply was not up to it.
Whether he signs those papers are not, the kids now have someone in their lives who wants to and apparently willing and able to be their father. This sounds like good news to me.
As to suing the second baby mama for custody, how would he care for this child?
If I were the OP, I would encourage the son to get a vasectomy before he creates any more children he is unable to care for.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
