U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 10-30-2014, 11:29 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,725 posts, read 17,148,685 times
Reputation: 10854

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
Well, that depends on his personality. Not everyone needs a lot of friends, and many of us are happiest with just one or two. Again, I would ask if he's naturally an introvert (don't try to change him) or if he isn't and something else is going on.
No...he is not an introvert. He wants to play with his friends. When I take him to the park, he runs up to the first kid he sees and plays. The younger kids ( 4-6 year olds ) loves to play with him. But the boys his own age not so much. When he speaks he talks loud because he tries to get their attention. I have told him to stop shouting and just join in. Pay attention to what they do and do the same. Don't go in and try to boss them around and tell them what to do. I tell him that by acting like that they don't want to hang out with him. He acts and talk like he is 5 - 6 years old himself. But he is smart, knowledgeable and eager to learn all the time.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-30-2014, 12:13 PM
bg7
 
7,698 posts, read 7,692,547 times
Reputation: 15003
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
[/b]
Thanks! I like that idea! He has played baseball and soccer before but was so unfocused. Maybe Karate or similar would be good for him.
Yea baseball involves way too much dead time. And soccer is only good if he's always going for the ball. Something requiring continual participation is probably better at the moment.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-30-2014, 01:45 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,320,511 times
Reputation: 5542
To me it doesn't sound like OP's son is on the spectrum, although I don't really know enough kids on the spectrum to say for sure. But I've always thought that someone with asperger's, for example, isn't particularly interested in the concept of interaction and having friends, they're more interested in their own interests and pursuits and at most just want others to listen to them talk, but don't care for friendship and play per se. I could be wrong. To me it just sounds like a boy who hasn't had enough experience interacting with kids his own age, and has not quite caught up in developing the social and emotional skills needed. I think finding a social skills group, like some suggested here, could be fantastic. Some counselling and parent support centers have those.

He might just need to be taught how to socialize.These things come naturally to some but not others - to some, it's a skill to be learned and practiced, and that doesn't have to mean a disorder.
I've always had a problem with peers as a kid and still do to some extent - in my case, I was the opposite of OP's kid, too quiet rather than loud, painfully shy, I also wasn't heard when i talked because I literally mumbled so quietly they wouldn't hear me. I wanted friends, but didn't know how to make them. Even as an adult, it's a continuous work in progress for me to force myself to interact and make acquaintances, something that comes naturally to others. I need to remind myself to speak up, to smile, I plan out topics to talk about and ways to behave, it's often a bit of a forced act. I'm not on the spectrum, it's just my temperament. Just like some people are better or worse at academics, sports, art, etc, some are better at socializing, and just like being behind in some of these areas doesn't necessarily signify a pathology, neither does this.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-30-2014, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,271 posts, read 5,005,276 times
Reputation: 3862
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
No...he is not an introvert. He wants to play with his friends. When I take him to the park, he runs up to the first kid he sees and plays. The younger kids ( 4-6 year olds ) loves to play with him. But the boys his own age not so much. When he speaks he talks loud because he tries to get their attention. I have told him to stop shouting and just join in. Pay attention to what they do and do the same. Don't go in and try to boss them around and tell them what to do. I tell him that by acting like that they don't want to hang out with him. He acts and talk like he is 5 - 6 years old himself. But he is smart, knowledgeable and eager to learn all the time.
That's what I suspected, and he sounds almost exactly like my niece. In my opinion (no kids but niece who is similar and know a ton of people with other similar kids), it would get better if you got down to the bottom of what's happening and helped him develop and practice strategies to work through it. It may not bother him now, but it will bother him when he's older if it doesn't change.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-30-2014, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,271 posts, read 5,005,276 times
Reputation: 3862
Also, if you can afford some type of martial art, try it out. He won't be able to just look at the butterflies and insects and will learn how to focus and pay attention (if those are issues of his). While it doesn't seem all too social, it does help with things in that area, too. You often have to interact with people younger, same age, and older and interact with them properly.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-30-2014, 07:17 PM
 
Location: 60630
11,725 posts, read 17,148,685 times
Reputation: 10854
Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
Also, if you can afford some type of martial art, try it out. He won't be able to just look at the butterflies and insects and will learn how to focus and pay attention (if those are issues of his). While it doesn't seem all too social, it does help with things in that area, too. You often have to interact with people younger, same age, and older and interact with them properly.

I mentioned that a few posts back. I think Im going to enroll him in Taekwondo. There is a few places close to where I live. Thanks!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-31-2014, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
3,327 posts, read 1,860,529 times
Reputation: 10535
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
To me it doesn't sound like OP's son is on the spectrum, although I don't really know enough kids on the spectrum to say for sure. But I've always thought that someone with asperger's, for example, isn't particularly interested in the concept of interaction and having friends, they're more interested in their own interests and pursuits and at most just want others to listen to them talk, but don't care for friendship and play per se. I could be wrong. To me it just sounds like a boy who hasn't had enough experience interacting with kids his own age, and has not quite caught up in developing the social and emotional skills needed. I think finding a social skills group, like some suggested here, could be fantastic. Some counselling and parent support centers have those.

He might just need to be taught how to socialize.These things come naturally to some but not others - to some, it's a skill to be learned and practiced, and that doesn't have to mean a disorder.
I've always had a problem with peers as a kid and still do to some extent - in my case, I was the opposite of OP's kid, too quiet rather than loud, painfully shy, I also wasn't heard when i talked because I literally mumbled so quietly they wouldn't hear me. I wanted friends, but didn't know how to make them. Even as an adult, it's a continuous work in progress for me to force myself to interact and make acquaintances, something that comes naturally to others. I need to remind myself to speak up, to smile, I plan out topics to talk about and ways to behave, it's often a bit of a forced act. I'm not on the spectrum, it's just my temperament. Just like some people are better or worse at academics, sports, art, etc, some are better at socializing, and just like being behind in some of these areas doesn't necessarily signify a pathology, neither does this.
I just want to clear up about people on the spectrum not wanting interaction or friends, it is a total myth. Most do want interaction, do want friends desperately. They just don't know how to go about it, social cues are so hard for them. They do notice when people snub them. Breaks my heart.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2017, 11:05 PM
 
1 posts, read 573 times
Reputation: 10
I just read your post now—and noticed you wrote this three years ago. This sounds EXACTLY like my 7 year old son. Curious—how is your son today—at age 11?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-26-2017, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,861 posts, read 2,485,714 times
Reputation: 14562
My child had a few problems with social immaturity, I started getting her together with older kids and that helps. When she plays with children younger than her, it just makes things worse. I took her to a psychologist who recommended that, pretty much, keeping her away from younger kids would help her mature some.


So, we've had to put the brakes on some friendships with certain kids who were making things worse for her. She constantly played with a boy who was a year-and-a-half younger and she'd get more hyperactive and immature when she was around him. I noticed this. Although his parents were upset about it, I had to start severely limiting the time she spent with him. (This particular child has no other friends and I didn't want my daughter mimicking his problematic behaviors).


Try getting your child into a group with older kids, like a church group for example. That might help.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-26-2017, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,222 posts, read 3,112,881 times
Reputation: 8783
I don’t think I saw this three years ago. How is your son doing?

I have found that smart, outside-the-box thinking kids don’t necessarily fit in well with the kids who are all talking about pop culture. My son (almost 17) has always been like that. So was I as a child/teen. He has made some great friendships through playing the Pokémon card game. I didn’t realize it was even a thing, but it is... Pokémon has send him all over the country and even to London last year to compete. He has close friends not only locally but also in other states and in other countries. They get together several times per year and they can talk about their somewhat geeky passions. They also Skype every day. He gets together on the weekends with his local friends; one practically lives here on the weekends because they travel to local events together. He’s also into coding... not really what other 17-year-olds are talking about, but it’s great for him.

That’s just one example. Help him find something he’s interested in and encourage friendships with other kids who have similar interests.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top