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Old 12-09-2017, 11:03 PM
 
426 posts, read 117,006 times
Reputation: 229

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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Iím hesitant to write this because I donít want to be judged, but Iím to the point now where I really could need some advice or encouraging words.



I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group. He reads and write well. He is great at math and he is very knowledgeable about the world in general. He gets that from watching the news with me, National Geographic, documentaries etc. He is your typical curious 8 year old boy. Of course he also watch kids programs.

However, he is also very childishÖor socially immature. He has a hard time making friends who wants to hang out with him. He was not like this before he started school (kindergarten) but the older he gets, itís like his maturity level is not catching up.
When I take him to the park he has no problems playing with 4 and 5 year olds. He realizes that they are much younger, but itís like he becomes the leader instead of the follower, like he is with his own age group.


When I take him to school in the morning I observe him waiting in line for the teacher. I noticed how the other boys in his class are discussing the latest games, movies etc and he donít know how to join the conversation. He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him. He also have a problem with being too impulsive and loud when he plays, and getting into peopleís faces. It's annoying I'm sure for the other kids.

We used to have a problem with him keeping his hands to himself, luckily thatís not much of a problem anymore.


I asked him yesterday who he played with on recess that day and he said ďnobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldnít hear me and I kept calling their names ď.
In other words, they are ignoring him.
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his ďfriendsĒ. Itís like he doesnít realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesnít seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
I remember making friends when I was his age and I would have been devastated if nobody wanted to play with me.

Thanks for reading.

The being too impulsive and loud isn't a big deal for his age group. Most likely, most of the popular boys in that grade do that too.

If his behavior was so isolating, the 4-5-year olds would run from him too.

It sounds like they all just do not like him for some reason.

You mentioned he likes being the leader. I have seen groups where, say, 4 kids are all friends, 1 is the leader, then a 5th kid comes in and all of a sudden is the de facto leader, and the old leader gets irritated, lashes out, and the new leader convinces the other 3 kids to dump the old leader and exclude him.

If your child has very specific interests or goes to a small school, there might only be one group of boys for your son to be friends with, so when they dump him, he automatically has no friends.

But without more detail in your post, that is the best guess I can come up with.

Has he had any conflicts in the past with other boys?
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Old 12-16-2017, 09:50 AM
 
673 posts, read 107,592 times
Reputation: 390
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Iím hesitant to write this because I donít want to be judged, but Iím to the point now where I really could need some advice or encouraging words.



I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group. He reads and write well. He is great at math and he is very knowledgeable about the world in general. He gets that from watching the news with me, National Geographic, documentaries etc. He is your typical curious 8 year old boy. Of course he also watch kids programs.

However, he is also very childishÖor socially immature. He has a hard time making friends who wants to hang out with him. He was not like this before he started school (kindergarten) but the older he gets, itís like his maturity level is not catching up.
When I take him to the park he has no problems playing with 4 and 5 year olds. He realizes that they are much younger, but itís like he becomes the leader instead of the follower, like he is with his own age group.


When I take him to school in the morning I observe him waiting in line for the teacher. I noticed how the other boys in his class are discussing the latest games, movies etc and he donít know how to join the conversation. He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him. He also have a problem with being too impulsive and loud when he plays, and getting into peopleís faces. It's annoying I'm sure for the other kids.

We used to have a problem with him keeping his hands to himself, luckily thatís not much of a problem anymore.


I asked him yesterday who he played with on recess that day and he said ďnobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldnít hear me and I kept calling their names ď.
In other words, they are ignoring him.
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his ďfriendsĒ. Itís like he doesnít realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesnít seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
I remember making friends when I was his age and I would have been devastated if nobody wanted to play with me.

Thanks for reading.
Gifted. Have him tested. It wont change anything about his behavior but you ll. have a better understanding of where he s coming from and I ll tell ya you ll be more relaxed !!
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Old 12-22-2017, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
2,556 posts, read 974,518 times
Reputation: 3127
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group. He reads and write well. He is great at math and he is very knowledgeable about the world in general. He gets that from watching the news with me, National Geographic, documentaries etc. He is your typical curious 8 year old boy. Of course he also watch kids programs.

However, he is also very childish…or socially immature. He has a hard time making friends who wants to hang out with him. He was not like this before he started school (kindergarten) but the older he gets, it’s like his maturity level is not catching up.
When I take him to the park he has no problems playing with 4 and 5 year olds. He realizes that they are much younger, but it’s like he becomes the leader instead of the follower, like he is with his own age group.

When I take him to school in the morning I observe him waiting in line for the teacher. I noticed how the other boys in his class are discussing the latest games, movies etc and he don’t know how to join the conversation. He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him. He also have a problem with being too impulsive and loud when he plays, and getting into people’s faces. It's annoying I'm sure for the other kids.

We used to have a problem with him keeping his hands to himself, luckily that’s not much of a problem anymore.

I asked him yesterday who he played with on recess that day and he said “nobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldn’t hear me and I kept calling their names “.
In other words, they are ignoring him.
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his “friends”. It’s like he doesn’t realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesn’t seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
I remember making friends when I was his age and I would have been devastated if nobody wanted to play with me.
Another person before me mentioned "gifted". Allow me to propose another theory: Asperger Syndrome. I bolded the parts that led me to my conclusion. Or since Asperger Syndrome was declassified per DSM-V, then high-functioning autism.

One of the most significant symptoms of Asperger Syndrome is social impairment, especially with your own age group. That's why your son was fine playing with younger kids. Unlike autism, Asperger Syndrome doesn't affect language and intellectual development. Which allows formal communication (greetings, story-telling, etc.) to happen normally, but social commutation gets short-circuited.

Another issue is social interactions. I'm not familiar with this particular part, but I vaguely remember reading that autistic kids lag behind their mainstream peers, when it comes to social skills. Since it's in the same category of disorders, it just might be true for Asperger Syndrome too, with the difference being formal language skills.

One of my college professors definitely had it. He was kind, helpful, and sincerely cared about his students; but he fit the "eccentric professor" stereotype to a T. He was fine while teaching or during office hours, but he stumbled through words when another professor would talk to him. I wondered whether something was up with him, but I liked him as a professor, so I didn't care. I googled the way he acted a year or so later, and found out about Asperger Syndrome.

I'm ambivalent about having him tested for Asperger Syndrome. On one hand, it might help him get an IEP or a 504. On the other hand, any kind of label might cause health insurance rates to skyrocket under Trumpcare.
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Old 12-22-2017, 12:06 PM
 
3,023 posts, read 2,564,455 times
Reputation: 3845
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Another person before me mentioned "gifted". Allow me to propose another theory: Asperger Syndrome. I bolded the parts that led me to my conclusion. Or since Asperger Syndrome was declassified per DSM-V, then high-functioning autism.

One of the most significant symptoms of Asperger Syndrome is social impairment, especially with your own age group. That's why your son was fine playing with younger kids. Unlike autism, Asperger Syndrome doesn't affect language and intellectual development. Which allows formal communication (greetings, story-telling, etc.) to happen normally, but social commutation gets short-circuited.

Another issue is social interactions. I'm not familiar with this particular part, but I vaguely remember reading that autistic kids lag behind their mainstream peers, when it comes to social skills. Since it's in the same category of disorders, it just might be true for Asperger Syndrome too, with the difference being formal language skills.

One of my college professors definitely had it. He was kind, helpful, and sincerely cared about his students; but he fit the "eccentric professor" stereotype to a T. He was fine while teaching or during office hours, but he stumbled through words when another professor would talk to him. I wondered whether something was up with him, but I liked him as a professor, so I didn't care. I googled the way he acted a year or so later, and found out about Asperger Syndrome.

I'm ambivalent about having him tested for Asperger Syndrome. On one hand, it might help him get an IEP or a 504. On the other hand, any kind of label might cause health insurance rates to skyrocket under Trumpcare.
1) The original post is over 3 years old

2) Your political comments re: "Trumpcare" are inappropriate, inaccurate, and unnecessary. Or perhaps we could get into a discussion of how millions lost insurance under the previous administration

3) if you know that Asperger's has been declassified why are you suggesting it? Perhaps you are right, but many conditions can mimic autism.

4) OP my son is gifted and he was awkward in ways similar to this when he was younger. In fact, when he was in 1st grade some mom called me to tell me that my son has autism because he covered his ears during fire drills. Well he is not autistic (he has anxiety, diagnosed after a thorough evaluation). At 15 and as a freshman in HS, he gets along well with his peers, has a sweet girlfriend, is active in theater, and a great kid. I hope you have a similar happy story to tell, or that your son has gotten help.
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Old 02-11-2018, 06:17 PM
 
812 posts, read 547,725 times
Reputation: 2802
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Another person before me mentioned "gifted". Allow me to propose another theory: Asperger Syndrome. I bolded the parts that led me to my conclusion. Or since Asperger Syndrome was declassified per DSM-V, then high-functioning autism.

One of the most significant symptoms of Asperger Syndrome is social impairment, especially with your own age group. That's why your son was fine playing with younger kids. Unlike autism, Asperger Syndrome doesn't affect language and intellectual development. Which allows formal communication (greetings, story-telling, etc.) to happen normally, but social commutation gets short-circuited.

Another issue is social interactions. I'm not familiar with this particular part, but I vaguely remember reading that autistic kids lag behind their mainstream peers, when it comes to social skills. Since it's in the same category of disorders, it just might be true for Asperger Syndrome too, with the difference being formal language skills.

One of my college professors definitely had it. He was kind, helpful, and sincerely cared about his students; but he fit the "eccentric professor" stereotype to a T. He was fine while teaching or during office hours, but he stumbled through words when another professor would talk to him. I wondered whether something was up with him, but I liked him as a professor, so I didn't care. I googled the way he acted a year or so later, and found out about Asperger Syndrome.

I'm ambivalent about having him tested for Asperger Syndrome. On one hand, it might help him get an IEP or a 504. On the other hand, any kind of label might cause health insurance rates to skyrocket under Trumpcare.
We still are under obamacare, it hasn't been changed yet.
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Old 02-16-2018, 08:36 AM
 
1 posts, read 123 times
Reputation: 10
Hi Glass_of_merlot,
I can't believe my luck, I found this post while googling "my first grade boy is immature." My son sounds very similar to yours when you originally posted - he's 6.5, in first grade, very good academically (his scientific interest is animals), but very socially immature. He's also one of the youngest in his class, but I'm not sure that is a major factor.


I have a daughter diagnosed with ADHD (she's one year older). She's very classic: impulsive, hyper, inattentive, and poor executive functioning. I don't see a lot of these same qualities in my son, with the exception of immature behavior / poor social skills.


So I guess my question is, was your son diagnosed with the inattentive type of ADHD? Based on my experience with my daughter, I've asked teachers about my son but none of them seem to think he is ADHD (yet?).


I would appreciate any further feedback or advice!


Thanks!
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