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Old 10-28-2014, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,500 posts, read 3,583,485 times
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My daughter is 14. Her best friend is 8. Socially and emotionally, they are about the same. It is very worrisome to have a little girl brain in a woman's body to try and look after and guide through life.

My daughter wasn't / isn't into team sports...the same social dynamics that happen at school happen on sports teams anyway. She does do well with swim lessons, photography lessons, art classes...she even took a computer animation class. She is very introverted and when she does interact with her peers, you can definitely see the difference in social maturity. Some kids are just built that way. I have stopped worrying about it because she is an amazing person, she just isn't like most other teenagers. Looking back on my life, I have realized that I was the same way. I was climbing trees when I was 13 /14. I spent many hours alone roaming the woods near our house through my high school years, and I liked it that way.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:17 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,220 posts, read 16,253,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I was thinking more in terms of role models.

Is he around other kids in the neighborhood, or does he play alone at home a lot?

If he's mainly around the baby and you, watching news, documentaries and other intellectual pursuits, he may not be getting enough peer interaction to learn what (they think) is "cool" and what is not.

It's hard for boys to learn this AT SCHOOL because school becomes like the stage upon which they act out what they have learned at home or in the neighborhood.
We live in the city so he can't really go out and play. He has a friend he plays with because his mom and I are friends. But other than that not really. All his class mates are living all over the city. This is why school is so important for him. This is where he gets to interact with kids his won age.

Also, it's not like we are home watching documentaries together..lol. This is his own thing. He asks to watch Netflix on his Kindle and he watches shows about volcanoes, tornadoes, space, How it's made ...etc. He also watches power rangers and Ninja turtles. He is an average 8 year old in that aspect I think.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:23 AM
 
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I think what your son is experiencing is not uncommon, especially with boys. If he's happy at school, it's likely, and understandably, harder on you than it is on him.

Have you checked with the school to see if they offer a social skills group? At least one of the elementary schools my kids attended did, and it was held during lunch. Whoever wanted to attend could, and the kids ate and talked with an adult as a group. In that case it was the school guidance counselor.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:24 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,220 posts, read 16,253,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
My daughter is 14. Her best friend is 8. Socially and emotionally, they are about the same. It is very worrisome to have a little girl brain in a woman's body to try and look after and guide through life.

My daughter wasn't / isn't into team sports...the same social dynamics that happen at school happen on sports teams anyway. She does do well with swim lessons, photography lessons, art classes...she even took a computer animation class. She is very introverted and when she does interact with her peers, you can definitely see the difference in social maturity. Some kids are just built that way. I have stopped worrying about it because she is an amazing person, she just isn't like most other teenagers. Looking back on my life, I have realized that I was the same way. I was climbing trees when I was 13 /14. I spent many hours alone roaming the woods near our house through my high school years, and I liked it that way.
Just imagine when your daughter is older. She will mature eventually but probably always have a young and playful mind. My husband was a loner too I found out. After he got out of HS he joined the Army and met some lifelong friends there. Now he is almost too mature for his age.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
35,753 posts, read 34,386,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
He is an average 8 year old in that aspect I think.
As you have witnessed, he is not an average 8-year-old. But that's not a bad thing. I'm not sure you WANT him to be an average 8-yr-old.

It sounds like he is an average smart kid with relatively specialized interests who may always have trouble relating to the "regular joes" in his class who want to talk about sports or Xbox or whatever they do that he isn't doing. Does he also do the things, see the movies, play the games these other boys are talking about?

I take it he attends a private school where kids live all over and don't really see each other except at school? This can be a challenging situation for lots of people, not to mention bright, sensitive people.

Follow your son's lead, because he may not realize what's happening but if you ask him about it TOO much, it could make it a problem. You could ask the teacher about classroom interactions to get his/her insight, but some people are just more individualistic.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
35,753 posts, read 34,386,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
My husband was a loner too I found out.
This is pretty relevant info.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:31 AM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,625,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Iím hesitant to write this because I donít want to be judged, but Iím to the point now where I really could need some advice or encouraging words.



I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group. He reads and write well. He is great at math and he is very knowledgeable about the world in general. He gets that from watching the news with me, National Geographic, documentaries etc. He is your typical curious 8 year old boy. Of course he also watch kids programs.

However, he is also very childishÖor socially immature. He has a hard time making friends who wants to hang out with him. He was not like this before he started school (kindergarten) but the older he gets, itís like his maturity level is not catching up.
When I take him to the park he has no problems playing with 4 and 5 year olds. He realizes that they are much younger, but itís like he becomes the leader instead of the follower, like he is with his own age group.


When I take him to school in the morning I observe him waiting in line for the teacher. I noticed how the other boys in his class are discussing the latest games, movies etc and he donít know how to join the conversation. He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him. He also have a problem with being too impulsive and loud when he plays, and getting into peopleís faces. It's annoying I'm sure for the other kids.

We used to have a problem with him keeping his hands to himself, luckily thatís not much of a problem anymore.


I asked him yesterday who he played with on recess that day and he said ďnobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldnít hear me and I kept calling their names ď.
In other words, they are ignoring him.
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his ďfriendsĒ. Itís like he doesnít realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesnít seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
I remember making friends when I was his age and I would have been devastated if nobody wanted to play with me.

Thanks for reading.
My strategy with kids is & has always been to focus on the positive.
He's doing well in basically every area.....
Just encourage him & shower him w/ positive feedback.
He obviously doesn't have the same type of personality you did at that age--
Don't project onto him how you would have felt.
If he's not really interacting w/ the kids in his grade then
enroll him in some kind of after school programs (w/ the park district or library.)
Just so he's meeting kids who have similar interests & who also aren't from school.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:33 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 86,089,992 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesn’t seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
It's a good thing that he's oblivious to having a problem so far. Stop asking him questions about friends and such when he's at school. He's smart. He'll figure out why you're asking these questions. You'll draw his attention to having a problem. It will make him more insecure and cause him distress.

Recognize that he has a different personality than you. It's possible to be a very content loner. How he feels about his interactions is what matters most. He'll bring it up on his own when realizes he's having problems connecting with classmates.

But definitely provide him with opportunities to practice social skills with children who have similar interests. The suggestion of smaller groups is excellent. I also like the idea of karate because it helps build self confidence.
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:42 AM
 
3,201 posts, read 3,217,222 times
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Hes only 8

I wouldnt make a big deal about it, he is gonna detect that you are telling him hes doing something wrong

i know several women in their 40s that have "best friends" under 25
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Old 10-28-2014, 09:44 AM
 
13,380 posts, read 13,392,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
I have a bad habit of comparing with other kids. I know I shouldn't do that. It seems like he sticks out from everybody else which is why Im concerned.

lol, he should stick out! you notice him and his interactions because, out of the crowd of kids he is the most important person. he is his own young man, an individual. try not to worry.
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