U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 10-28-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,618 posts, read 16,998,425 times
Reputation: 10616

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
My strategy with kids is & has always been to focus on the positive.
He's doing well in basically every area.....
Just encourage him & shower him w/ positive feedback.
He obviously doesn't have the same type of personality you did at that age--
Don't project onto him how you would have felt.
If he's not really interacting w/ the kids in his grade then
enroll him in some kind of after school programs (w/ the park district or library.)
Just so he's meeting kids who have similar interests & who also aren't from school.

Thank You!
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-28-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
38,771 posts, read 37,478,570 times
Reputation: 73199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Recognize that he has a different personality than you. It's possible to be a very content loner. How he feels about his interactions is what matters most. He'll bring it up on his own when realizes he's having problems connecting with classmates.
I think this is a very good point. When you ask, OP, if it will get "better," you are framing HIS situation from YOUR point of view as his mom and as a person who interacted with kids differently than he does.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,909,402 times
Reputation: 39662
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Iím hesitant to write this because I donít want to be judged, but Iím to the point now where I really could need some advice or encouraging words.



I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group. He reads and write well. He is great at math and he is very knowledgeable about the world in general. He gets that from watching the news with me, National Geographic, documentaries etc. He is your typical curious 8 year old boy. Of course he also watch kids programs.

However, he is also very childishÖor socially immature. He has a hard time making friends who wants to hang out with him. He was not like this before he started school (kindergarten) but the older he gets, itís like his maturity level is not catching up.
When I take him to the park he has no problems playing with 4 and 5 year olds. He realizes that they are much younger, but itís like he becomes the leader instead of the follower, like he is with his own age group.


When I take him to school in the morning I observe him waiting in line for the teacher. I noticed how the other boys in his class are discussing the latest games, movies etc and he donít know how to join the conversation. He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him. He also have a problem with being too impulsive and loud when he plays, and getting into peopleís faces. It's annoying I'm sure for the other kids.

We used to have a problem with him keeping his hands to himself, luckily thatís not much of a problem anymore.


I asked him yesterday who he played with on recess that day and he said ďnobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldnít hear me and I kept calling their names ď.
In other words, they are ignoring him.
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his ďfriendsĒ. Itís like he doesnít realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesnít seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
I remember making friends when I was his age and I would have been devastated if nobody wanted to play with me.

Thanks for reading.
I feel your pain Mom

While this is not uncommon or the end of the world, it is an issue you want to stay conscious of working on over time.

One thing I would suggest you consider is changing schools (maybe next August) and holding him back a grade. Even if you can't change schools, hold him back.

I know he is capable of doing grade level work right now, but never underestimate the value of giving his EQ time to catch up with his IQ.

It's too bad when he was screened for kindergarten that no one suggested you wait a year then, but holding him back now is better than letting him go on with his age group the way things are.

The beauty of holding him back will really shine in high school. You will have a more mature kid who will be more likely to be a leader than a follower during those precarious years. In addition, he will go off to college or the real world a year older and wiser than most of his peers. This can really make a HUGE difference.

I know this is not the thing you want to do but trust me, it will be so much better for him - not just in the long term, but in the short term as soon as he gets into a new class and makes some new friends (and he will!).

Best of luck to you both
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:00 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,618 posts, read 16,998,425 times
Reputation: 10616
Thanks to all of you for your replies. I repped all of you. Very good advice so far! I feel much better.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:02 AM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,930,928 times
Reputation: 14414
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I feel your pain Mom

While this is not uncommon or the end of the world, it is an issue you want to stay conscious of working on over time.

One thing I would suggest you consider is changing schools (maybe next August) and holding him back a grade. Even if you can't change schools, hold him back.

I know he is capable of doing grade level work right now, but never underestimate the value of giving his EQ time to catch up with his IQ.

It's too bad when he was screened for kindergarten that no one suggested you wait a year then, but holding him back now is better than letting him go on with his age group the way things are.

The beauty of holding him back will really shine in high school. You will have a more mature kid who will be more likely to be a leader than a follower during those precarious years. In addition, he will go off to college or the real world a year older and wiser than most of his peers. This can really make a HUGE difference.

I know this is not the thing you want to do but trust me, it will be so much better for him - not just in the long term, but in the short term as soon as he gets into a new class and makes some new friends (and he will!).

Best of luck to you both
What in the world are you talking about???

Why hold him back?!
The kid is at his level academically.
You cannot be serious.....

OP don't hold him back-
That would do a lot of damage to him in the long run.
If anything try a different school or homeschool him for a year or 2.
Never hold a kid back unless he's behind his peers academically.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:08 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,618 posts, read 16,998,425 times
Reputation: 10616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
As you have witnessed, he is not an average 8-year-old. But that's not a bad thing. I'm not sure you WANT him to be an average 8-yr-old.

It sounds like he is an average smart kid with relatively specialized interests who may always have trouble relating to the "regular joes" in his class who want to talk about sports or Xbox or whatever they do that he isn't doing. Does he also do the things, see the movies, play the games these other boys are talking about?

I take it he attends a private school where kids live all over and don't really see each other except at school? This can be a challenging situation for lots of people, not to mention bright, sensitive people.

Follow your son's lead, because he may not realize what's happening but if you ask him about it TOO much, it could make it a problem. You could ask the teacher about classroom interactions to get his/her insight, but some people are just more individualistic.


Yes, he is playing games too but we had to limit it to weekends only. He has a tendency to let these games distract him from school work.

We live in the city of Chicago and he attends a public school. But kids from all over the city can attend.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,909,402 times
Reputation: 39662
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
What in the world are you talking about???

Why hold him back?!
The kid is at his level academically.
You cannot be serious.....

OP don't hold him back-
That would do a lot of damage to him in the long run.
If anything try a different school or homeschool him for a year or 2.
Never hold a kid back unless he's behind his peers academically.
I am completely serious and studies would back me up on this.

And she wouldn't have to hold him back academically! She would simply supplement his education with outside enrichment type classes to of course continue to encourage his academic skills.

But make no mistake...in life EQ is every bit as important as IQ.

Parents who only focus on academics and not on the whole child do them a grave disservice.

You reacted as though holding a child back is a horrible thing to do, but many many folks do this on purpose even when social and emotional immaturity are not the issue.

They have done their homework and understand the supreme advantage they are giving their children when it comes to readiness for high school and college.

That extra year of maturity can do wonders to have a child extremely focused on where they want to go in their lives and what they want to do to get there. It is the younger late birthday kids or emotionally immature ones who generally waste a whole year of mom and dad's money flunking out of college because they lack the maturity and focus to get down to work and attack their goals.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
38,771 posts, read 37,478,570 times
Reputation: 73199
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
What in the world are you talking about???

Why hold him back?!
The kid is at his level academically.
You cannot be serious.....

OP don't hold him back-
That would do a lot of damage to him in the long run.
If anything try a different school or homeschool him for a year or 2.
Never hold a kid back unless he's behind his peers academically.

You don't have to roll your eyes. People do it all the time. It's called "redshirting." Opponents claim it's done for sports (hence the nickname), but most parents do it so their child is more mature.

Of course, most parents redshirt between preschool and elementary or by having them attend kindergarten twice (once in a private school and once in their elementary of choice). Holding a kid back in 3rd grade will bring quite a stigma if he will continue to attend that school with the same kids.

I'm not saying this applies to the OP's situation either. But it is done.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:25 AM
 
5,484 posts, read 3,332,198 times
Reputation: 13891
My son is 9 and sounds a little bit like your son. He is homeschooled, but we have plenty of friends with sons about his age or a little older. He gets along okay with them, but what he really enjoys is playing with the neighbor kids. There are 6-year-old twins next door, and a his/hers family a few doors down with a 6-year-old boy, 7-year-old boy, and two 4-year-old girls.

I think he enjoys playing with them partly because he is the youngest in our family (he has two older sisters). With the younger kids, he can for a while be "the leader." Also, he still just likes playing with Legos, Nerf guns, and things like that even though some kids his age have already "outgrown" those things. I was somewhat similar to him in that I had a hard time making friends at school and was in no hurry to grow up. Not to worry, I eventually got there. If your son is doing well in school and seems happy, I wouldn't try to change anything right now.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
6,934 posts, read 7,632,542 times
Reputation: 17817
Some great advice here.

As for me (father of 2, grandfather of 6), I say...do NOTHING. He is doing well at school, sees no problem, likes school, and probably doesn't want to change anything in his life for now. Age 8 is very young for you to worry so much. If his teachers see no problem, neither should you. Try not to be a worried or interfering parent. Your boy is right on track, and will be fine.

Some kids grow in fits and starts, legs too long one year, face too childish the next. Same with emotional maturity - they can be babyish one year, and too sophisticated the next. Eventually, all the parts catch up. Your boy will grow up just fine. You don't need him to be 'perfect' at everything during the growing process. He may be awkward until adulthood. Lots of boys are.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top