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Old 10-28-2014, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,294 posts, read 20,544,645 times
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I feel for you, my son age 14, still has a tough time.

What really helped him was when I asked the school for assistance. At age 8 you should have no issues getting the school to help with social interaction. Once I brought it to the attention of the teacher and school counselor they were tremendously helpful.

There was a group created for boys that have a difficult time socially. It was 5-6 boys that were brought together for lunch a couple times a week and the counselor facilitated conversations. These boys became my son's best friends and truly a game changer!!!

This is the age you want to do what you can to help your son progress socially, learn how to interact with kids and make friends. For some it isn't an easy thing. It took years to get my son properly diagnosed with ADHD. Since he has this, he misses social cues from kids and it was very tough.
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Old 10-28-2014, 10:44 AM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,946,526 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah View Post
Some great advice here.

As for me (father of 2, grandfather of 6), I say...do NOTHING. He is doing well at school, sees no problem, likes school, and probably doesn't want to change anything in his life for now. Age 8 is very young for you to worry so much. If his teachers see no problem, neither should you. Try not to be a worried or interfering parent. Your boy is right on track, and will be fine.

Some kids grow in fits and starts, legs too long one year, face too childish the next. Same with emotional maturity - they can be babyish one year, and too sophisticated the next. Eventually, all the parts catch up. Your boy will grow up just fine. You don't need him to be 'perfect' at everything during the growing process. He may be awkward until adulthood. Lots of boys are.
Best advice so far, lol
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Old 10-28-2014, 10:44 AM
 
15,287 posts, read 16,833,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Yes, he is playing games too but we had to limit it to weekends only. He has a tendency to let these games distract him from school work.

We live in the city of Chicago and he attends a public school. But kids from all over the city can attend.
So he is in a magnet school. Does it have any locally zoned kids? Many do have children from the neighborhood as well as kids who apply from other areas. Do you live near the school? Can you arrange playdates with kids from school so he gets to know them one on one?
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Old 10-28-2014, 11:47 AM
 
6 posts, read 5,437 times
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Sometimes kids take time to make social skills, with kids nowadays it can be difficult to make friends. He's just different and not interested in the most popular new things that this generations kids are into. He might just have a different opinion on what other kids are interested in.

With him being really loud and impulsive when playing around, he may have ADHD. That could also maybe explain why he has a hard time being focused with an activity.

He could be an introvert, they tend to keep to themselves. It isn't a problem for them, it brings comfort to them to be alone from time to time. They aren't very social and they aren't usually associated with bigger groups of people. He'll make friends, he just won't have a great amount of them. He will have the two to three very close friends and maybe one or two he just plays with at school.

If he likes school and likes going, there isn't a worry there. Some kids just love to learn, it seems that he just wants to take in all of the information. If he enjoys it, then that's great!

See what elective classes he likes the most. Maybe he isn't a Gym Class kind of kid and that would explain why he didn't do so well in soccer as some other kids might have. Maybe he is interested in music, art, biology, or writing. Who knows.

Don't worry so much, he seems like a very good kid. He just isn't like everyone else. Maybe he doesn't want to be in the in crowd and enjoys being into different things. As he gets older he will find those kids who are into the same things he is. It may take some time, but it will happen.
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Old 10-28-2014, 11:58 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,495,487 times
Reputation: 5024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah View Post
Some great advice here.

As for me (father of 2, grandfather of 6), I say...do NOTHING. He is doing well at school, sees no problem, likes school, and probably doesn't want to change anything in his life for now. Age 8 is very young for you to worry so much. If his teachers see no problem, neither should you. Try not to be a worried or interfering parent. Your boy is right on track, and will be fine.

Some kids grow in fits and starts, legs too long one year, face too childish the next. Same with emotional maturity - they can be babyish one year, and too sophisticated the next. Eventually, all the parts catch up. Your boy will grow up just fine. You don't need him to be 'perfect' at everything during the growing process. He may be awkward until adulthood. Lots of boys are.
I agree with this. Unless your son is unhappy or his teachers see an issue, which you haven't said, then let it go. He'll grow up fast enough as it is. I wouldn't hold him back because you think he has a social issue that no one else has a problem with.
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Old 10-28-2014, 01:00 PM
 
10,608 posts, read 13,377,851 times
Reputation: 17153
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
I feel for you, my son age 14, still has a tough time.

What really helped him was when I asked the school for assistance. At age 8 you should have no issues getting the school to help with social interaction. Once I brought it to the attention of the teacher and school counselor they were tremendously helpful.

There was a group created for boys that have a difficult time socially. It was 5-6 boys that were brought together for lunch a couple times a week and the counselor facilitated conversations. These boys became my son's best friends and truly a game changer!!!

This is the age you want to do what you can to help your son progress socially, learn how to interact with kids and make friends. For some it isn't an easy thing. It took years to get my son properly diagnosed with ADHD. Since he has this, he misses social cues from kids and it was very tough.
I was about to mention this. I considered holding my kid back, too, for immaturity reasons BUT then I found out almost TOO LATE that he had actual physical problems. That would NOT have been helped by repeating the grade. His birthday is in June.

I would get your son evaluated by a psychologist.

My son had a 145 IQ and could do all the academic work (BUT wasn't "responsible" or focused), had a very sweet and positive personality but had some maturity, impulsivity, and shyness challenges.(AND ADD with some developmental lags). Fortunately, he had the same friends from age 5 and didn't have exactly the same challenges as your son. In fact he has the same friends as an adult. One benefit he had was that we would spend weekends socializing with the same families and got to know each other and each other's kids very well. We baby sat for each other and barely a weekend went by where someone didn't have a house guest. About eight families. So he was lucky and found a secure circle.

HOWEVER, your son sounds to ME like he has something that needs to be checked out.

I do NOT believe in the "do nothing" school of thought until you RULE OUT various issues. Especially ADD. But frankly if he is able to do his schoolwork timely, without you doing it and nagging, and accurately that does not fit the ADD profile.

Boys mature more slowly and they have enough difficulties right now with girls getting "all the attention" IMO for the past 30 years and teachers can have less patience with boys. There's even a book about it called War Against Boys. I noticed that starting in the 1980s.

To ME, this is a giant red flag coupled with the fact that he has no friends outside of school, either.

Quote:
nobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldn’t hear me and I kept calling their names “.
Listen to your mother's intuition. You have nothing to lose having him evaluated. IMO something is going on there that he can get help with. It's a much WORSE feeling to find out AFTER THE FACT as they get older. And their brains don't stop growing till they are 26 so he has a long haul. He deserves every chance which you are trying to give him.

My kid was prescribed ritalin for ADD and it WORKED MIRACLES but he hated taking it so he was in charge of if he wanted to take it or not. Which meant basically never. LOL. But he/we learned techniques every year to work with what he had.

"Mom, I hate that stuff I'm not funny on it and I lose my hockey timing."

We tried karate. He refused to take his socks off. He finally said to my exasperated snark "MOM you expect too much of me, I'm only four years old!." So that was the end of it he was RIGHT! He loved team sports though.

I also had to remove him from high school math because the jerk of a teacher didn't "believe in IEPs". OH REALLY? IT"S THE LAW.

He had a home math tutor and excelled when taught in ways he could UNDERSTAND and actually remembers that math today. NOT the same as your kid but you can't see the future and it's just an example of how you have to advocate and TRUST yourself.

Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-28-2014 at 01:15 PM..
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Old 10-28-2014, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,039,386 times
Reputation: 39664
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors View Post
I was about to mention this.

I would get your son evaluated by a psychologist.

My son had a 145 IQ and could do all the academic work, had a very sweet and positive personality but had some maturity, impulsivity, and shyness challenges.(AND ADD with some developmental lags). Fortunately, he had the same friends from age 5 and didn't have exactly the same challenges as your son. In fact he has the same friends as an adult.

HOWEVER, your son sounds to ME sounds like he has something that needs to be checked out.

I do NOT believe in the "do nothing" school of thought until you RULE OUT various issues. Especially ADD. But frankly if he is able to do his schoolwork timely, without you doing it and nagging, and accurately that does not fit the ADD profile.

Boys mature more slowly and they have enough difficulties right now with girls getting "all the attention" IMO for the past 30 years and teachers can have less patience with boys. There's even a book about it called War Against Boys. I noticed that starting in the 1980s.

To ME, this is a giant red flag coupled with the fact that he has no friends outside of school, either.



Listen you your mother's intuition. You have nothing to lose having him evaluated. IMO something is going on there that he can get help with. It's a much WORSE feeling to find out AFTER THE FACT as they get older. And their brains don't stop growing till they are 26 so he has a long haul. He deserves every chance which you are trying to give him.

My kid was prescribed ritalin for ADD and it WORKED MIRACLES but he hated taking it so he was in charge of if he wanted to take it or not. Which meant basically never. LOL. But he/we learned techniques every year to work with what he had.

"Mom, I hate that stuff I'm not funny on it and I lose my hockey timing."

We tried karate. He refused to take his socks off. He finally said to my exasperated snark "MOM you expect too much of me, I'm only four years old!." So that was the end of it he was RIGHT! He loved team sports though.
Great advice - all well said

It is so important to address these kinds of issues early on as they will not just go away or improve on their own.

As heartbreaking as it is to watch an 8 year old be lonely, friendless and struggling - it is even HARDER to watch a 15 year old go through.

Early intervention in these situations is key.

And I am big on following your mothers intuition when it comes to what is best for your child
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Old 10-28-2014, 01:13 PM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,946,526 times
Reputation: 14414
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
My son is 9 and sounds a little bit like your son. He is homeschooled, but we have plenty of friends with sons about his age or a little older. He gets along okay with them, but what he really enjoys is playing with the neighbor kids. There are 6-year-old twins next door, and a his/hers family a few doors down with a 6-year-old boy, 7-year-old boy, and two 4-year-old girls.

I think he enjoys playing with them partly because he is the youngest in our family (he has two older sisters). With the younger kids, he can for a while be "the leader." Also, he still just likes playing with Legos, Nerf guns, and things like that even though some kids his age have already "outgrown" those things. I was somewhat similar to him in that I had a hard time making friends at school and was in no hurry to grow up. Not to worry, I eventually got there. If your son is doing well in school and seems happy, I wouldn't try to change anything right now.
Seems as if the homeschoolers are much more confident in their kids than the other posters
on here who have used the public school approach.
I cannot believe there's people on here trying to label the poor kid w/ ADHD or whatever.
What next- medicate him?
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Old 10-28-2014, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,039,386 times
Reputation: 39664
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Seems as if the homeschoolers are much more confident in their kids than the other posters
on here who have used the public school approach.
I cannot believe there's people on here trying to label the poor kid w/ ADHD or whatever.
What next- medicate him?
Nobody is labeling our OP's child

runswithscissors simply suggested, and rightly so, that our OP should rule out any medical issues such as ADD.

Doing so is a good starting point for addressing her concerns over her child.
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Old 10-28-2014, 01:23 PM
 
9,018 posts, read 7,946,526 times
Reputation: 14414
^^^ Read through that posters response & yours.
Seriously- getting him psychologically evaluated because he's an introvert?!
Wtf is wrong w/ people today- let the kid be himself.
What a way to mess him up.

"Son, you're doing so well in school with your grades & everything that we
decided to get you psychologically evaluated, since you don't seem to
play with kids your own age too well"

Btw, it's very telling that so many want to sit here & play armchair psychologist.
There's nothing wrong with the kid.

Wtf
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