U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-28-2014, 03:52 PM
 
171 posts, read 129,719 times
Reputation: 243

Advertisements

If I were seeing this with my own child I would email his 3rd grade teacher and ask how (s)he thinks he is doing socially. Also, as others have mentioned, see if your school offers a social skills group or something along those lines... Does your school have a social worker? That would be a good place to start.

I have a child that is on the spectrum (medical diagnosis of Asperger syndrome) and some of what you said reminded me of what life is like at school for him. He has no concept of personal space or the pitch of his voice (too loud usually) and the lack of social skills that you describe but high IQ and advanced in math.

This in no way means that your child has that as well but there is no harm in getting him evaluated by the school if you are concerned. However, they are only required to help you in regard to issues that pertain to functioning well at school.

Maybe he is just introverted but I would be concerned if he has no friends. If he is only interested in one or two kids -no problem- none is a bit of a red flag.

Is your son clumsy? Is he aware if he says something offensive to other kids?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:01 PM
 
10,610 posts, read 12,691,810 times
Reputation: 17074
THESE are the "red flags".

His mother states:

He is significantly different than ALL of his peers.

He " He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him."

He was too handsy/loud/intrusive with other children and had to have it addressed. He still has some of these problems.

He joined sports but was too distracted.

He says "they can't HEAR him" when he speaks to the other children even though he keeps calling their names. This is a VERY UNIQUE phraseology. In fact, oddly the ONLY time I ever heard someone say that was a client of mine with dementia.

Quote:
“nobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldn’t hear me and I kept calling their names “.
That's FINE if you all think this represents a "happy" child.

What's surprising to ME, is that ANY parent would think having him evaluated would be a negative thing.

Of course, the mom hasn't discussed it with the school or described any interactions when she had children his age over from the school or wherever so there's LOTS of missing information as long as everyone is GUESSING.

On thing is for SURE. He is going to have social challenges in the future, going by what the mom reports; especially if she does nothing.

NO I am not diagnosing ADHD or "whatever". IF I were going to do so I'd be thinking Aspergers but I didn't want to freak her OUT.

Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-28-2014 at 04:14 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:02 PM
 
1,127 posts, read 1,674,408 times
Reputation: 1123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
The OP's son isn't being bullied. He's happy.
In general these kids won't talk about being bullied. My son is a bully-magnet. We go to a park or even in our neighborhood, the bullies seem to just sniff him out.

If I wasn't paying attention, I'd have no idea. My son is something of a clam and doesn't talk. I'm really glad I homeschool or I wouldn't know what was happening.

I'd definitely open communication w/ the teacher and try to figure out what's happening.

Alley
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:07 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 86,089,992 times
Reputation: 30135
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors View Post
That's FINE if you all think this represents a "happy" child.
The OP also said these specific words:

Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his “friends”. It’s like he doesn’t realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesn’t seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
He's happily oblivious.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:11 PM
 
10,610 posts, read 12,691,810 times
Reputation: 17074
And BTW for those of you calling the boy an "introvert", no, I see no evidence of that from the mom.

He WANTS to speak to the other kids and fails to be able to accomplish it. He USED TO HAVE friends "before". So what happened? He just became incapable of it NOW?

He WANTS to touch, etc and has to be told to dial it down.

Quote:
Lol wow-- I'm so glad I don't know any of you people IRL.
IMO actually the PROBLEM is you probably don't know any of the "other" kind of people who actually HAVE these problems.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:13 PM
 
10,610 posts, read 12,691,810 times
Reputation: 17074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
The OP also said these specific words:


He's happily oblivious.
Good point. But I did use quotes.

There's "HAPPY" and there's happily oblivious and socially inept.

Until "they CANT HEAR HIM CALL THEIR NAMES OVER AND OVER".

Perhaps that doesn't "bother" him.

And people say that's not a red flag? LOL Ok.

And it's not a red flag that he's saying he has "friends" at school when the OP knows perfectly well he doesn't.

NO. Something is wrong here. There are conditions where the person acts "happy" but they still get support, therapy, etc. Anyone on the spectrum. Down, etc. HOW are these individuals supposed to reach old age in a productive satisfied way if they cannot interact with others? Mom is only going to be around for so long to watch Natl Geo with. YES of course I hope I'm completely WRONG and exaggerating.

Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-28-2014 at 04:23 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:14 PM
 
Location: U.S.A., Earth
4,075 posts, read 2,358,741 times
Reputation: 3481
8yo seems to be a bit early to be this concerned. OTOH, this does seem to be the sort of thing that's better addressed or at least noticed earlier.

I'd say try to find out why he's not getting responses from his peers. It could be as something as simple an dumb as wearing a shirt of a cartoon or franchise that's no longer popular, or perhaps something more serious like habits (ie. nose picking) or hygiene. Not sure how to go about this... ask him if he notices anything? Try to ask the other kids' parents if they picked up on anything directly or through their kids.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:18 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 86,089,992 times
Reputation: 30135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia64 View Post
In general these kids won't talk about being bullied. My son is a bully-magnet. We go to a park or even in our neighborhood, the bullies seem to just sniff him out.

If I wasn't paying attention, I'd have no idea. My son is something of a clam and doesn't talk. I'm really glad I homeschool or I wouldn't know what was happening.

I'd definitely open communication w/ the teacher and try to figure out what's happening.

Alley
What do you mean by these kids? Did you make the determination that the OP's son is just like your child? Do you mean Asperger's? My girlfriend has three children with Asperger's and they are very happy children. Well, they're young adults now, and they are still very happy. They weren't bullied. Bullies enjoy getting a reaction from their targets and children with mild Asperger's don't typically respond in a manner that fulfills a bully. You self diagnosed your child. He/she might not even have Asperger's. He/she might not be similar to the OP's child at all. The OP says he does fine at the park with children who are slightly younger. She didn't say he is sniffed out by bullies.

I'm not opposed to the OP doing what she can to get him more opportunities to learn and practice social skills. I'm not even against testing as long as she doesn't tell him why. But I am strongly advising her to not give him the third degree about his socializing at school. If he's happy, he doesn't need her implying to him that he shouldn't be happy via asking him questions that cause him self-doubt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:26 PM
 
12,665 posts, read 18,894,417 times
Reputation: 32430
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post

I'm not opposed to the OP doing what she can to get him more opportunities to learn and practice social skills. I'm not even against testing as long as she doesn't tell him why. But I am strongly advising her to not give him the third degree about his socializing at school. If he's happy, he doesn't need her implying to him that he shouldn't be happy via asking him questions that cause him self-doubt.
I agree with this. I'm not against home schooling either, when it's done to either improve academics, or to protect against ongoing bullying. But neither fits in this case, and I think that, if anything, it would further isolate this child socially.

OP, you asked if things "do get better". I have known a couple of socially immature kids, and the answer is "yes". In most cases, they eventually find their niche, and are perfectly content to have just a couple of friends who share their interests.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,264 posts, read 83,820,634 times
Reputation: 39572
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
What do you mean by these kids? Did you make the determination that the OP's son is just like your child? Do you mean Asperger's? My girlfriend has three children with Asperger's and they are very happy children. Well, they're young adults now, and they are still very happy. They weren't bullied. Bullies enjoy getting a reaction from their targets and children with mild Asperger's don't typically respond in a manner that fulfills a bully. You self diagnosed your child. He/she might not even have Asperger's. He/she might not be similar to the OP's child at all. The OP says he does fine at the park with children who are slightly younger. She didn't say he is sniffed out by bullies.

I'm not opposed to the OP doing what she can to get him more opportunities to learn and practice social skills. I'm not even against testing as long as she doesn't tell him why. But I am strongly advising her to not give him the third degree about his socializing at school. If he's happy, he doesn't need her implying to him that he shouldn't be happy via asking him questions that cause him self-doubt.
Hopes, I took her to mean kids like our OP's - immature, no friends, unable to act appropriately around peers. I do not think she was intending to diagnose this child or say he has any kind of problem like Aspergers
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top