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Originally Posted by Alicia64
After a lot of reading I've determined that he has mild Aspergers. (My husband has it too and I think there's a genetic component.)
Does a formal diagnosis matter?
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It could matter. You should investigate. A formal diagnosis might make your son eligible for certain programs to help develop social skills, special classes, individual attention, and other things that can be helpful to him. If he has Asperger's, it would be good to get help with his social skills, and certain programs to help him with that might open up if he has a diagnosis.
I read that some parents like to get diagnosis for learning deficiencies, so their children can get extra help with their studies and special attention. So it might be a good idea to find out if this would be helpful for your son.
Ask somebody in your local community who knows more about Asperger's and/or government services available to them if a formal diagnosis would be a good idea for your son or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia64
Typically kids on the Asperger's spectrum have tough childhoods because they don't tend to fit in well and are bully-magnets.
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True.
Asperger's runs very strongly in my family. I think almost everybody, if not everybody, on my Dad's side of the family has it; ranging from mild to severe. I know that the 4 children in my family all had problems with bullies. (I don't know about my dad's 12 siblings and their children, because I haven't asked. I would be surprised if they hadn't though. Somebody who lived in the same town said they were all "weirdos".)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia64
But when they become adults, they do better because they have skills that are highly sought.
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Not true.
Many people with Asperger's are gifted, but IQ and natural talents are not as valuable for career success as EQ, and people with Asperger's are low in EQ. People with good social skills get more job offers than people who lack them but are better qualified, even when social ability has nothing to do with the job. That seems wrong, but that's the way it is.
Moreover, many people with Asperger's are victims of bullies, and being a bully victim can destroy a person's self-esteem and cause other psychological problems that might hinder their ability to find and maintain a good job.
My dad was very successful. He started his own company, which grew to a huge international company. He's been called a "genius" for his marketing and manufacturing skills, and even received an award from President Reagan. But he would not have gone that far if he didn't have a very ambitious and organized wife with extremely high social skills that pushed him, kept him on track, and always accompanied him on dinner with clients and for PR events like conventions and trade shows. She made sure his shoes matched, his belly-button wasn't sticking out, and he remembered when he wasn't late for meetings. He didn't understand why any of that was important.
I remember him saying, several times, that he never would have been successful if he had to work under somebody else. I believe it. He probably would have been fired for being late for work, and other people wouldn't want to hire him because he would go to dress like a slob for job interviews, wouldn't look the interviewers in the eyes, and would probably fiddle around with something in the interviewer's office (like a pencil stand or stapler or something). That's the kind of guy he was, and those kind of guys have trouble getting good jobs.
Moreover, dad was the only child out of 13 in his family to be successful, and none of his 4 adult children have been successful. His parents were not successful either. Neither were any of his immediate relatives. There are many geniuses in his family, and some musical talent too, but only 1 was financially successful. He got lucky.
It is difficult for people with Asperger's to get good jobs, or to get promoted, because they don't have the social skills to get ahead. (Unless the employer is somebody like my dad that
doesn't discriminate against people based on their social skills.) And unfortunately, social skills are more important for success in the job market than intelligence and ability.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia64
Many think Bill Gates, Einstein, Thomas Jefferson and more had Asperger's.
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I don't know much about Gates, but I know that Einstein and Jefferson would have had trouble getting good jobs in today's job market. The same goes for most historic geniuses with Asperger's.
Wow, this doesn't sound very inspiring. Sorry to be depressing.
But the good news is that people know more about Asperger's now, and know that people with Asperger's can do better in society and the job market by learning the social skills that come naturally to other people.
I buy a lot of books to teach my daughter social skills, because I don't want her to lose opportunities. I don't know if she has Asperger's, but it runs strongly in my family, so I'm not taking chances. Buying a few books on how to teach kids social skills is not a bad idea, imo, even if they don't have a problem in that area.
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