Family refuses to accept child's disability (college, raise, dad, best)

[gouligann]

I am deaf in one ear (have been since birth) and in social situations I have great difficulty hearing also, so I can relate. It is SO frustrating missing things that other people are laughing about or talking about. If we are out for supper or at a social function, my friends graciously help me by letting me sit with them on my "hearing" side.
If I have a stranger sitting on my deaf side, I tend to ignore them because it's embarrassing to keep asking them to repeat things. They probably thing I'm being rude by ignoring them, but in reality, I can't hear them if there is a lot of noise in a room.

On the other hand, I can hear better with my good ear in a quiet situation than our dogs at times LOL Most often, our dogs hear my husband come home after work and go crazy with joy, but sometimes I'll hear him pull in and they don't react at all until he puts the key in the door.

To the OP: As for being treated poorly at work, I'd go to the top and if that doesn't help, go to the worker's rights board in your city. They'll learn not to treat a disability with nastiness. You have EVERY right to an equal job and being treated with respect, as a hearing person.

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by gouligann

I am deaf in one ear (have been since birth) and in social situations I have great difficulty hearing also, so I can relate. It is SO frustrating missing things that other people are laughing about or talking about. If we are out for supper or at a social function, my friends graciously help me by letting me sit with them on my "hearing" side.
If I have a stranger sitting on my deaf side, I tend to ignore them because it's embarrassing to keep asking them to repeat things. They probably thing I'm being rude by ignoring them, but in reality, I can't hear them if there is a lot of noise in a room.

On the other hand, I can hear better with my good ear in a quiet situation than our dogs at times LOL Most often, our dogs hear my husband come home after work and go crazy with joy, but sometimes I'll hear him pull in and they don't react at all until he puts the key in the door.

To the OP: As for being treated poorly at work, I'd go to the top and if that doesn't help, go to the worker's rights board in your city. They'll learn not to treat a disability with nastiness. You have EVERY right to an equal job and being treated with respect, as a hearing person.

I've already quit. That was 2yrs ago. The union was a joke. My parents told me that was life and deal with it. I knew in the back of mind there are Disability resources that protects them. I was too concerned with keeping my job and last thing I wanted to happened was get fired.

[harlowvart]

I'm sorry, that really sucks that you couldn't make your parents understand. I have a nephew who was hearing impaired in both ears. He had surgery, but I do wonder what he hears. I think his parents would be like yours were, unfortunately. Have you ever thought about advocating for kids? Your story may be powerful for parents to hear.

[Meyerland]

You were given a double disadvantage in that you had a hearing loss and unsympathetic parents.

However, they allow you to live with them at an age when most people have left their childhood home. (35 years) They obviously love you enough to do that. That's more than a lot of people have.

I suggest you find a way to supplement your SSDI income and leave home. This will help you to become more independent and hopefully find happiness.

Good luck to you!

[gouligann]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I was born hearing impaired. From age 2 and on, I wore hearing aids in both ears.

My family assumed just because I wore them I could hear perfectly fine. That was far from the truth. Yes, I could "hear", however, I still had great difficulty understanding what was being said in social situations. When I tried to express my feelings that I couldn't hear, they thought I was lying trying to get my way out of something.

I attended public schooling that had a program that's geared to children who were hearing impaired and deaf. I had an interpreter in all classes.

My family were Catholics. My siblings went to private school. So, I had to attend Sunday school from k-8th grade. HATED it. My parents didn't give a rat's behind that I had difficulty hearing. Even sitting in the front row didn't help much. It would of been fine if I had an interpreter. Mass was the same way. Most boring hour and 15 minutes of my life EVERY week. <yawn>. No intepreter. So, when I was 18, I rebelled and stop going to Church. My dad would always call me a heathen and that I was going to h*ll. for not going trying to make me feel guilty.

I was embarrassed of my hearing loss. It wasn't talked about outside of the immediate family, and eventually stopped expressing what I felt since they'd accuse me of lying.

If your parents think you are lying about not hearing properly, I wonder if there's a test you can take with a hearing technician in a social situation so they can monitor what you hear and what you don't? Maybe a test can prove to your parents that you aren't lying and that you don't hear perfectly like everyone else even with hearing aids on?

As for your religion, if you are a believer of your faith, IMO you don't need to sit in a church to prove it. Church is a place for people to gather for their faith, but where is it written in stone that if you don't attend, you are going to h*ll? Forcing people to go to church doesn't make any sense. It certainly doesn't make your faith stronger or even at all for that matter. Being a good person, and living a good life is what matters.

[willow wind]

I, too, thought the OP was about 20. OP it would really be helpful for you to look into ways to leave home. Check your local housing authority to look into Section 8 housing or similar programs. The same goes for looking into state resources for the deaf and hard of hearing. Check into what is available for both employment and schooling. Check also into the availability of programs for low income people. This varies greatly by state.

Right now you seem locked into an untenable situation where you're living with people who are doing you not much good. They care for you enough to let you stay although it's not emotionally healthy for you. Breaking free is going to be all on you though.

[CSD610]

Is this the very same family that hurt your feelings because a sibling did not ask you to be in the wedding party?

If they treated you so bad growing up why in the world would it hurt your feelings so many years later that they did not include you in something?
It appears they did not include you in much as you were growing up so the most recent instance should be normal for you.

[Inkpoe]

Originally Posted by gouligann

If your parents think you are lying about not hearing properly, I wonder if there's a test you can take with a hearing technician in a social situation so they can monitor what you hear and what you don't? Maybe a test can prove to your parents that you aren't lying and that you don't hear perfectly like everyone else even with hearing aids on?

I had to snort at this. Her parents aren't going to get it, even with an audiologist's explanation. I know this because I've seen it with my own and with a lot of my Deaf friends' s parents. It's a hearing person's fallacy that hearing aids replenishes, restores a (deaf) person's hearing ability and I can tell you it's a fair few that gets that it doesn't. I've been told when I tell others of my hearing limits that I'm "simply not trying hard enough." Hearing people simply don't get what it's like to be deaf and how isolating and frustrating it is... and they also don't know how hostile (hearing) people get when they feel they're not being heard by the deaf person.

OP, I agree that its time for you to move on.... Perhaps you can start by going to Gallaudet U.

[PeaceAndLove42]

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

I had to snort at this. Her parents aren't going to get it, even with an audiologist's explanation. I know this because I've seen it with my own and with a lot of my Deaf friends' s parents. It's a hearing person's fallacy that hearing aids replenishes, restores a (deaf) person's hearing ability and I can tell you it's a fair few that gets that it doesn't. I've been told when I tell others of my hearing limits that I'm "simply not trying hard enough." Hearing people simply don't get what it's like to be deaf and how isolating and frustrating it is... and they also don't know how hostile (hearing) people get when they feel they're not being heard by the deaf person.

OP, I agree that its time for you to move on.... Perhaps you can start by going to Gallaudet U.

See, I just don't get this. If someone told me they had a hearing aid I would always automatically just assume while it helps it is called an "hearing aid" not a "hearing fixer" after all, and as such unless they said otherwise I would just assume their hearing isn't perfect and try to work with them. If someone has a diagnosed hearing problem I'd think you'd have to be completely daft to think even with an hearing aid they could hear perfectly.

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by harlowvart

I'm sorry, that really sucks that you couldn't make your parents understand. I have a nephew who was hearing impaired in both ears. He had surgery, but I do wonder what he hears. I think his parents would be like yours were, unfortunately. Have you ever thought about advocating for kids? Your story may be powerful for parents to hear.

no, havent thought about it

Originally Posted by Meyerland

You were given a double disadvantage in that you had a hearing loss and unsympathetic parents.

However, they allow you to live with them at an age when most people have left their childhood home. (35 years) They obviously love you enough to do that. That's more than a lot of people have.

I suggest you find a way to supplement your SSDI income and leave home. This will help you to become more independent and hopefully find happiness.

Good luck to you!

Originally Posted by gouligann

If your parents think you are lying about not hearing properly, I wonder if there's a test you can take with a hearing technician in a social situation so they can monitor what you hear and what you don't? Maybe a test can prove to your parents that you aren't lying and that you don't hear perfectly like everyone else even with hearing aids on?
Too laye for that. Im already an adult

As for your religion, if you are a believer of your faith, IMO you don't need to sit in a church to prove it. Church is a place for people to gather for their faith, but where is it written in stone that if you don't attend, you are going to h*ll? Forcing people to go to church doesn't make any sense. It certainly doesn't make your faith stronger or even at all for that matter. Being a good person, and living a good life is what matters.

well said.

Originally Posted by willow wind

I, too, thought the OP was about 20. OP it would really be helpful for you to look into ways to leave home. Check your local housing authority to look into Section 8 housing or similar programs. The same goes for looking into state resources for the deaf and hard of hearing. Check into what is available for both employment and schooling. Check also into the availability of programs for low income people. This varies greatly by state.

Right now you seem locked into an untenable situation where you're living with people who are doing you not much good. They care for you enough to let you stay although it's not emotionally healthy for you. Breaking free is going to be all on you though.

That's what I'm gonna do, find what's availabe and go from there

Originally Posted by CSD610

Is this the very same family that hurt your feelings because a sibling did not ask you to be in the wedding party?
Yes

If they treated you so bad growing up why in the world would it hurt your feelings so many years later that they did not include you in something?
It appears they did not include you in much as you were growing up so the most recent instance should be normal for you.

I've always bottled my feelings up and hard to verbalize my feelings/opinions

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

I had to snort at this. Her parents aren't going to get it, even with an audiologist's explanation. I know this because I've seen it with my own and with a lot of my Deaf friends' s parents. It's a hearing person's fallacy that hearing aids replenishes, restores a (deaf) person's hearing ability and I can tell you it's a fair few that gets that it doesn't. I've been told when I tell others of my hearing limits that I'm "simply not trying hard enough." Hearing people simply don't get what it's like to be deaf and how isolating and frustrating it is... and they also don't know how hostile (hearing) people get when they feel they're not being heard by the deaf person.
Well said.
OP, I agree that its time for you to move on.... Perhaps you can start by going to Gallaudet U.

Originally Posted by PeaceAndLove42

See, I just don't get this. If someone told me they had a hearing aid I would always automatically just assume while it helps it is called an "hearing aid" not a "hearing fixer" after all, and as such unless they said otherwise I would just assume their hearing isn't perfect and try to work with them. If someone has a diagnosed hearing problem I'd think you'd have to be completely daft to think even with an hearing aid they could hear perfectly.

My parents were just ignorant.