formerly good sleeper suddenly getting up at night...often... (parent, boy, child)
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For most of his life, he was in a crib. He couldn't get out! He was in a crib until he was 2.5. Once he moved to a toddler bed, we put one of those white 'safety knobs' on his door so he wouldn't roam the house and harm himself while we were sleeping. Our room was right next door; on the rare times that he woke in distress for any reason we were in his room instantly.
I'm baffled that several people have commented on this. I really am. Literally every single parent I know has done something similar to prevent their very young children from wandering the house at night. I don't personally know of a single parent who allows their toddlers to roam at night like that.
As for now, of course I want my child to come to me if he is upset or in distress. But coming in at 3 AM "because I want to tell you something" or he wants to play isn't OK, and I want to stop this as soon as possible.
We don't give him liquids before bed, so we're puzzled as to why he's suddenly having to use the potty every night. For months he was sleeping through the night, and his nighttime pullup was dry in the morning. I think he might be waking for other reasons, and then wakes up enough to need the potty.
I'm trying to find some solutions to help him understand that he shouldn't be roaming into our rooms 1-3 times a night, *every* night. I'm not talking about nightmares, or being sick, or scared. Re:scared of the dark, he's not coming into our room scared and upset, which I would understand. (As I've mentioned, he has a nightlight in his room AND in the bathroom). He's coming in because he wants to "play", or because he wants help with the potty. Or both.
It's been extraordinarily difficult to go to work everyday and stay focused and alert because I'm so sleep deprived. Last night he woke us up 3 times. So...tired... Ironic, because he started sleeping through the night at 3 months of age. So now that he's 3, he's decided to wake us up!
ETA: Thank you for the suggestion on the color changing clock, we might try that!
I've never heard of it...and I have kids and know people with kids, and baby sat, and was a nanny, etc. I have never once heard of someone locking their kids in their rooms over night as a "norm". The only time I heard about it was when I was working with CPS and they were not for it at all.
I think though, its something he just has to outgrow doing. Yeah, you get woken up alot, but that *was* in the parenting manual. Just keep putting him back in. He isn't really having to go to the bathroom, he is flexing his newly earned freedom.
I really do disagree making him stay in his room until 7am, I have to say. Most kids are early risers. Yeah he was fine with it when he had no choice, but now he does. He wants to get out of his room. I would!
I'm baffled that several people have commented on this. I really am. Literally every single parent I know has done something similar to prevent their very young children from wandering the house at night. I don't personally know of a single parent who allows their toddlers to roam at night like that.
Of course I am serious!
None of my friends who had children locked them up either. I have never heard of this!
I was one of seven children and my parents never locked any of us up either!
Maybe you need to play with him and get him tired instead of whatever current interaction you have with your son.
I don't mean rough-housing right before bed, of course. I mean during the day. If he's in daycare he might not be getting enough exercise and therefore is not tired enough to sleep all night. Do they just turn on the TV or give them video games to play? That's not going to help anything.
Another thought is his age. In my experience, three-year-olds are really attached to their parents and want to be with them as much as possible. But don't worry! That stage is generally over by age four, and they become more independent with every passing year. You will recall with fondness those times when your child really needed you and was not shy about expressing that need.
I think we're just going to have to disagree on the safety knobs, since we're coming from different POVs.
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Maybe you need to play with him and get him tired instead of whatever current interaction you have with your son. I don't mean rough-housing right before bed, of course. I mean during the day. If he's in daycare he might not be getting enough exercise and therefore is not tired enough to sleep all night. Do they just turn on the TV or give them video games to play? That's not going to help anything.
My current interaction with my son is to play with him, read lots of stories, and generally enjoy the time we have together. This may come as a shock, but just because I don't want to be awakened 3 times a night for no reason doesn't mean I don't enjoy spending time with him.
We do not allow my son to watch TV or play video games. He saw absolutely nothing on a television or computer screen before the age of 2. Now we've started to introduce the occasional video, but he can easily go a few weeks in between a single video. We don't support the notion of "TV as a babysitter." (Just our POV, not trying to get political).
You might be thinking of a regular babysitter. It's a huge misconception that kids aren't active in a daycare center--in fact, it's the opposite. My son is in a preschool/center, which he LOVES. In addition to two one-hour sessions of outdoor play, they have music/dance time, circle time in which they learn curriculum, art & creativity, loads of free play.... The lack of activity is a problem in the depths of winter, when they can't play outside as much, but he is *super* tired and tuckered out by bedtime! We've had some crappy weather around here on the weekend, so generally he gets way more stimulation and activity during the week when he is with his friends.
We're really baffled.
It sounds like it might be a phase, which we might have to wait out.... I just don't want him thinking that nighttime = playtime.
Does he take naps at daycare? Does he nap when he's home on the weekends? If he isn't napping at home on the weekends then that could be a cause of him getting up in the night. My son went through something similar at age 3. It was the worst year sleep wise ever. Bedtime was a nightmare so we ended up letting him stay downstairs to fall asleep and then carrying him up. We also had to give him melatonin so he would fall asleep before 10/10:30. He would also wake in the night the yell for us until someone came in his room. He was able to get out but he was afraid of the dark so wouldn't come out of his room.
We moved a little after him turning 4 and he went to bed without issue and would only wake in the night if he was sick or had a bad dream.
My daughter has always gotten up in the night to go potty once she was PT. We left the bathroom light on for her. Could you leave the light on and perhaps that would make a difference?
Ok, I'm beginning to really wonder... One person said that their 5 year old still can't use the potty by themselves, and now the OP says that her son was 2.5 and still in a crib?
My grandkids - 11 months apart - both at the moment, 3 years old - have both been out of a crib since before they were 2 - and are both very capable of going to the bathroom (#1 & #2) successfully and hygienically....
I didn't say my 5 year old can't use the potty by herself. I said that she is still in pull-ups overnight. She uses the potty independently just fine when she is awake. I did say that when my other daughter was 2 she couldn't use the big potty by herself at night though.
My kids were out of their cribs at 24 months and 18 months, but in my experience that was considered "early" by a lot of people, so I don't find it unusual to hear of a 2.5 year old still in a crib.
We did have a baby gate up on their doorway. For us, the main purpose of that was to keep the dog out of their room though.
Does he take naps at daycare? Does he nap when he's home on the weekends? If he isn't napping at home on the weekends then that could be a cause of him getting up in the night. My son went through something similar at age 3. It was the worst year sleep wise ever. Bedtime was a nightmare so we ended up letting him stay downstairs to fall asleep and then carrying him up. We also had to give him melatonin so he would fall asleep before 10/10:30. He would also wake in the night the yell for us until someone came in his room. He was able to get out but he was afraid of the dark so wouldn't come out of his room.
sigh....I think you may be onto something with the napping. In September he started refusing the nap, and it's hit or miss. However I'm not certain if I see any particular correlation between the nap status and him sleeping at night. Yesterday he took a great nap at daycare, but was up 3 times last night. I'll start paying attention to this going forward.
he's always been a fantastic sleeper...2 hr naps, 10-11 hours at night, in bed by 8 PM. So it's a bit of a shock to have it all upended.
Ok, I'm beginning to really wonder...
One person said that their 5 year old still can't use the potty by themselves, and now the OP says that her son was 2.5 and still in a crib?
My grandkids - 11 months apart - both at the moment, 3 years old - have both been out of a crib since before they were 2 - and are both very capable of going to the bathroom (#1 & #2) successfully and hygienically....
I had 3 kids and never locked any of their doors and never had anything on them that prevented them from opening their doors. Their doors had the lever type handles anyway...never heard of locking kids in (legally, anyway). Huge safety issue, IMO.
My oldest was in a bed at 18 months because his baby brother needed the crib. The next was in a bed at around 18 months as well, because he kept climbing out of his crib. The baby was out around the same age, because he wanted to be like the big boys and sleep in a big bed.
I agree that he is testing his new found freedom, and he also probably no longer needs a nap.
OP- sounds like you are a solid parent, and we can agree to disagree on the lock. Just keep walking him back, dont engage. You will be sleepy for a while (depending on how stubborn your lil guy is), but it sounds like you have the ability to be consistent. Since he is older now, perhaps let him leave his room on his own once it is light out (or what que works best) to play in the living room could be a step towards him having more autonomy, which might lead him to not waking you up as much.
sigh....I think you may be onto something with the napping. In September he started refusing the nap, and it's hit or miss. However I'm not certain if I see any particular correlation between the nap status and him sleeping at night. Yesterday he took a great nap at daycare, but was up 3 times last night. I'll start paying attention to this going forward.
he's always been a fantastic sleeper...2 hr naps, 10-11 hours at night, in bed by 8 PM. So it's a bit of a shock to have it all upended.
I think the nap is the culprit. He's refusing them because he doesn't need them but at daycare he doesn't have a choice. They have to offer a nap. I went through this with both of my kids (my son at 3). My daughter at age 4/5 used to be up well over 11pm because the nap at daycare. She didn't need it....she stopped napping at home before 3 though if she was really worn out by a weekend activity she would nap. Now, that I'm thinking of it she woke a lot in the night at around 4/5. She would come downstairs in the night and make any excuse she could to talk to us. Once she started summer camp this past summer, and the naps ended she sleeps great and hasn't gotten up in the night for months.
I think the nap is the culprit. He's refusing them because he doesn't need them but at daycare he doesn't have a choice. They have to offer a nap. I went through this with both of my kids (my son at 3). My daughter at age 4/5 used to be up well over 11pm because the nap at daycare. She didn't need it....she stopped napping at home before 3 though if she was really worn out by a weekend activity she would nap. Now, that I'm thinking of it she woke a lot in the night at around 4/5. She would come downstairs in the night and make any excuse she could to talk to us. Once she started summer camp this past summer, and the naps ended she sleeps great and hasn't gotten up in the night for months.
I think everyone is right about the nap....sadly. Yesterday, he took a solid nap in the afternoon. Last night? Woke up 3 times again, and then decided 5:45 AM was "wake up time." ::groan:::
The problem is that when he doesn't nap, he is tired and cranky and difficult later in the day. I think he's at a transition point in which he still kinda needs it, but is resulting in too much sleep. We went through this when he was younger and transitioned from 3 naps down to 2, and then 2 naps down to 1. I guess we might just have to power through it.
Thanks everyone for the helpful feedback.
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That stage is generally over by age four, and they become more independent with every passing year. You will recall with fondness those times when your child really needed you and was not shy about expressing that need.
