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Last Christmas, my then 16-y-o oldest grandson received a smartphone from his parents.
The mayhem that ensued was unbelievable. Family meals disrupted. Classroom work disrupted. Sleep disrupted. The kid was on that thing all of the time. Literally. Now, I know that a 16-y-o is very different than a 9-y-o. And the smartphone was a gift, not something that belonged to his parents. But the results were very similar. Things came to a head over a family get-together (3 generations, and cousins) and the phone was taken away from him.
Long story short, he gets the phone for an hour per day. It has a password that only his dad knows. I gave him a TracFone (small card air-time flip phone) to keep in his backpack in case he needs to call his parents. He can text with it, but not much else. None of us (adults) want to go back to the paleozoic, but all of us (adults) realize that it is not good for kids - of any age - to spend hours staring into a screen, while school, homework, family, sleep, meals and physical activity go to Hades. It isn't healthy for growing young people. There will be no more gifts of smartphones.
All 6 of my grandchildren are allowed one hour per weekday on a phone, tablet, computer, or TV. Yes, the TV is included as that is another form of passive entertainment. They can use these things for 2 hours per day on weekends and holidays. Believe me, they choose those hours very wisely!
Mine is only 4 and I know you're upset. I would be too. But it seems like something a kid would do if he could get away with it - it isn't really that bad of a crime. I don't know an adequate punishment and you should hit him with both barrels for lying. I just want to point out that it isn't his first step on the path toward a life of crime. Sometimes I let myself get really down about some kind of misbehavior so just want to show you a little understanding
I agree with that. If we have one kid that's restricted from using electronics or watching TV, we make them leave the room while the kids that didn't get in trouble still use them - no reason to punish them all. We always add extra punishment for lying. We tell our kids that they are in trouble for breaking rules no matter what, and lying adds extra time that they could have avoided.
I don't think I'd go quite that far, but I'd definitely take it away for some period of time that would hurt a bit. Depends on the kid. For mine, losing something he likes for one day is almost unbearable. A week would put him into "I don't care anymore" territory.
I make my kids present all electronics to me before they go to bed. My kids are a bit older, and therefore have more (laptops (they bought with birthday money), cheap tablets (we're talking $50 purchase price), and game consoles). When it's bedtime, they automatically bring everything to me and stack it up on the kitchen counter before they head upstairs.
I then lock it all up (hide it) and they don't get it back until I get home from work the next day and see that they've completed all their homework. The hiding place? The garage - they will NEVER think to look in there.
It's a system that has worked for us for the past year since they each bought their laptops. They don't complain because this has been enforced since electronics entered the house and they know it's non-negotiable.
As for punishments, I take away all electronics for 24 hours when they break a rule. 48 hours if it's particularly bad. And this includes TV, too.
Thanks all. We will have no ipads at all on weekdays, they will stay hidden until the weekend (if he got his school work done that week!). So that solves the problem of losing one in the bedtime shuffle.
And for sleeping during work time, he will be making up the work this weekend, with no screen time.
I wouldn't sell it because you're saying it has some benefit. I would absolutely make them check them back in at the end of the day. I might also make them show they had done homework before I let them check them out. As for this weekend, I think it's good to give the message that school is important and he will need to make up any work he missed before he gets to do something fun over the weekend. That's the natural consequence. I might also add something like chores for his being up with it when he knew he shouldn't and for lying. Once those are done, tell him you live him and let him have a good weekend.
Hey highflyingbird....have you ever heard the Elton John song 'high flying bird'? I always liked it.
Anyway, back to your issue. I have a couple comments.
1. This is an opportunity for you to discuss the 'lying' aspect of things
2 The IPAD, When my youngest son is using the IPAD I feel like I'm partially responsible because I am not engaging with him, or giving him something else more productive to do. So I mentally browbeat myself first and think what can I do...
3. Everybody needs some relaxation time, the issue is a reasonable balance.
4. The suggestions about storing the IPAD's close to the bed after 8:30 or turning off the WIFI seems good too.
At bed time I asked him where the other ipad was, he said he didn't know, he thought daddy took it.
at 3am I got up for water and he was wide awake, I asked him why and he said he had a bad dream and needed a hug
When I couldn't wake him, i asked him if he was up all night, he said no.
My baby guy never used to lie to me!!
Your son is 9 years old and this is not the first time he has lied to you.
He simply lies to you because it does not cost him anything.
You just found out the first time.
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