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Old 11-24-2014, 12:39 PM
 
Location: USA
2,450 posts, read 1,811,213 times
Reputation: 3845

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Growing up, my mom would tell me that I needed to hug my Grandparents and relatives so their feelings wouldn't get hurt. Even the relatives I only saw maybe 1-2x a year.

I HATED it. To me when I was growing up, it just felt weird and me uncomfortable especially when I was going through puberty. I felt like my personal space was being violated.

At home, you can see where I'm coming from... My parents rarely, if ever hugged each other, showed any affectrion towards one another, or even say things like "I Love You". The same with me and my siblings. My father NEVER hugged us, NEVER showed us affection or say "I Love you". It was living in a very emotionally distanced home. I had someone tell me at least you had a father....Yes, but he was never a dad, very uninvolved and left all the parental responsiblities onto my mother.

So, as a child and teen, it made it very awkward being told to hug them when I didn't want to. I just didn't get it that I never hugged my parents but had to hug my Grandparents & relatives

When I turned an adult, I still hugged them when I saw them out of spite to avoid my mother getting mad at me. Then I decided to stand up for myself and just didn't go to family gatherings and such...Anything to avoid my relatives. And my mom say I'm cold and heartless. There's an old saying that goes...If you have to force love, then it's probably crap.". Sooo true.
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Old 11-24-2014, 12:45 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,860,830 times
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I did not force my kids to do that... they hugged relatives willingly.


Sad that you could not do so, even once or twice a year. Seriously, it only takes two seconds.
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Old 11-24-2014, 01:39 PM
 
12,941 posts, read 19,867,704 times
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I imagine it would be difficult to feel comfortable with physical contact if you didn't experience it as a child, and I agree with Pitt Chick, it's sad.

My sons are natural huggers. They adored their grandparents, and never had to be forced to hug or kiss them. I wouldn't have required it of them.

With our grandson, we let him come to us. He gravitates towards my husband, but I can count on a hug or two.
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Old 11-24-2014, 03:33 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,530,506 times
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Not ever, no never did I force my children to hug anyone. It's gross! Hug aunt tally now. Ugh! My kids willingly hug people they are comfortable with but there have been situations where other people wanted hugs and I was not at all willing to force them to be hugged.

I have the same rule about tickling. No means no and stop means stop. Not in 5 seconds, now. I hold my kids to that rule together too.

We cuddle and hug a lot at home. But if my kids don't know someone well, they don't want to hug them. I'm totally ok with that
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Old 11-24-2014, 03:36 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,530,506 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
I did not force my kids to do that... they hugged relatives willingly.


Sad that you could not do so, even once or twice a year. Seriously, it only takes two seconds.
Damn it I hate it when I mean to quote and give a rep point.

Personal space is people's rights. Taking that away is wrong. Nothing wrong with the op to not want to be forced into physical contact with a near stranger
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Old 11-24-2014, 04:00 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,860,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
. Nothing wrong with the op to not want to be forced into physical contact with a near stranger
Didn't say there was...

Reread and you will see that I said it is sad that they could not do so, not that they are wrong.
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Old 11-24-2014, 05:20 PM
 
10,090 posts, read 6,530,506 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Didn't say there was...

Reread and you will see that I said it is sad that they could not do so, not that they are wrong.
Perhaps I read it in a different tone then intended. It seemed like a put down.
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Old 11-24-2014, 05:45 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,860,830 times
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Indeed you did.
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Old 11-24-2014, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,294,278 times
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No way with the forced hugging. My ex-spouse was very disrespectful of the personal space of others (as were some of his family and friends) and I was not going to make the children touch anyone/anything they did not want to. In addition, 2 of my 3 children are on the spectrum, and they prefer to initiate touch on their own terms rather than have others swoop in and hug them.

Over the years, the only relatives the kids truly shied away from were either seen very infrequently/in from out of town, or "impaired" in some way.
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Old 11-24-2014, 08:25 PM
 
Location: USA
2,450 posts, read 1,811,213 times
Reputation: 3845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
I did not force my kids to do that... they hugged relatives willingly.


Sad that you could not do so, even once or twice a year. Seriously, it only takes two seconds.
Yeah, you do have a point....However, It just made me uncomfortable. I wasn't trying to be a brat by not wanting to hug relatives I had seen infrequently. All it taught me was to disregard my feelings just to please someone else. If an adult is going to be butthurt over a child not hugging, then they're the one with issues.
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