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Old 03-02-2008, 06:14 PM
lja
 
5 posts, read 10,903 times
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i had to check that..i thaught i wrote it. my daughter is graduating in may and will be going to college around here (ma).we have been wanting to move to nc for years..now feels like the time, we also have a son who is still in high school. i feel so so guilty if i leave because where will she go on weekends? im really having a hard time. this is a very tough transition (new chapter of life). i wish she would go to college in nc but she wont even look! i know thats selfish but i wouldnt even think twice, in fact i would start packing tonight lol. please dm me so we can discuss.
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Old 03-03-2008, 08:34 AM
 
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I'm 19; my parents live in the Philadelphia suburbs and were worried about me when I finally chose the college I wanted to attend (which was in SC, though its about 20 minutes from Charlotte, NC). I'm just about to finish up my 2nd year at school down here, and I've learned quite a lot being on my own financially. I've been adamant about my parents not paying for my stuff, or sending me money, and they've been proud of me. Of course, when I first left, they thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, but its all experiences that someone in this age should try.

I miss my parents a lot, and its hard when I hear about things happening at home...but I know my grandparents had to go through the same thing with my parents (my entire family lives in Italy still), so everyone understands. While I've been down here, telling my parents about how much I enjoy it down here, they've been considering moving here as well!
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Old 03-03-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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I've got to say that you really need to know your child well enough to know whether moving will harm your relationship, change it mildly or make no difference.

With both my older girls, if we had chosen to move upon them entering college, they both would have felt abandoned and not very well loved. They both needed to know that we were still that familiar 'soft' place to land when they needed it.

With my oldest daughter, she actually lived at home the entire time she went to college and she needed that time to adjust to life as an adult. She paid us some rent, she did her own laundry and such, she did her turns cooking and so on, so it wasn't a free ride.

My second daughter is 3 hours away at college and graduates this spring. She absolutely did not want to be at home just as she absolutely did not want to be too far away either. Perhaps by her third year a change such as move would have been easily accepted on her part, but definitely not before that.

I feel very strongly no child should be considered 'out of the house' by the simple step of going off to college. There are many other factors that need to be considered individually. While some kids are perfectly content to be on their own and relish the fact of living by their own standards, not all kids are automatically ready for that upon high school graduation.

So, think long and hard and discuss with your daughter about this issue before making a decision. She may be away at college, but she's still part of the family.
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Old 03-03-2008, 12:44 PM
 
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First, I'd like to congratulate you on raising a very independent individual willing to make her own way...think of the contrary, she does not want to leave home and fastforward to 15 years, and she is still at home......I have heard it and have also seen it (relatives) where the kids/parents are co-dependent and cannot let go of eachother. Good for you! Let her go to college, learn a little about life along the way, learn about budgeting, etc. It will also set a good example for your younger child. You'll be so glad you did not put off your own life for hers, and she has somewhere new to visit in NC over Christmas. Good luck!!!
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Old 03-03-2008, 01:01 PM
 
3,084 posts, read 6,469,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by therewego View Post
First, I'd like to congratulate you on raising a very independent individual willing to make her own way...think of the contrary, she does not want to leave home and fastforward to 15 years, and she is still at home......I have heard it and have also seen it (relatives) where the kids/parents are co-dependent and cannot let go of eachother. Good for you! Let her go to college, learn a little about life along the way, learn about budgeting, etc. It will also set a good example for your younger child. You'll be so glad you did not put off your own life for hers, and she has somewhere new to visit in NC over Christmas. Good luck!!!
Not disagreeing, just using your post as a jumpstart....fast forward to 15 years if she wasn't ready for you to move away and leave her behind...she rarely comes home to visit, she rarely communicates at all, doesn't think twice about being part of the family. I've seen this happen as well. So it works both ways. That's why I stress knowing YOUR child well enough to know if it really will be ok to live your own life without thinking of them as well.
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