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Old 01-04-2008, 04:18 PM
Status: "Summer, please don't leave!" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Asheville, NC
11,467 posts, read 25,695,605 times
Reputation: 4201

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We live in FL now. My daughter is graduating this year and will be going of to college in FL. My husband and I with our son would like to move to NC. My dilemia is that I'm afraid to leave our daughter behind. I know kids go to college anywhere. I guess it's about letting go. Another thing is that she is planning on staying in FL when she graduates. I worry aboout her and would like her to come to NC after college but she says no way. I guess I have no choice, but sometimes I feel like I should just stay in FL for her. Any suggestions or anyone who has gone through this type of situation?
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Old 01-04-2008, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,395 posts, read 15,995,267 times
Reputation: 18034
As hard as it is, you need to learn to let go. I am a current college student and I was practically on the first plane to Boston from exurban GA after high school graduation. After college graduation, I'm off to the Peace Corps in who knows where and next year (my junior year) I will be studying abroad in Mexico and Englandand traveling abroad alone throughout Europe. With my brother a high school senior now and only applying to colleges in Massachusetts and Connecticut now, my parents want to move up North to be near us. I say if they do that, I will just transfer to a British university for my final year!

Kids grow up. I never understood people who stayed at home in college... it would drive me up the wall! My friends who even live 2 hours from home for college often come home every weekend, have mom clean their clothes, dad do the repairs on their apartments, etc etc. Living away from home has been great for me! I've had to deal with being diagnosed with a chronic illness by myself (and multiple hospital visits alone). I know many people who as an adult would have a hard time with that and I'm glad I was forced into a position where I had to do it myself. If something goes wrong in my dorm or with school, it's all on ME. I can't rely on my parents. To be honest, there's a significant difference between the maturity levels of freshman in college who live close to home and those who have to hop a plane for a few hours to get there. Everyone (hopefully) catches up eventually, but I like knowing I can rely on myself to get myself through anything. Too many 20 year olds can't say that.

Parents find it harder than kids. You just need to be brave for your daughter. Graduation is a long way away and who knows where she'll find a job. It could be in FL, it could be in NC, or it could be all the way in CA or another country. You never know. Millions of parents go through this every year... it's just something you have to let yourself get over. If you spend all your time worrying about your daughter, then neither of you will be able to get through the transition.
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Old 01-05-2008, 04:50 AM
 
Location: FL to GA back to FL
894 posts, read 3,891,260 times
Reputation: 419
My only child is now a sophmore at FSU. We lived in S. Fla and moved to GA last January. He is actually a few hours closer to us now and we see him all the time. I had empty nest pretty badly, but it gets better. We are very close, but it comes a time when you have to let go. My son has changed his mind a million times on where he wants to reside after college. The fact that your daughter wants to go to college and be independent is awesome. Like the above poster said, so many kids are stuck in their comfort zone. It will be great, you will see!
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Old 01-05-2008, 07:17 AM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,363,417 times
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First, she is what, 18 years old and has 4 years to change her mind . I wouldn't worry too much about it right now, who knows if she will even be able to find a job in Florida in 4 years after she graduates. Maybe she will meet the love of her life in college that just happens to have grown up down the street from your new house in NC and all of the sudden NC looks just peachy to her. As hard as it is you have to let go. Of course you are going to worry but that just comes with the territory. As the years go on you will worry less as she proves herself to be a capable adult. Also, it isn't like NC is 1/2 way across the world from Florida, you will be able to visit her, she will come to visit you.
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:06 PM
Status: "Summer, please don't leave!" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Asheville, NC
11,467 posts, read 25,695,605 times
Reputation: 4201
Thanks for all the reassurance. She is 17 and will be 18 in Sept. It is only a hour and fifteen min flight away. It's just tough.
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:36 AM
 
49 posts, read 141,533 times
Reputation: 15
Smile Two in college when we moved

We had to leave both our daughters in college in MA when we moved to NC. That was the worst day of my life. A number of flights and dollars later we are soon going to be back together as a family. Our oldest is finishing her senior year in college so there was no way we were not going to let her finish at her school. The youngest graduated from high school and 3 weeks later we move from MA to NC after having lived in that town in MA for 15 years. Not easy. Well several months later and some tears from the younger one, she has applied to transfer to a college in NC. The older one is moving back home and has applied to NC State Graduate Program in Mathematics (just waiting to hear back from them) the younger one after some tears and talks is finally okay with transfering to UNC Wilmington. She had made all these new friends at her college and was upset for having to leave, granted the fact that it was a state school and she had received a scholarship for instate tution stinks now that we moved. She has now come to the conclusion that there will be new beginings for her here and that hopefully she will meet some people this summer while working here. It's a good thing they are friends with each other because they have yet to be home (in NC) long enought to meet anyone but as I explained to the younger daughter that once she is working and once she is at school she will make friends.
So I know how you feel it is tough but atleast florida and NC aren't that far.
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:57 AM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,030,631 times
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I was shipped off to college in TX while ALL of my family remained in NY. I won't go into details but my father was the one who was adamant about me attending a certain university there while I wanted to go to on in DC.

I only got to fly home at Christmas & summer; spent holidays like Thanksgiving, Easter & fall/spring breaks at different classmates' homes - many in Texas and others in OK or KS or visiting with friends' older sibs at different campuses. It was pretty eye-opening and turned out to be great experiences.

I realized while in TX, that I was pretty narrow-minded in my thinking as a bona-fide New Yorker. I thought NY was the be-all/end-all. I learned a lot being away from NY and being away from my family. Truly - I think I became a lot more well-rounded getting away from the east-coast mentality and absorbing a bit of the south into my bones.

I agree that at some point, you do need to let go and college is as good a place/time as any. You have to trust that you've given your daughter the tools to make good decisions and let her grow into her own self and independence.
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Old 02-25-2008, 11:19 AM
b75
 
950 posts, read 3,120,440 times
Reputation: 329
Well if you could postpone the move to NC even by a year or 2 so you are a bit more accessible it would be nice, but if you can't I'm sure she will be fine. However I wouldn't hold my breath that she will move to NC after she graduates; most people get a job & live near where they went to college.
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Old 02-25-2008, 12:23 PM
 
336 posts, read 1,362,053 times
Reputation: 256
Quote:
Originally Posted by beckycat View Post
We live in FL now. My daughter is graduating this year and will be going of to college in FL. My husband and I with our son would like to move to NC. My dilemia is that I'm afraid to leave our daughter behind. I know kids go to college anywhere. I guess it's about letting go. Another thing is that she is planning on staying in FL when she graduates. I worry aboout her and would like her to come to NC after college but she says no way. I guess I have no choice, but sometimes I feel like I should just stay in FL for her. Any suggestions or anyone who has gone through this type of situation?
She'll be fine. Sounds like you are the one who is afraid to let go. She has a right to live her own life.
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Old 02-25-2008, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 932,204 times
Reputation: 326
Let her fly.

She will do just fine!
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