Too touchy (ideas, autism, parents, play)

[okaydorothy]

Hi there
I have a 9 year old son who is basically a good kid. He is gentle, good at school, seems to tell the truth and is into sports.
But he is very touchy feely with his friends. He thinks nothing of giving his friends a hug, pat on the back or rear, pats their head. He is a big kid for his age and my dh and I dont know how to handle it. Tonight was basketball night and he was just all over the place (never in the right place at the right time) and at the end he gave his 15 year old asisstant coach a hug.

Dh and I have always told him that he has to keep his hands to himself. Its ok to hug his brother or parents, but not ok to touch anyone else. So at the end of practice, I told him tomorrow was the last time for basketball if I didnt see an improvement in his behaviour. He loves sports and at the moment basketball is the only one he plays. He will play baseball in the spring.

I am worried as I am afraid that someday he will touch the wrong person and they will react with their fists. Of course dh being the pesimistic that he is, also has mentioned pedophilia and when does it begin. I think he is reaching there, but it is a huge worry.

Any ideas. Nothing has changed at all at home, or in school.

Thanks
d

[brokencrayola]

Hi,
I would have him evaluated. The reason I say this is not that I think he is really "out there", but more so that his being all over the court, not understanding physical boundaries and his immaturity can be signs of other issues. It wouldn't hurt to just have him evaluated and make sure there are not other issues.

[overtaxedunderpaided]

Originally Posted by brokencrayola

Hi,
I would have him evaluated. The reason I say this is not that I think he is really "out there", but more so that his being all over the court, not understanding physical boundaries and his immaturity can be signs of other issues. It wouldn't hurt to just have him evaluated and make sure there are not other issues.

Agreed. Okaydorothy, even though your experiences dont raise any red flags with me.........the fact that your concerned is reason enough for further "evaluation". Parenting is a fine balancing act..........on the one hand we want to catch the warning signals and prepare them for the future and all it's possible dangers...........on the other hand we dont want to make them into pessimistic adults who are scared of their own shadow. You may want to videotape his actions to show to the professionals.
It's probably nothing to worry about and take care not to crush his childhood spirit................we all grow up a little too fast..........reality in small doses!

[djacques]

If he is being touchy-feely with age peers and an older assistant coach, how can "pedophilia" conceivably be inferred from that?

[nativeDallasite]

Originally Posted by djacques

If he is being touchy-feely with age peers and an older assistant coach, how can "pedophilia" conceivably be inferred from that?

Yeah really; that struck me as odd too.

[Pikantari]

There are a lot of children like this. My daughter is like this, even though she is on the Autism spectrum.

I think our raising her full of hugs and kisses sort of had a hand in this.

I have been talking to her about hands to herself, hugs for only Mommy and daddy, (tight hugs)

Friendly for her brother and other family members... all at school are off limits, hands to yourself, as well as other people should have their hands to themselves.

[okaydorothy]

When we came home on friday night I told him that if he didnt behave himself at sat's game, we wouldnt be going back. I dont expect lots of hoops, but if he wants to play basketball, he needs to pay attention, keep his hands to himself and enjoy it.

Well on sat and sun, he played great. He gave the other kids high fives ; which is great, and he kept his hands to himself. Hopefully he learned this way.

My dh does tend to overreact to things and always loks at the worst possible scenario first.

Thanks for all your advice
d

[RoaminRed]

Originally Posted by okaydorothy

When we came home on friday night I told him that if he didnt behave himself at sat's game, we wouldnt be going back. I dont expect lots of hoops, but if he wants to play basketball, he needs to pay attention, keep his hands to himself and enjoy it.

Well on sat and sun, he played great. He gave the other kids high fives ; which is great, and he kept his hands to himself. Hopefully he learned this way.

My dh does tend to overreact to things and always loks at the worst possible scenario first.

Thanks for all your advice
d

Dorothy

I think you've raised a lovely, compassionate and friendly child. It sounds to me like he's just so enthusiastic about life and sharing his joy of it that he sometimes forgets that not everyone wants to be hugged. He's only 9, just keep reminding him that there's a difference in levels of physical contact allowed between family, friends, and strangers. Hugs and such are for family, less contact for friends and strangers.

He'll be fine, he sounds like a good happy kid.