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Grew up writing thank you notes for gifts given by people that were not at the event to be thanked in person, Christmas included. Over the years my nieces and nephews that have not responded in any way when I sent gifts, well guess they did not like what I sent so - crossed off my gift list. Bad manners are not often rewarded in this world, who am I to make an exception?
My family doesn't do thank you notes for Christmas gifts because we exchange gifts. A verbal thank you suffices. I did get a call from my niece for a gift card I sent. Other times of the year, birthdays and other special occasions, we do write thank you notes.
Sorry. I'm on the side of a thank you note. When a person takes the time to shop for or make a gift; spends the money; wraps and delivers/mails; I think it's good manners to write a quick note of appreciation.
No need to write a long, flowery message. For the smaller children, "Thank you for the (blank). I love you." For the older group, "Thank you for the (blank). It was thoughtful of you to remember me."
And for anyone who tells me that I don't need to send them a note, that won't stop me. I won't cave to their lack of good manners. Civility dies one little step at a time.
Just because there are "so many" doesn't mean one shouldn't write notes. After all, the recipient may have received "many" but the giver only gave one of them and deserves to be thanked with a note. I mailed mine yesterday.
My children always wrote and sent thank you notes to any relative or friend who gave them a Christmas or birthday gift (even if they gave a verbal "thank you" at the time that they opened the gift). When they were very little we usually sent a photograph of them playing with the toy or wearing the clothes. When they were preschoolers they usually just drew a picture.
You would be surprised how often friends or relatives would make a special point of thanking them for acknowledging the gift by sending a thank you photo, picture or card.
Our children even sent thank you notes for gifts that they received as teenagers/young adults for graduations and similar events.
And, when my son received gifts for his marriage he promptly sent an individually written, thank you note for each wedding gift. Hmmm, I wonder where he learned that people really appreciate that sort of thing?
My mom wrote thank you notes for us until we were probably 7 or 8 years old. After that point, it was our responsibility to write thank you notes for all gifts, whether or not we opened the gifts in front of the relative in question. We also were raised to write thank you notes when someone went out of their way to do something for us - for example, hosting us for a few days.
Thank you notes are polite and my family expects it. My husband's parents were impressed that after the first time he brought me to them to meet them, I sent a thank you note thanking them for being gracious hosts. When I was a teenager, maybe 14 or 15, my friend's father took us to New York City because my friend and I were going to see a Broadway show. He took us to lunch at a nice restaurant, so I wrote him a thank you note for that & for being our chaperone. He was very surprised and pleased by the note.
For our wedding, I wrote all the thank you notes (tailored to each gift-giver) and mailed them out within two weeks of the wedding. I find it offensive when it takes people months upon months to send out thank you notes for important things like weddings and bridal/baby showers, so I made sure to practice what I preach and send out the notes quickly.
I will require the same from my future children. If they can't take a few minutes to write a note thanking someone for a gift, then maybe that person shouldn't go out of his/her way to get my child a gift.
I've never seen a thank you note/card for Christmas gifts, but for birthdays, weddings, and graduations, I have received them. With Christmas gifts, so many of us open them in person and thank the giver right there. Cards in general are not in fashion like they once were. As long as thank you is said, what's the problem?
My parents made me write thank you notes as a kid. My son is not old enough to write thank yous, but he will definitely write them when he is older. I will make exceptions to people if I know for sure that they don't care about thank you notes from kids (like a few of my adult friends who give gifts). In that case a verbal thank you is ok.
I've never seen a thank you note/card for Christmas gifts, but for birthdays, weddings, and graduations, I have received them. With Christmas gifts, so many of us open them in person and thank the giver right there. Cards in general are not in fashion like they once were. As long as thank you is said, what's the problem?
I guess that problem is that there are a lot of people who do not think that any type of thank you is needed, ever, when a gift is received.
Just visit the wedding forum and you will find numerous threads about wedding guests who are wondering and waiting for months and months for Thank You notes that will never arrive because "cards are not in fashion" and there are some brides and grooms who believe that acknowledging wedding gifts are "out-fashioned" and not necessary any more.
Hmmm, and then there are the numerous threads where posters say that they sent expensive gifts to relatives or friends and never even found out if they received them, let along received any type of thank you for those gifts.
Of course, most of these threads are about gifts that were shipped or mailed and not opened in front of the sender. But, seriously, how hard is it for someone to send a note or an email at a later date and say "Aunt Susie, Thank you for the doll that you gave me for Christmas (or my birthday). I really enjoy it and play with it every day. I loved spending time with you at Christmas (or on my birthday)." In addition to saying a verbal Thank You when the gift was opened.
But there have also been threads, and letters to Dear Abby, and people complaining around the water cooler at work about children and adults who open gifts right in front of them and do not even say Thank You, just rip off the wrapping paper to the next gift like a whirling dervish.
My in-laws used to open gifts like that. In a room with a dozen relatives, often a dozen gifts were being opened simultaneously. Some years, there would be 100 or more gifts under the tree that were opened in less than 30 minutes and then immediately packed away in car trunks, bedrooms and suitcases to go home. I know that probably was not typical of holiday gift exchanges but whatever verbal Thank Yous that were said were not about specific gifts but were just random shouts barely heard among the chaos.
Of course, families are different and you should do what is acceptable in your family.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-01-2015 at 10:54 AM..
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