How to tell my 5 year old about divorce?

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

Spare him as much drama as possible. Do not suck him into keeping secrets for you. If you tell him before the move, there is a chance he will spill the beans, so I would wait until moving day to tell him that you and he are not going to live with Daddy, but that you both love him and he'll still see Daddy a lot. Then, make sure you do not keep him from seeing his father.
As for my experience. My first husband decided he wasn't happy and left me and the kids a week before Christmas. They were 12 and 5. We kept living in the house. I made him tell them, because he was the one making a shambles of their life.

It turned out that he was a much better ex husband than husband and has remained a good father.

Nice to hear. That was my experience, as well. By getting him out of our house, I gave my daughter a better dad.

I also used the domestic violence court system, and I recommend the OP do the same. My husband always threatened to take our daughter and disappear if I left him ("You will never see her again"), and such threats are against the law. I got a restraining order to stop the constant threatening phone calls, and he had to complete a drug-and-alcohol program before he was allowed to have her for unsupervised visits.

It didn't clean him up completely, but it forced him to be sober long enough to clear up his brain and realize that he could lose contact with his only child if he kept up the life he was living. He eventually became employed and self-supporting, and while he always resisted paying child support, at least she had a relationship with her father and he was on good behavior when he was with her.

My daughter was eight when I had her father removed from the house. She thanks me for divorcing him, because she remembers the fighting and the violence. She is grown now, and my ex and I have a civil, almost friendly, relationship.

OP, even if your situation is not the same as mine, be prepared, if he tends toward violence, to file for an R.O. if you have to. Know your rights and know what you have to do NOW before anything happens.

[AhRainess]

Ok, my thread now sounds like it should be in the Relationship section, but even that section seems like there are more singles there. Anyway, long to short story...I took the risk and told the STBX that I wanted a divorce and threatened him with an Order of Protection to not do anything stupid, crazy or violent. Told him not to threaten me or any members of my family or he would go straight to jail (again). He recently got into the love of guns, so I warned him that if that Order goes out, his right to bear arms would be taken away when that Order takes into effect.

I said more stuff to him, but surprisingly, he listened! And so far, he is agreeing to almost everything I said. I sensed it beforehand, but I sensed that he, too, was finally getting tired of "us" especially since within the last few months, I have stopped wanting to clean and cook for him and have him touch me. I did try to make this as fair and easy as possible. No child or spousal support, and we will still share custody. Our only debt are student loans and a car loan, which I will be keeping the car anyway because I told him I'm not going to ask for half of his retirement since both of ours is pretty much the same. At first he was upset that I was trying to screw him over, but finally after re-reading what I presented to him, he agrees that what I presented is fair and "makes sense."

I did make sure that both of us would be able to survive on our own once we departed, which I guess, is part of the reason why I waited another two years. I even gave him a new budget and net worth breakdown, etc. of everything. I thought that if I did this, then perhaps things would go more peacefully. So far, it worked. Not done or finalized yet, but I did pray to my little Angel son to help me, and so far, all signs are looking good!

Back to original subject, I will try to explain/show to our 5 year old Earth son somehow. I did stress several times to the STBX that we must remain civil for the sake of our son.