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Old 01-06-2008, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,196,588 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greatday View Post
I hope yiou are kidding!
Why would I be kidding?
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,448,081 times
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If your friend's name is on the deed/lease and there is trouble, she may be held liable or even charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor. Just food for thought
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:44 PM
 
1,261 posts, read 5,517,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Yes. If the kids know about safe sex and are responsible, leave them be.
While I disagree with your opinion, I know you are not kidding and there are others who think like you. I have a SIL who thinks that "teenagers are going to do it anyway" so it's safer if they do it under the parent's roof. I, for one, don't set that type of expectation for my children.
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,196,588 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drouzin View Post
If your friend's name is on the deed/lease and there is trouble, she may be held liable or even charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor. Just food for thought
Only if she knew a delinquent act was occurring and they could prove she knew a delinquent act was occurring. She has no idea what is or is not occurring, and that is a very good place for her to be. All the more reason for her to keep her nose out.
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Indiana
270 posts, read 1,092,923 times
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djacques, Do u have children?
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
3,589 posts, read 2,976,713 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel'r View Post
Hi
I know this is a no-brainer, but it's causing an uproar between my friend and her sister, so she asked me to post:

My friend shares her townhome with her sister, the husband, and son who's fourteen. The sister & hubby think it's fine if the kid's girlfriend spends time in his bedroom (in another part of the house with total privacy) laying on bed for hours watching movies or playing videos with door closed.
Friend thinks these kids should be hanging out in the family room instead, and that 14 years is just too young to grant such privacy. Friend is told it's none of her business, as she's not the parent, but it is more her house.

They are arguing like cats and dogs over this, and otherwise get along. They will not reach a compromise, as the parents are convinced that "it's fine."
I'm with my friend. I know it's too young. I couldn't imagine being allowed to hang with my crush in my room when I was that age! But she says that it's fine with the girl's mom, too!

Times they are a changin'! Are we wrong to be stuck in the "dark ages"????
I don't think you're in the dark ages; it's insane to let kids that age be alone together for hours on end. I wouldn't allow it in my house.
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Old 01-07-2008, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,045,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Yes. If the kids know about safe sex and are responsible, leave them be.
With that kind of attitude, your likely to be a grandmother LONG before your ready, maybe even raising your own grandchild.
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Old 01-07-2008, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,448,081 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
Only if she knew a delinquent act was occurring and they could prove she knew a delinquent act was occurring. She has no idea what is or is not occurring, and that is a very good place for her to be. All the more reason for her to keep her nose out.
Very true djaques! As a former teacher we were always reminded by administration about litigation happy parents. I once had a parent who lied about her child having a broken hip, because he tripped on another student's foot. I even had to give a depostion on what happened. After losing much sleep over the matter, it was discovered that there was no broken hip, or surgery and apparently one very angry lawyer (she had given him fake papers). The whole thing was extremely stressful and ever since I've been wary of people and the things they will lie about in order to get a dime from a lawsuit. So I guess I am overly paranoid about what lengths some people go to.
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Old 01-07-2008, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Georgia
238 posts, read 548,093 times
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I think this is a tough call, not quite black and white. I'm 49 yrs old and the only reason I mention that is because it's given me a lot of time to see how things change.... When my mom and dad were 17 it was scandalous taboo to have sex until marriage. Then when I was 15, about 50% of my girlfriends had already had sex.

Kids are more aware of things at a younger and younger age each generation.

My son was 17 when he got involved with a girl that was 15 going on 16. He was the inexperienced one, while she on the other hand had been having sex since she was 14 (or was it 13?). Any way, she thought that it was safer to use 2 condoms. (Come to find out, in one of my son's classes at school, he found out that it's bad to use 2.) She always supplied condoms.

Teens are tough to deal with. On the one hand, they've got all the strong emotions going on, thinking it's love Romeo and Juliet style, and on top of that, they don't want to be treated like children, and we also start telling them that they are becoming adults, then turn around and tell them they aren't responsible enough for adult things.

Luckily, we had open communication and I was able to talk to him about consequences of his actions. One thing that I could NOT get through to him, was that this is just a TEENAGE affair, and that even though it feels like the most important thing on earth, it will be very minor when he's older and more mature and most teenage "loves" don't work out till the end of time.

I knew that they felt so strongly that they would rebel by sneaking around if I "put my foot down". I was the only one in communication with my child. Her mother was an alcoholic and somewhat abusive and illogical.

I don't have a huge house, I have a small apartment. I was very uncomfortable if they were in his room with the door closed. Finally the way I dealt with it was telling him that regardless of how responsible they feel they are, I am the one that is considered responsible because as a parent, I have an obligation to HER parents. They are allowing her to come over because they trust ME to monitor the situation. Anything can happen and it would be on my shoulders.

So the agreement was that when she was over, he was the leave the door open at all times. (She didn't really like that at all.) When I put the argument to him from my point of view, instead of making him seem irresponsible, or instead of making him feel that I was discrediting the seriousness of their feelings, then we were able to come to an agreement without the usual teenage rebellion butting heads thing.

I know that abstinence is the perfect solution. But teens are so exposed now days, plus there's no uniformity in parenting, no sense of community where all the rules and regulations are the same, that the reality is... it's better to be safe than sorry. Teens ALWAYS think they are smarter than their parents. When they think they're right, they're going to act on it when they aren't in the vicinity of the parents.

Most of my discomfort with them having the door closed was that it's not a pleasant thought for a mother to imagine her child right behind that door doin the nasty. If I hadn't already had an argument to use, I would have put it to my son that way, telling him that I'm a nervous psycho parent and that as long as the door is shut, my imagination would run wild and it's not pretty, and that, just as he wouldn't be comfortable with visions of his mom doin "the deed", so should he also know it's the same for the mom.

Who owns the townhouse?

Probably in this case, the sister who is the parent of the son has the right to make this decision and even if the other sister doesn't agree, she doesn't really have power over this decision.
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Old 01-07-2008, 10:08 AM
 
1,501 posts, read 5,097,807 times
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Thank you for the thoughtful responses!

My friend owns the house. If it weren't immediate family, she certainly would not give her two cents.
She wouldn't have anyone living with her at all if her sis was not saving for her own home -- she's just making it easier for her to save. Just my opinion, but I think the parents should respect my friend's concern.

Lindsey, GOOD ONE! (grandparent!!) That's the point :>) Jerry Springer's ratings will certainly continue to benefit from some viewpoints, that's for sure.

He's a good kid (I've never met the girl), but still only 14. Nobody's telling him not to have a GF. But why give full reign, is what we wonder?

Last edited by Travel'r; 01-07-2008 at 10:17 AM..
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