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Old 01-08-2008, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Papillion
2,584 posts, read 9,359,205 times
Reputation: 884

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mojow View Post
Hmmm. Still tough situation. She's not just a renter, she's her sister. So the boy is the owner's nephew. The woman is letting her sister and her family live with her while they save for their own place.

understand... relative or not, they are her guests... she has no obligation to put them up... think of them as renters and move on... adding the family aspect just complicates when it shouldn't. Its her house, she sets the rules, if they don't like, go save for a place somewhere else.
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Old 01-08-2008, 09:49 PM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,371 posts, read 33,754,701 times
Reputation: 8976
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatSayYou View Post
what is "g'son"?? grandson? did his parents die? coondolances if they did. did you consider that maybe people on here are concerned about stuff like this because they maybe dont want to be having to raise their grandbabies under other, all too common circumstances...
The reason we're raising her grandson is of no importance.....but burying your head in the sand and betting on abstinance is a sure fire way to be raisin a ton of someone else's kids.
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Old 01-09-2008, 08:04 AM
 
999 posts, read 2,895,538 times
Reputation: 726
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynimagelv View Post
So....let me get this straight......no togetherness in the house....right.....

So they have to go down the street and hide behind the dumpster and do the deed there.....hopefully they remembered the condoms that were in his other pants cause theres no time to go get em etc etc etc.....

I was not allowed any g'friends in my bedroom either [way back in 1955] but I did manage to be "alone" with em in the back seat of a 1949 ford.

Wife and I are currently raising her 16 yr old g'son. He has carried condoms since he was 12.....finally succumbed and bit the apple when he was almost 16....

Both he and g'friend have been counseled frequently on the ramifications of biting the apple....
He wears a condom.
She is on birth control
THEY both have reminders on their phones for her to take her pill every day.
They are both aware that IF their should be a slipup they will both be quitting school and seeking gainful employment and supporting the child [and each other] and there is no alternative....with pregnancy goes the dreams of the Military, College and the FBI for him and College for her......

To have taught that abstinence is the only way would have been russian roulette with an automatic pistol.
Great post! I agree with all you say, especially the part about finding somewhere else to go. I certainly don't advocate any teen sex, and would much rather see them not do it at all, but I also realize that you can't control every aspect of their lives. If something concerns or worries you, sit down privately and discuss it with them like an adult, rather than making up rules and making them seem like criminals in their own house that have to be under surveilance at all times.

As far as taking the door off the room - how would you feel if that was done to you? It might be better to just install a camera system throughout the house so everyone can be watched at all times.
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Old 01-09-2008, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Indiana
270 posts, read 1,092,615 times
Reputation: 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynimagelv View Post
So....let me get this straight......no togetherness in the house....right.....

So they have to go down the street and hide behind the dumpster and do the deed there.....hopefully they remembered the condoms that were in his other pants cause theres no time to go get em etc etc etc.....

I was not allowed any g'friends in my bedroom either [way back in 1955] but I did manage to be "alone" with em in the back seat of a 1949 ford.

Wife and I are currently raising her 16 yr old g'son. He has carried condoms since he was 12.....finally succumbed and bit the apple when he was almost 16....

Both he and g'friend have been counseled frequently on the ramifications of biting the apple....
He wears a condom.
She is on birth control
THEY both have reminders on their phones for her to take her pill every day.
They are both aware that IF their should be a slipup they will both be quitting school and seeking gainful employment and supporting the child [and each other] and there is no alternative....with pregnancy goes the dreams of the Military, College and the FBI for him and College for her......

To have taught that abstinence is the only way would have been russian roulette with an automatic pistol.

No not to have them go down the street behind the dumpster. I feel that you need to talk and teel your kids what all the things that come out of having sex before marraige. it is not just having a baby i named several in my other post. But if you can teach your children the values you want to teach them then they wont go down the street and do it they will want to wait and make it a special thing. I have 2 girls and a boy and i will teach them that sex before marriage is wrong. I feel that it should be between a husband and wife. I was not raised that way but my thoughts and heart have changed.

so bottom line is teach and tell them dont just let them figure it out on there own. Let them know what might happen if they do have sex. IT IS ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION!!!
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Old 04-24-2009, 10:27 AM
 
49 posts, read 393,658 times
Reputation: 36
if the kids are trust worthy and arnt doing anything wrong then its ok but if they are doing stuff they shouldnt be then its not ok thats way to young!!!
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Old 04-24-2009, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 33,322,966 times
Reputation: 7038
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel'r View Post
Hi
I know this is a no-brainer, but it's causing an uproar between my friend and her sister, so she asked me to post:

My friend shares her townhome with her sister, the husband, and son who's fourteen. The sister & hubby think it's fine if the kid's girlfriend spends time in his bedroom (in another part of the house with total privacy) laying on bed for hours watching movies or playing videos with door closed.
Friend thinks these kids should be hanging out in the family room instead, and that 14 years is just too young to grant such privacy. Friend is told it's none of her business, as she's not the parent, but it is more her house.

They are arguing like cats and dogs over this, and otherwise get along. They will not reach a compromise, as the parents are convinced that "it's fine."
I'm with my friend. I know it's too young. I couldn't imagine being allowed to hang with my crush in my room when I was that age! But she says that it's fine with the girl's mom, too!

Times they are a changin'! Are we wrong to be stuck in the "dark ages"????
As long as your friend's sister and her husband do not mind allowing 14-year-olds to explore their sexuality in their house, this is not a problem. Make no mistake, if they are left alone and isolated they will be playing grabass in there.
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Old 04-24-2009, 11:00 AM
 
145 posts, read 403,289 times
Reputation: 54
i think your friend should tell her sister "It makes me uncomfortable for them to be in the room alone with the door closed" \and that should be the ned of it. Her sister should respect her feelings since it is her house and once they move out she can let her son have whomever he desires in his bed.

I had male friends in my room all the time because our living room was really tiny but the door was always open.
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Old 04-24-2009, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,026,539 times
Reputation: 6654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel'r View Post
Hi
I know this is a no-brainer, but it's causing an uproar between my friend and her sister, so she asked me to post:

My friend shares her townhome with her sister, the husband, and son who's fourteen. The sister & hubby think it's fine if the kid's girlfriend spends time in his bedroom (in another part of the house with total privacy) laying on bed for hours watching movies or playing videos with door closed.
Friend thinks these kids should be hanging out in the family room instead, and that 14 years is just too young to grant such privacy. Friend is told it's none of her business, as she's not the parent, but it is more her house.

They are arguing like cats and dogs over this, and otherwise get along. They will not reach a compromise, as the parents are convinced that "it's fine."
I'm with my friend. I know it's too young. I couldn't imagine being allowed to hang with my crush in my room when I was that age! But she says that it's fine with the girl's mom, too!

Times they are a changin'! Are we wrong to be stuck in the "dark ages"????
Well I agree with your friend, I would not allow my daughter to do this. I might allow it if the room was in an area of the house where there was coming and going AND the door was always open.

BUT the parents are also right, its not her child. I wonder if the parents of the girl are aware this is being allowed because I bet they would side with your friend. After all if it all goes awry it will be their daughter who comes home pregnant.
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:26 PM
 
2,251 posts, read 4,311,198 times
Reputation: 3709
I think the friend should have a sit down with her sister and say:

"I am allowing you guys to rent here in order to save up for your own home. I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart and you can't find it within yourself to prohibit this behavior when you know it upsets me? Why is that?"

I would wait for the reply and if it was not to my liking I would simply say "This will not go on in my home. If you wish to allow this behavior you will have to get your own place." Leave the choice up to her and let her live with what she decides.
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Old 04-24-2009, 01:30 PM
 
26,589 posts, read 52,939,688 times
Reputation: 12963
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel'r View Post
Hi
I know this is a no-brainer, but it's causing an uproar between my friend and her sister, so she asked me to post:

My friend shares her townhome with her sister, the husband, and son who's fourteen. The sister & hubby think it's fine if the kid's girlfriend spends time in his bedroom (in another part of the house with total privacy) laying on bed for hours watching movies or playing videos with door closed.
Friend thinks these kids should be hanging out in the family room instead, and that 14 years is just too young to grant such privacy. Friend is told it's none of her business, as she's not the parent, but it is more her house.

They are arguing like cats and dogs over this, and otherwise get along. They will not reach a compromise, as the parents are convinced that "it's fine."
I'm with my friend. I know it's too young. I couldn't imagine being allowed to hang with my crush in my room when I was that age! But she says that it's fine with the girl's mom, too!

Times they are a changin'! Are we wrong to be stuck in the "dark ages"????
We allowed our son to have his girl in his room--which was right off our family room and easily visable from the FR or kitchen--to be in his room with him with the door OPEN. My house, my rules, end of story.
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