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Old 04-25-2009, 09:41 PM
 
756 posts, read 1,950,517 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
First the parent / home owner sets the rules.
Children obey. Period.
Kids will learn the boundaries and they will repect you for them and they will respect each other if they are taught to respect each other.
Teens, in fact all kids, should play in the family room and the yard.
Bed rooms are for sleeping in.


That's the way it is at my house!
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Old 04-25-2009, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,246,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usmcfamily View Post
The idea that a 14 year old is sexually active is so wrong. There is nothing safe about a 14 year old having sex, especially emotionally. Nothing! Some kids at 14 haven't even finished going through puberty. That is just wrong.
I disagree, and we can leave it at that.
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Old 04-25-2009, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,140,329 times
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It is in todays day parents need to open their eyes. Kids are more sexual then in my day
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Old 04-25-2009, 10:50 PM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,246,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belinda_Cooperstone1 View Post
It is in todays day parents need to open their eyes. Kids are more sexual then in my day
They are less repressed, which is not a bad thing in itself, but they need comprehensive sex education, as well as, hopefully, non-fanatical parents.
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Old 04-26-2009, 09:51 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,972,964 times
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Quote:
It is in todays day parents need to open their eyes. Kids are more sexual then in my day
I don’t think kids are more sexual. They are more aware of the terms, actions, ect. and are more verbal about it with their peers, however kids have always been sexual. It was this age 100 years ago girls were either married off and having kids or sent out somewhere to teach pioneer kids. Like I say, in “my day” I know someone who had consensual sex at age 8. I had my first opportunity at age 11, which I did not take. My friends and I were very “aware,” however, how each one approached it was very different.

When I went to school, sex education included all the things you could do and covered pregnancy and giving birth. We talked about some STD’s but we did not talk about the STD’s not stopped by condoms. We did not learn that even if you use safe sex practices, you can still get pregnant. We did not learn the probabilities of still getting pregnant with various contraceptive methods. We did not learn about what happens to you after you get an STD. We were not taught that there were STD’s that can be transmitted orally. We were not taught the dangers of many partners, other than strangers who you don’t know that might have aids, which was always presented as prostitution vs. overly casual sex. There needs to be way more education.

Its about personal responsibility and respect. That must be taught. At 14, kids should not be shut off alone in a room, period. Maybe we’d be having a different talk if they were 17 but 14, they are just getting into puberty. They need time to learn about these changes without jumping in with full feet. There is a huge but short growth and learning window here. It is pertinent that this time is used to answer questions, learn how to deal with peer pressure, dealing with overly emotional moments, and all the other things that come with being 14. I would say 14 year olds are more emotional than sexual and they need to learn how to express their emotions in a healthy way. Too many teens now think if they person is nice to them, it is ok express more emotion than is intended for the emotion they received.

As to the OP, I would suggest calling up the mother of the girl and asking HER what SHE feels is appropriate for her. She should have a say with her daughter. Inform her what is going on and let her take care of it. After all, when it comes down to it, her parents are the ones responsible for her behavior whether it be in her home or not. And if they are indeed playing video games, you should be able to enter and ask questions, like “You two ready for dinner?” or “I’m washing laundry and the load is small. Do you have anything I can add?” or “Do you two want a snack?” My sister does this with her teen girls, 16 and 18 now, and this is when they have other girls over. They don’t just have boys over whenever they want either. Its when they have a party. (My sister celebrates everything and she has no less than 30 family members over and all the kids invite their friends.)
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Old 04-27-2009, 12:55 PM
 
821 posts, read 1,762,916 times
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I totally agree with you and your friend at no point does those young Kids need to be behind close door personally I would not want then in the bedrooom at all... But it really is none of your friends business she expressed her concern and thoughts to her sister and now she needs to drop it.... I do agree with another poster who said something to the effect that your friend needs to tell her sister that if that girl becomes pregant then she and the baby wont be moving into "thier" house....
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:04 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,477,546 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel'r View Post
..My friend shares her townhome with her sister, the husband, and son who's fourteen. The sister & hubby think it's fine if the kid's girlfriend spends time in his bedroom (in another part of the house with total privacy) laying on bed for hours watching movies or playing videos with door closed.
If you trust your child to use good judgement, and they are watching movies and playing video games, what is the harm?

Don't you think that if the mother thinks they are engaging in sex she would put a stop to it? Do you actually think she wants her 14 year old son becoming a father before he gets to high school?
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:11 PM
 
2 posts, read 3,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
the sex its guna happen just assume it is. ---the issue is its not their house. shared housing means you got somebody elses standards in your house, that is at best very irritating.
Call me naive, but why is sex an assumption?

My boyfriend and I started dating when I was fourteen and he was sixteen. Nobody has ever kept us from sitting in either of our rooms with the door shut. No sex.

It's been two years. Now, I frequently stay over at his house in his room with the door locked and *gasp!* sleep in the same bed. Guess who's still virginal? I may not be the perfect cross-section of the American teenager, but when we were in my room watching a movie, we were actually watching a movie. Crazy, right? Sometimes, it's just nice to have privacy.

If this kid falls under the "typical" teenage profile, why not just knock and check in every once in awhile? If they're not naked, what's the problem? And even if they are naked, if the parents are alright with it, then there's not much that can be done.

I think the sister should definitely have say over her child, but the friend's opinion should be taken into consideration. Has the friend talked to the kid about her concerns, or just bickered with her sister about it? More open communication with the kid (who I'm sure is perfectly capable of decision-making) could help settle concerns.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:57 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,468,228 times
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I think its none of the friend's business, beyond what a pp mentioned about being considered a legal guardian and the case of statutory rape.

I agree with brokencrayola that she needs to find new roommates.
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Old 04-27-2009, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,256 posts, read 15,839,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usmcfamily View Post
The idea that a 14 year old is sexually active is so wrong. There is nothing safe about a 14 year old having sex, especially emotionally. Nothing! Some kids at 14 haven't even finished going through puberty. That is just wrong.
I know - when I was 14 I was in the 8th grade and the world probably ended 79 times a day. I probably died 1,000 times. Every boy was going to be my husband. Every girl was my bff or my arch enemy. Teachers were out to destroy me. 8th grade for me was more drama then a whole series of daytime soaps. But I loved it - being a kid was exciting running on pure emotion. I think kids today need to stay kids as long as possible. It's hard enough with MTV practically showing sex instructionals 20 hours a day & their role models are posing nude, making sex tapes and having babies before they can even drink legally; home should be the one place where a kid can be a kid. Yeah, chances are they're probably not planning on doing anything wrong - but I was only 14 about 10 years ago and I remember how easily "not planning on doing anything" became "doing something".
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