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Old 04-29-2009, 01:18 PM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,654,996 times
Reputation: 1061

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Quote:
Originally Posted by natalayjones View Post
I take offense to your comment; I didn't consider myself a drama queen but when I was at that age my emotions ran rampant. When I was teaching (and I was actually teaching freshman so they were older) I would have to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing at the things these kids stress about. I remember one girl being hysterical because another girl had told everyone else she hadn't started her cycle yet and she was already 15! Ahh the horror! Yes there are some that are extremely mature and there are some that aren't. My point is 14 is still young, the body is still developing (most times faster than your brain) peer pressure is really starting to kick in, etc.

I grew up with 3 brothers, I can just imagine 1 of them telling their other 14 and 15 year old friends they were in a bedroom with a girlfriend with the door closed on the 3rd floor while everyone else is on the first floor. Reputations all across the county would be ruined during intense games of Madden and bags of Doritos.

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Old 04-29-2009, 01:32 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,466,718 times
Reputation: 1288
Quote:
Originally Posted by natalayjones View Post
I take offense to your comment; I didn't consider myself a drama queen but when I was at that age my emotions ran rampant. When I was teaching (and I was actually teaching freshman so they were older) I would have to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing at the things these kids stress about. I remember one girl being hysterical because another girl had told everyone else she hadn't started her cycle yet and she was already 15! Ahh the horror! Yes there are some that are extremely mature and there are some that aren't. My point is 14 is still young, the body is still developing (most times faster than your brain) peer pressure is really starting to kick in, etc.

I grew up with 3 brothers, I can just imagine 1 of them telling their other 14 and 15 year old friends they were in a bedroom with a girlfriend with the door closed on the 3rd floor while everyone else is on the first floor. Reputations all across the county would be ruined during intense games of Madden and bags of Doritos.
It was not my intent to offend. You do have to admit that what you described was a little out there. I have worked with kids all the way through high school age for years and years, and have known more responsible and mature 14 years olds than not.

My daughter, who is now 15 was still 14 and a sophomore in high school. She's mature enough that I trust her in her room with her friend with the door closed. She has no reason to talk about it at school or with other kids though.

14 is young, but why expect the worst when they are playing games or watching movies?
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Old 04-29-2009, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,112,687 times
Reputation: 35536
It's not a matter of trust or non-trust. Frankly, it just leaves too much open for misinterpretation. In my job, we have government contracts; we go through frequent training to make sure that not only do we not do anything that is improper but just as importantly, we must avoid the APPEARANCE of impropriety. That's it. Just the "appearance" is enough to cause potential problems. Same here. Just like natalayjones said - regardless of what did or didn't happen, the fact that they were in a bedroom behind closed doors is enough to spur on imaginations. Just because those kids are getting along now doesn't mean they will be 2 months from now. And there is nothing wrong with just saying something is improper. If I have a male friend and he stops by the house for me to show him something but DH is watching a game on TV, I certainly don't go upstairs to our bedroom to have a conversation there. Not appropriate - even if we both know nothing is going to happen. It's the appearance of impropriety. Nothing wrong with learning that.
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Old 04-29-2009, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,256 posts, read 15,793,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
It was not my intent to offend. You do have to admit that what you described was a little out there. I have worked with kids all the way through high school age for years and years, and have known more responsible and mature 14 years olds than not.
I understand, my example was meant to be extreme but yeah 14 was a great age for me because there was no grey area - there was no understanding - i hated something 1000% or I loved it a 1000% there's some freedom in living like that, not worrying about perception or consequences, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
My daughter, who is now 15 was still 14 and a sophomore in high school. She's mature enough that I trust her in her room with her friend with the door closed. She has no reason to talk about it at school or with other kids though.
Reputations were a big thing when I was growing up, especially since I was from a small city. Once you had one it pretty much stuck all through high school. For example, the kid might have friends over and they find something girly in his room so he tells him his girlfriend left it there when she was over. Now that could be all he says but then one of the friends takes it upon himself to tell his girlfriend that so and so are doing it (based on the sheer fact that they're alone in the bedroom and no other info) this girl probably tells other girls and now you have rumors running around school and parents not wanting their kids to hang out at your place cause you allow them to have sex in the house. I know as adults rumors are easily shrugged off but I've seen kids drop out of school and go into deep depression about things people say about them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
14 is young, but why expect the worst when they are playing games or watching movies?
I don't know but personally, I wouldn't have done it as a kid and I wouldn't allow my kids to do it. There's just too much that can happen - aside from sex.
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Old 04-29-2009, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,112,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natalayjones View Post
I understand, my example was meant to be extreme but yeah 14 was a great age for me because there was no grey area - there was no understanding - i hated something 1000% or I loved it a 1000% there's some freedom in living like that, not worrying about perception or consequences, etc.


Reputations were a big thing when I was growing up, especially since I was from a small city. Once you had one it pretty much stuck all through high school. For example, the kid might have friends over and they find something girly in his room so he tells him his girlfriend left it there when she was over. Now that could be all he says but then one of the friends takes it upon himself to tell his girlfriend that so and so are doing it (based on the sheer fact that they're alone in the bedroom and no other info) this girl probably tells other girls and now you have rumors running around school and parents not wanting their kids to hang out at your place cause you allow them to have sex in the house. I know as adults rumors are easily shrugged off but I've seen kids drop out of school and go into deep depression about things people say about them.



I don't know but personally, I wouldn't have done it as a kid and I wouldn't allow my kids to do it. There's just too much that can happen - aside from sex.
Apparently I can't rep you yet...
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Old 04-29-2009, 08:56 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,466,718 times
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I personally don't see anything wrong with it. Teens spend time in each other's bedrooms all the time.

If I thought something was happening that was inappropriate, I would put a stop to it, but playing games and watching TV is not inappropriate.
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,112,687 times
Reputation: 35536
Depends on who it is....I would not let my DD have a male friend in her bedroom. Just inappropriate. A girlfriend fine. A male friend or boyfriend - not happening.
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:11 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,466,718 times
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To each his own.
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Old 04-03-2010, 10:44 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,104 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
It was not my intent to offend. You do have to admit that what you described was a little out there. I have worked with kids all the way through high school age for years and years, and have known more responsible and mature 14 years olds than not.

My daughter, who is now 15 was still 14 and a sophomore in high school. She's mature enough that I trust her in her room with her friend with the door closed. She has no reason to talk about it at school or with other kids though.

14 is young, but why expect the worst when they are playing games or watching movies?
Why? Because you're supposed to be the parent and you're supposed to be smarter than your teenager. What is annoying is that you're not being honest with yourself. You are either weak and want to be liked or you're damaged and are intentionally screwing up your child's life so you can share in the drama. The third choice would be that you accept the responsibilty for your choices but you show no signs that you accept the likely consequences of your choices so that is not an option. Whoops, sorry for being honest. :-)
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Old 04-03-2010, 02:11 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 3,937,595 times
Reputation: 2164
Quote:
Originally Posted by freddyv View Post
Why? Because you're supposed to be the parent and you're supposed to be smarter than your teenager. What is annoying is that you're not being honest with yourself. You are either weak and want to be liked or you're damaged and are intentionally screwing up your child's life so you can share in the drama. The third choice would be that you accept the responsibilty for your choices but you show no signs that you accept the likely consequences of your choices so that is not an option. Whoops, sorry for being honest. :-)
You think parental trust is irresponsible? Interesting. If you raise your kids in a healthy mindframe, you have nothing to worry about when two kids want to watch a movie or play video games.
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