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I know for one...though we hit all the highlights....I never explained oral sex to my daughter! (She's 20, never got pregnant and is sexually responsible....so I don't think that damaged her in any way.)
I'm the same age as your daughter and never got an explanation of oral sex (or how to use a condom, STDs, emotionally consequences of sex, etc.) I looked it up myself because I knew it was something dirty and I knew how uncomfortable my parents were when they explained sex.
I don't think it's damaging to not mention it, I just think it's a good idea to mention certain things like, "If a guy has genital herpes and you perform oral sex on him, you can get oral herpes".
I'm the same age as your daughter and never got an explanation of oral sex (or how to use a condom, STDs, emotionally consequences of sex, etc.) I looked it up myself because I knew it was something dirty and I knew how uncomfortable my parents were when they explained sex.
I don't think it's damaging to not mention it, I just think it's a good idea to mention certain things like, "If a guy has genital herpes and you perform oral sex on him, you can get oral herpes".
I never said we didn't take about STDs and condoms and sex in general ...but i didn't give her details on how to give a guy a blow job either.
Sex was never made to be something dirty or forbidden to talk about....but it wasn't done on a time table.
If you are 20...how many kids have you had to have the sex talks with? Pushing the issue too soon with kids who are not ready can be as bad...if not worse than never bringing it up at all.
I can't comment to teaching boys because I don't have a son, but I have two girls. The first-born came in the house one day at the age of 4 or 5 and asked: "Is it true that a penis has to come to a vagina for a baby to be made?". My response was "Yes. But there is more to it than that and we can certainly talk about it". My girl said: "That sounds gross. I don't want to talk about it". Enough said for that day!
I just had the puberty talk (for girls) with my 10 yr. old. But she is keenly aware of how sex works because we live in an area where the wild-life is abundant. "Look Mommy, the deer are mating!"
As a child of someone who waaaaaaaaay over shared about sex in the name of education, I think that list is waaaaaay too young. My kids are 8 and 9 and when it comes to "the talk"...there isn't one. Right now they have questions and I answer them and feel them out for how much more they want to know. They let us know what is comfortable.
There was a more formal talk with then older kids when they were young, but it was because of something they had heard that was disturbing to them. They needed more definite answers. By the time we got into more (btw, I would never describe oral sex to a kid with more then 2 or 3 words) school had covered all the details. So we did the same, made it a topic along the way. Not "a talk".
I bought a book for my youngest about her body geared towards girls. All that is so much more complicated. Then again, maybe boy puberty is...I just didn't go through it. From the outside it looked like a cake walk next to what I went through.
Periods though...I mean, my kids know about them. Am I the only one who can't seem to keep the kids out of the bathroom when I am in it?
I answered on the other thread, but thought I'd post it here as well.
Our household has great open dialogue. My daughter, who will be 12 in a couple months, comes to me with MANY questions and I answer all of them honestly and openly. If she hears something at school, she usually comes to me to ask about it. If she hears something on the radio or on TV, she usually comes to me and asks about it. She knows she can come to me without shame to ask any question about sex/puberty - and DOES. So no, I'm not naïve about what my children may/may not know. What *I* know is that I'm doing right by my children by NOT talking about certain things before I know they are ready for it. With her, we talked about periods and pads and tampons about three years ago - because she asked about it. I probably would have waited a couple years until her early puberty started (I already had a book to read with her - it was on the shelf waiting for the appropriate time (I brought it down when she asked)). She hasn't started menstruation yet, but trust me - she's ready for it and is armed with complete information about what to do and carries supplies in her school backpack "just in case."
As for my son, he has asked me a few questions, but not as many as my curious daughter. But usually when I'm talking with my daughter, he's within earshot and hears what we talk about. I do know he has asked my husband a couple of "guy only" questions as well, which my husband has answered. (edited to add: he knows what will happen when he starts having wet dreams and that he can come to me or his dad with questions or concerns when they inevitably start).
They both got the "where do babies come from" talk in their 3rd grade year, but there was no fully detailed description of exactly what happens between the man and woman at that time. An 8 year old doesn't need that information (edited to add: that conversation did include mention of sperm and eggs, and who supplies them).
I heard stuff "on the playground" when I was a kid, too, and a 5 year old may ASK about how a penis and a vagina fit together because they heard something somewhere, but that doesn't mean they are mature enough to get a full descriptive answer.
I never said we didn't take about STDs and condoms and sex in general ...but i didn't give her details on how to give a guy a blow job either.
Sex was never made to be something dirty or forbidden to talk about....but it wasn't done on a time table.
If you are 20...how many kids have you had to have the sex talks with? Pushing the issue too soon with kids who are not ready can be as bad...if not worse than never bringing it up at all.
Um, I hope you don't think I was implying that a parent should teach their child how to perform sex, I was just talking about definitions. I remember when my brother (had to be 12 or 13 at the time) asked me why a group of guys were making a sexual gesture at a girl (blow job gesture). He had no idea that people do that...
Quote:
Originally Posted by JWEvergreen
I can't comment to teaching boys because I don't have a son, but I have two girls. The first-born came in the house one day at the age of 4 or 5 and asked: "Is it true that a penis has to come to a vagina for a baby to be made?". My response was "Yes. But there is more to it than that and we can certainly talk about it". My girl said: "That sounds gross. I don't want to talk about it". Enough said for that day!
I just had the puberty talk (for girls) with my 10 yr. old. But she is keenly aware of how sex works because we live in an area where the wild-life is abundant. "Look Mommy, the deer are mating!"
The sex talk with her will be easy I think!
Glad to know that your daughters feel comfortable asking questions!
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
As a child of someone who waaaaaaaaay over shared about sex in the name of education, I think that list is waaaaaay too young. My kids are 8 and 9 and when it comes to "the talk"...there isn't one. Right now they have questions and I answer them and feel them out for how much more they want to know. They let us know what is comfortable.
There was a more formal talk with then older kids when they were young, but it was because of something they had heard that was disturbing to them. They needed more definite answers. By the time we got into more (btw, I would never describe oral sex to a kid with more then 2 or 3 words) school had covered all the details. So we did the same, made it a topic along the way. Not "a talk".
I bought a book for my youngest about her body geared towards girls. All that is so much more complicated. Then again, maybe boy puberty is...I just didn't go through it. From the outside it looked like a cake walk next to what I went through.
Periods though...I mean, my kids know about them. Am I the only one who can't seem to keep the kids out of the bathroom when I am in it?
No, you're not the only one. I remember walking in on my mom and saying, "I didn't know they made band-aids for vaginas. What happened?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl
I answered on the other thread, but thought I'd post it here as well.
Our household has great open dialogue. My daughter, who will be 12 in a couple months, comes to me with MANY questions and I answer all of them honestly and openly. If she hears something at school, she usually comes to me to ask about it. If she hears something on the radio or on TV, she usually comes to me and asks about it. She knows she can come to me without shame to ask any question about sex/puberty - and DOES. So no, I'm not naïve about what my children may/may not know. What *I* know is that I'm doing right by my children by NOT talking about certain things before I know they are ready for it. With her, we talked about periods and pads and tampons about three years ago - because she asked about it. I probably would have waited a couple years until her early puberty started (I already had a book to read with her - it was on the shelf waiting for the appropriate time (I brought it down when she asked)). She hasn't started menstruation yet, but trust me - she's ready for it and is armed with complete information about what to do and carries supplies in her school backpack "just in case."
As for my son, he has asked me a few questions, but not as many as my curious daughter. But usually when I'm talking with my daughter, he's within earshot and hears what we talk about. I do know he has asked my husband a couple of "guy only" questions as well, which my husband has answered. (edited to add: he knows what will happen when he starts having wet dreams and that he can come to me or his dad with questions or concerns when they inevitably start).
They both got the "where do babies come from" talk in their 3rd grade year, but there was no fully detailed description of exactly what happens between the man and woman at that time. An 8 year old doesn't need that information (edited to add: that conversation did include mention of sperm and eggs, and who supplies them).
I heard stuff "on the playground" when I was a kid, too, and a 5 year old may ASK about how a penis and a vagina fit together because they heard something somewhere, but that doesn't mean they are mature enough to get a full descriptive answer.
I guess my list wasn't clear because people seem to think that I mean to go into great detail. Just a simple definition. Glad to know your kids feel comfortable asking you.
At age 4-5, please tell children about the placenta and what their belly button was for. I have talked with 10 year old girls who were totally grossed out because they thought that the baby was eating and ****ting inside their mother. The relief on their faces was obvious when they learned the truth. Children should grow up knowing that as soon as they learn where babies come from.
Agree completely. My daughter is 11 and I've had frank talks with her about sex and puberty for close to two years now.
My son is 8 and I can't even say the word penis without him collapsing on the floor in hysterics. He's not getting a sex talk anytime soon.
Tell him if he laughs Monsters will snatch in and travel with it into another dimension > : ). I will make a great parent .
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