Play Before Homework (ideas, punishment, games, parents)

[L'esprit de l'escalier]

I just read through a now closed thread about how to get children to complete their homework, and the posters all had good ideas. Apparently, it was a fake thread. Still, the issue is valid.

One suggestion I want to make that is contrary to what was made about getting right down to business first with no play is to do the opposite. Last year we were doing what's always been suggested, homework before play, but then I read a compelling article suggesting the opposite.

When children come home from school they're stressed and tired just like parents from work. They need a break. It's especially good if they get some exercise by playing outside and even more so with some friends. It doesn't have to be long. Just a half hour. Then a snack if they didn't do that first and then homework. And that play can include video games (which I despise). We'd previously not allowed them at all during the week, but went to a half hour a day.

The idea is that not only do they need a bit of stress relief just like adults, but if they have to wait for that reward they'll be thinking about it through their homework or rushing through it to get to the reward. There are always bigger rewards and punishments to use for when they still don't do what they're supposed to do.

Keep in mind that positive reinforcement means that the reinforcement is positively correlated. It does not mean it's a good thing the way we commonly use the phrase. So, take a look at the connections of what's happening every day and see if there are positive reinforcements happening that you don't realize are happening that aren't good. Look up behavior reinforcement and think about the definitions of positive and negative reinforcement and positive and negative punishment. Go to Wikipedia. They explain it pretty clearly with examples. It's a good place to start.

Also, it's important to know that a reinforcer is not a reinforcer unless it reinforces. Say what? If you've ever watched Dr. Phil you've probably heard him say that "Everybody has their currency; you have to find it." We do not all respond to the same common reinforcers. Many parents use candy to reinforce potty training. That did not work for my son for one moment. But when I found his reinforcer from that moment on he had only one partial accident on the way to the potty and one full one. That's it. Boy, he could hold it when he knew the consequences. And I didn't use positive reinforcement, either; I used negative punishment. That is, I took something away each time he had an accident until he had a successful potty again. Instant success. I found his "currency" or the reinforcer.

It's not a reinforcer unless it actually reinforces the behavior you want it to reinforce. Don't forget that. If it's not working then move on to something else. I wouldn't use anything that physically harms a child, scares them, nor humiliates them. I just want to make that clear. But you never know what someone's reinforcer will be. It could be negative punishment by taking away their favorite sandwich, of all things. It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous. It only matters if it matters enough to them to work. I wouldn't force a daughter not to wear any makeup to school if she wears it (no humiliation), but I might tell her she can't wear her favorite article of clothing or nail polish until she corrects her behavior. You know how important those things are. You have to find THE THING that works.

Of course, you also want them to do what they're supposed to do because they are supposed to do it. That's another issue. This is just getting them there until they see they can. Or in some cases where that might not happen. Also, as far as what else might be going on with a child, those issues need to be addressed, too, but I wanted to address the issue of reinforcers and trying a new approach regarding giving children a little downtime first before homework. Even if they don't have a lot they have their own stressors. What seems like little things to us are big things to them. They'll appreciate you as a parent if you acknowledge this fact while still maintaining the boundaries of a parent.

[BirdieBelle]

It's common sense to me.

I don't sit right down to do the bills at home after a long day in the office.

Kids are people too.

[Kibbiekat]

It depends on what else we have going on that day. If the weather is nice and we have no where else to go, I encourage the kids to play outside before coming in for homework. If we have to be at soccer practice in an hour, then they need to start homework as soon as we get home. I don't have trouble getting my kids to finish their homework, though. They may whine about it, but they always finish.

[hml1976]

I prefer my kids to get right to their homework, after a quick snack, because once they get going on playing they aren't interested in stopping. I don't have a problem with a small break before homework but leaving it a lengthy time doesn't work for us. My husband always says "work before play" and I think it's a good lesson.

My mom always used to insist we played for an hour after school before homework and all I remember thinking was "crap, I have all this work to do!" And not enjoying myself and then being tired when I actually had to work.

I think it probably just depends on the kid, the homework, and what else you have going on that day.

I should add that my kids both get three recesses a day at school so lots of energy breaks.

[Momma_bear]

I think it depends on the family's schedule. When my kids were small they played sports and practices were usually around 6:30. They got home from school around 3. They had to finish their homework before practice or they couldn't go to practice that day. Since practice was at the park, the kids who didn't have practice wanted to play at the park. They couldn't play at the park until their homework was done.

Like you mentioned, my kids wanted to be able to go to practice, or play at the park in the evenings. To do that they learned that they had to do their homework first. It was their currency.

Different kids have different currency. You have to find what works for your kids. Now my older two are in college and I have no idea when they do their schoolwork.

My youngest is still in HS and I don't micromanage his workload anymore. However, practices are immediately after school. He usually comes home, eats and showers and then does his schoolwork. He doesn't like to be up late doing schoolwork so he does it right away.

[rrah]

My S used to come home and complain about sitting for 6 hours from the time he was in 1st grade. I knew he didn't sit that entire time, but I understood what he was saying. He needed a release for a bit. Depending on the work load, homework usually came after dinner. I always gave him time to play after school though. A family member was complaining/seeking advice on her S that would not do homework right after school. He messed around for hours while pretending to do the homework. I suggested that she allow him an hour of "do nothing" time. Turns out he needed that for many reasons. He's a great student now from what I understand.

[Mattie]

I never had my kids begin homework right after school. During the school year, it's often dark before 5:00. If they did the work first, they would never get outside to play. School-play-homework-dinner worked for us.