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I remember that happening to me when I was young. My nosy mom found by stack of Penthouse magazines way back inside my closet. I had other stuff on top of them so they would not be easy to see in the dark closet. She threw them out and didn't say a thing to me about them, but I got the message. Not a big deal after that, although one of those copies was of a famous model and if I had known that then and found some way to hold on to that copy, I know I could have gotten a lot of money for that one particular copy and it was in mint condition.
That was the only thing that bothered me about losing that stack of magazines.
Moms should not get involved with their son's sexual development. It NEVER
ends well, no matter how hard they try. This was something the father or a
father figure should have handled.
As a mom I agree with this. Actually, porn doesn't offend me, but illegal drug use, smoking, and excessive alcohol offend me. So if I found porn in anyone's bedroom I am ok with that.
The boy is 14. The mother found Hustler mags from the 1980s. She took them, confronted him with them in front of the whole family (including grandparents), and sentenced him to weekly therapy for 3 months.
I am told he is in therapy because she is convinced he is a sex addict just because a few of the pages were stuck together. And yet, the mags are nearly 30 years old! How does she know they weren't in that condition before he got a hold of them?
I feel sorry for the chap...and I am happy to report I have heard he has been uncooperative with his therapist.
That is the absolute worst thing the mother could of done. Porn, rather it be magazines, photos, normal sex videos, or even hardcore 3 way gay tiger rape on top of a house outside at night is a healthy outlet, especially for a teenager with raging hormones. It doesn't even matter if it's gay porn or some type of freaky fetish porn. Everyone has sexual preference and teaching someone otherwise is exactly what the 21st century has done a good job at stopping.
All you done now is created an awkward relationship between the teenager (the victim) and sex vs his parents. Now he will never be open to talking to you about sex, or relationships at his school. By making him go to therapy, you are giving the message sex is a negative thing. Sex itself is the entire basis of relationships and even making friends of the opposite sex. He will probably never have a friend, who just happens to be a girl, over at his house, because in his mind that will only trigger the awkwardness that was first manifested by the sex therapy at age 13. Teenagers are much more aware of what their parents think then what their parents think they are aware of.
This happens in a lot of teenagers, including myself in some aspects. The parents over-react to what is actually normal behavior. The teen wants to avoid recreating that tension or even punishment if the parents are the "grounding type", so they hide it. Hiding their secret girlfriend leads to sneaking out at night. Sneaking out at night leads to stealing their parents car. Etc etc etc, you get the point. Hiding one aspect of their life leads to hiding 30 aspects, and pretty soon they do not communicate beyond a "yes" and "no" level and their approach to their parents is me vs "what they think is me". You end up with a cluster**** of communication issues and possibly mental issues later in life if you raise your children like this.
I wish I could actually find this teenager, and speak to him myself and tell him the errors of his parents ways. Parents are almost always right when it comes to raising their children, but disciplining is not raising. Disciplining is correcting behaviors and this is where a parent who isn't a dick is important. Sure parents do good when they raise their children by taking them out for burgers, going to grandmas house, seeing movies, etc etc, but the moment the child sticks his finger in his nose and the dad slaps the **** out of him, there are 1000 different consequences. I encourage parents to discipline their children through example and through positive reinforcement. Building good character starts at the logic level for the child and not psychologically manipulation like hitting them.
These things change with society. 200 years ago (pretending pornos existed) finding such content would NOT be acceptable at all. This is probably because sex wasn't so casual or as easy to obtain as it is today. I bet in the future marijuana use will be normal and tolerated by parents once it becomes legal nationwide.
For the record, I remember the first time I saw a naked woman (a flash game where you clicked the mouse to take off her clothes) and the first hardcore pornstar I ever watched. It's an important time for your child. One that does not involve their 45 year old intolerant mother. I do not see in any way shape or form how a mother should be involved or can relate to that situation.
That is the absolute worst thing the mother could of done. Porn, rather it be magazines, photos, normal sex videos, or even hardcore 3 way gay tiger rape on top of a house outside at night is a healthy outlet, especially for a teenager with raging hormones. It doesn't even matter if it's gay porn or some type of freaky fetish porn. Everyone has sexual preference and teaching someone otherwise is exactly what the 21st century has done a good job at stopping.
All you done now is created an awkward relationship between the teenager (the victim) and sex vs his parents. Now he will never be open to talking to you about sex, or relationships at his school. By making him go to therapy, you are giving the message sex is a negative thing. Sex itself is the entire basis of relationships and even making friends of the opposite sex. He will probably never have a friend, who just happens to be a girl, over at his house, because in his mind that will only trigger the awkwardness that was first manifested by the sex therapy at age 13. Teenagers are much more aware of what their parents think then what their parents think they are aware of.
This happens in a lot of teenagers, including myself in some aspects. The parents over-react to what is actually normal behavior. The teen wants to avoid recreating that tension or even punishment if the parents are the "grounding type", so they hide it. Hiding their secret girlfriend leads to sneaking out at night. Sneaking out at night leads to stealing their parents car. Etc etc etc, you get the point. Hiding one aspect of their life leads to hiding 30 aspects, and pretty soon they do not communicate beyond a "yes" and "no" level and their approach to their parents is me vs "what they think is me". You end up with a cluster**** of communication issues and possibly mental issues later in life if you raise your children like this.
I wish I could actually find this teenager, and speak to him myself and tell him the errors of his parents ways. Parents are almost always right when it comes to raising their children, but disciplining is not raising. Disciplining is correcting behaviors and this is where a parent who isn't a dick is important. Sure parents do good when they raise their children by taking them out for burgers, going to grandmas house, seeing movies, etc etc, but the moment the child sticks his finger in his nose and the dad slaps the **** out of him, there are 1000 different consequences. I encourage parents to discipline their children through example and through positive reinforcement. Building good character starts at the logic level for the child and not psychologically manipulation like hitting them.
These things change with society. 200 years ago (pretending pornos existed) finding such content would NOT be acceptable at all. This is probably because sex wasn't so casual or as easy to obtain as it is today. I bet in the future marijuana use will be normal and tolerated by parents once it becomes legal nationwide.
For the record, I remember the first time I saw a naked woman (a flash game where you clicked the mouse to take off her clothes) and the first hardcore pornstar I ever watched. It's an important time for your child. One that does not involve their 45 year old intolerant mother. I do not see in any way shape or form how a mother should be involved or can relate to that situation.
ps, op is a horrible parent
You owe the OP a public apology.
Assuming you are new around here be careful when posting if you are not going to follow a topic.
Jesus, Mom, do you have no idea how young men think?
If you even mention that you found the porn in his room, you will so embarrass him on such a profound level that it might screw him up for years about how he handles sex and women.
He will never look at you with the same eyes again, because now His Mom Knows.
And forget about him ever trusting you -- EVER -- with anything that he might have otherwise come to you about (drugs, suicidal thoughts, etc.).
I admire your flair for the dramatic but calm down a bit. Part of my job as a parent is raising men. Men have sex and as they mature they need to understand the difference between real sex and pornography. As I've stated ad nauseum I would NOT shame him. We've already discussed a myriad of sex related topics from how a woman gets pregnant to what happens during puberty to women's monthly periods. You see, we don't act like sex is taboo in our home. Because it isn't. Sex isn't perverted or dirty or bad or something to be hidden away. That is the difference in our home from others, probably others who've posted here who are "pro-porn." We are very matter of fact about sexuality and other aspects of life in our home.
I absolutely reject your prediction because we've already spent years building a relationship with our kids that would preclude them believing we find their actions shameful or disgusting. Wrong, yes. But certainly not a judgment of their character.
I'd much rather have my teenage son looking at porn than doing drugs. What I mean by porn is what I consider normal porn. No homo ****, bondage, animals, etc.
I would rather my teenage son not:
do drugs
drink alcohol
watch porn
steal
cheat
vandalize property
These threads always end up in a false equivalency that states teens MUST do something wrong or immoral. Otherwise they are not normal or you (me) are lying about teens that exist without doing any of the above. Some of you have a very low opinion of children and teens in general and it comes out in these threads loud and clear.
Adding as I will further address the following from your above post:
Assuming you are serious discussing anything with a minor is a very bad idea, unless of course you have permission from the parent.
In this case the parents should probably be excluded from this stage of the teen's life. A doctor or someone should talk to him and explain the misjudgment of his parents. You have no idea how scarring going to therapy for having pornos will be for this individual.
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