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I have a boy and a girl. My son will occasionally push his sister or slap her leg or something like that in the middle of the argument, no one has ever really been hurt. We have found that what usually happens is they are arguing about something and my daughter can and will use mean language to get at her brother while he doesnt say mean things but may push her.
It's a relatively rare occurrence and we punish both kids when it happens.
We have three sons, and hitting was just not tolerated in our house. Adults didn't hit children, and children didn't hit each other. Arguments were allowed to be settled between the parties involved, as much as possible. When they couldn't work it out, whatever item caused the disagreement was lost to both.
Punishment. If one person hits another, that person loses their most favorite things (phone, computer, video game, etc) for a period of time (days, or a week). It just takes constant reinforcement. I think if it's been an "accepted" behavior for a long time, it will be a hard habit to break. It just takes persistence.
They rarely fight in front of me so I never know who the aggressor truly was.
Oh my kids used to fight all the time . My middle child would loose her temper and she would slap her brother and then she would be put into time out and when he hit her back he would go in the time out chair . Neiither one of them liked it at all and it seemed to squash the fighting but every now and again they would be back at it ...My ex husband tells me that is normal he and his siblings fought all the time and their mother spanked them all the time for it . But in my opinion it is not normal and should not be tolerated and punishment should be handed out .
Have you heard of the book "Siblings Without Rivalry"? It is such a huge help, especially for when if feels like breaking up their fights is making the situation worse.
I second this advice. Great book, with very usable techniques--both more effective ways to intervene when kids are actively fighting, and also ways to parent to cut down on rivalry generally. It's by Faber & Mazlish, who also wrote the great How to talk so kids will listen...and listen so kids will talk.
That said, my brothers and I fought pretty regularly growing up, usually minor but occasionally escalating; I don't know that my parents handled it the best they hypothetically could have, but our family was otherwise pretty functional and now that we're grown we are all still very close (though not geographically). My husband says he and his sister didn't fight at all growing up, but now they aren't close at all, either. I think he mostly has always lived his life as if she doesn't exist .
My own kids will occasionally get physical, mostly when a game they've been playing gets out of hand (like play duels that turn too real). They used to squabble more over things like property and precedence, but we've mostly worked through this. Clear schedules and other parameters are especially important here: we have a rotation for who goes first in the shower, digitally-enforced limits on screen time, etc. so that they have an outside assurance that they are getting a fair shake. (The most brilliant form of this I know is the "one cuts, the other chooses" method of dividing things.) The youngest still occasionally hits when he gets frustrated--us, too, not just his sibs--which is something we're still working on. Their fights have never escalated to the point that my brothers and I did, so to me that's success .
My twins had their first fight when they were just seven months old (it's in their baby book), over a single set of toy keys when we were stuck in a doctor's office waiting room. They were physically tugging on it and kind of crying/yelling at each other; there may have been swatting involved, as well. So I do think there's a certain amount of this that is natural, depending on the personalities of the kids involved.
I have two boys and they fight a lot. It is impossible for me to be in the same room with them all the time and at their ages I shouldn't have to be. If anyone has suggestions on how to curb physical fights, I'm all ears.
If they fight they both get punished. It doesn't matter who started it. If there are consequences to their actions they will stop. You have to be consistent and allow their cries of "not fair" to fall on deaf ears. Fighting should have predefined, severe consequences.
If they fight they both get punished. It doesn't matter who started it. If there are consequences to their actions they will stop. You have to be consistent and allow their cries of "not fair" to fall on deaf ears. Fighting should have predefined, severe consequences.
So you really think if one sibling starts a physical fight both need to be punished? Sometimes both are responsible but often times there is one sibling that is the instigator....why not adress that dynamic rather than just punish. All the teaches is that parents don't care if one beats the crap out of the other.
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