a mess of an interracial parenting issue (ADVICE)

[empireghost]

If this is real: MYOFB!

[convextech]

Mind your own business. Seriously.

I have a coworker who comes to me about her husband who has been cheating on her for 26 years, won't get a job, won't help homeschool their kids despite being home all day, and refuses counseling. It's the same story over & over. I finally had to tell her not to tell me anything anymore since she obviously isn't going to do anything about it.

[JanND]

Adult like affection???....I think she should be praising him....a few mths ago he was only going along with it to appease her........She needs to stop being jealous....she is making this natural loving relationship into something that is negative....Seriously....She may need counseling to get a grip....
But, using you as her counselor is totally inappropriate....Especially sense you have some skewed outlooks of the loving affection this man has developed for his adopted daughter....You need to look at this personally.

Tell your co-worker that this has gone beyond the normal "coffee chat" and refer her to a professional. ...Then...
Like Marlow said....Stay out of it!

[cjmeck]

I'm a mom who has both given birth and adopted; and my adopted child is another race. It can be very hard for some people to adjust to adopting a child; adopting a toddler with a history of trauma is an especially difficult task. Dad is doing EVERYTHING right. When you adopt transracially, your ENTIRE family becomes transracial. You embrace that child's culture, immerse yourself in it. When you bring any child in your home, the child is the center of your universe. I love my husband, but my children are my absolute SOUL. IMO, your co-worker is the one with the issue. You should suggest she see a counselor experienced with post adoption depression. Its a very real thing; I watched a friend go through it.

[JWEvergreen]

The dad sounds like a great dad! (Although I don't like tatoos personally). His words were not at all inappropriate. My husband has said he would lay down on a rail-road track for our girls. (He didn't say he would do it for me, but that's OK - I wouldn't want him to)! No jealousy. I love seeing them have their own personal time together. Then I get my personal time with them. Moms and dads have different things to bring to the table to help the child grow and feel loved. As children grow, they will run to daddy for one thing and then run to mommy for another. It's all good. I can't count how many times one of my girls has come to me and started the conversation with: "Please don't tell dad this". (The conversation is usually about "girl stuff").

Your co-worker needs help.

[G-fused]

It's obvious. The guy loves his daughter too much. And he's way too into helping her to not lose sight of who she is and her culture. I would definitely leave him too. He sounds loony.

OP, it’s totally up to you to help by befriending this woman and lifting her up as much as possible. You should start by getting a tattoo of her face on your back to let her know how much you support her. Make sure it’s of her full torso and is bare breasted to indicate that she is beautiful and shouldn’t be made to feel insecure by her wretched husband. It’ll help her to feel good about herself and show that people like her too (not just her daughter).

[GoFigureMeOut]

I agree the race of the child really isn't the issue here. The couple adopted, Dad bonded instantly, Mom didn't and now she feels left out and resentful.