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No I don't clear every choice I make for my children. I make sure they didn't already ask my husband. There's a difference.
I understand you are getting off on the idea that I am under the power of my husband in some way but it would be nice if you stuck with what I actually said.
I may not have a problem with my child going to his friend's house but if my husband already said no, then the answer is no. Same as if I already said no. Got it yet?
My husband was usually not at home when these issues came up. Even so, when he was at home, if the kids asked me if they could go somewhere I didn't say, "have you checked with your dad" on a regular basis anyway. I might have asked if he and I hadn't discussed our plans for the day yet, e.g. maybe he wanted to go to the Mall (believe it or not, he liked to do that years ago), or had some other plan that precluded an outing to a friend's house. This of course became less of an issue once the kids could be on their own a little, for example, when they could come home (or be brought home) and stay home alone if we went somewhere else. Of course, if we had family plans, that took precedence over going to a friend's house.
If the kids tried to play one of us off the other, and I don't remember that ever happening though it's possible it did, that's a different issue.
My husband was usually not at home when these issues came up. Even so, when he was at home, if the kids asked me if they could go somewhere I didn't say, "have you checked with your dad" on a regular basis anyway. I might have asked if he and I hadn't discussed our plans for the day yet, e.g. maybe he wanted to go to the Mall (believe it or not, he liked to do that years ago), or had some other plan that precluded an outing to a friend's house. This of course became less of an issue once the kids could be on their own a little, for example, when they could come home (or be brought home) and stay home alone if we went somewhere else. Of course, if we had family plans, that took precedence over going to a friend's house.
If the kids tried to play one of us off the other, and I don't remember that ever happening though it's possible it did, that's a different issue.
Oh so you did things differently than I do? Imagine that!
I can't even figure out who you're angry with. Your daughter? Why? Because she played one parent against the other or because she took a bike ride with her friend and the friend's grandparents? I see nothing wrong with that bike ride. Adults were along with the kids.
Kids going on bike rides is fine, as long as they're paying their own way.
My daughter went to dad first thing this morning putting him on the spot (because she was doing facetime with this friend), and asked to go on a playdate with her at her house.
He said no.
Then, about 2 hours later she sucked me into this playdate by putting me on the spot when we were on our way out to go shopping.
So, she goes to this friends house, I go shopping by myself, and then I go pick her up and the first thing she tells me is how she went biking to some store about a mile away with this friend! I tried to stay calm, until we left because this could have turned ugly...
Now, in the car she tells me this girls grandparents went with them....
Here's the problem:
1. Neither myself or my husband were thrilled with this today; he already said no once, but forgot to tell me since he didn't think she was going to come to me with it.
2. I never meet these "grandparents". Not once, I have no idea what they look like, how old they are, and how "bike safe" they are, I only meet the mother, and her father is obtuse at best; he never says "hello", or make chit chat. He's really weird...
3. She knows she's not allowed to go out to other places when on playdates, let alone biking; we live in FL, no bike lanes, and drivers are not used to see people walking or bikers. She hasn't biked in at least 7 months....
4. She's 10, not 15 or older...did not have a phone with her either; I usually give her my spare phone when she goes on school trips etc.; today did not have a phone since I didn't expect this at all. I thought they were playing nice at her house!
5. She knows I text with her mom, and she didn't text me to at least let me know she'll be out wondering with people I never meet.
6. NO, we are not close with these people; her best friend moved away, and she's been seeing this girl once in a while type thing. She is an only child and VERY spoiled/gets away with everything type. I don't raise my kids like that.
7. My husband decided to throw a temper tantrum at me because I grounded her! He's a jerk, and seems to think we live in the 70's still! He does not parent these kids at all...all he does is yell, and ignore everyone so he can play games on his ipad!
So how "OK" is this with y'all?
I would be angry. I think you raised some valid points/concerns. If the tables were turned and I had someone else's child at my house I would not leave them in the care of my parents. Because that is essentially what that mother is doing- pawning off the responsibility of minding your child onto her parents (whom you've never met).
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