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Old 02-19-2015, 04:39 PM
Location: South-Western USA , desert
442 posts, read 331,858 times
Reputation: 562


Counseling is a good idea for your family . . . though you can't make everyone want to be a part of it.

Even if you are the only one to get counseling, it should help you, and help you know what to do about the rifts in your family.

Reading the following articles can also help you to see the difference between relationships that work, and those that don't . . . help you to figure out what will need to occur to turn things around . . . and --at this point-- what your next step needs to be . . .

"Secrets of Successful Stepfamilies"
- The Unique Challenges of Stepfamilies
- Stepfamily Success Profiles
Table of Contents — Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY
(a series of 2 articles)

"How to Be a Good Father"
How to Be a Good Father — Watchtower ONLINE LIBRARY

"Apologizing—A Key to Making Peace"

"How to Be a Good Father"
How to Be a Good Father: Five Bible Principles

"When Marital Disagreements Arise"

"How to Make Your Family Life Happy"
How to Make Your Family Life Happy | Bible Teach

I've never known any family that was truly applying the principles found in the Bible, that was not very happy & content.

Unfortunately, we can't make other people want to cooperate with even the best of efforts toward gaining a happy family life.
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Old 02-19-2015, 06:00 PM
Location: Minneapolis
271 posts, read 233,756 times
Reputation: 389
You need to do something about the way she treats your kids, otherwise they are going to grow to resent you.
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Old 02-19-2015, 06:06 PM
3,760 posts, read 2,924,451 times
Reputation: 12012
She's taking things away from the kids that belong to them and you just let her???

What is wrong with you? If you don't stand up for those kids, who will? Those kids are yours and will be forever. Your wife hopefully wont be around much longer.

Those poor kids. What kind of example are you setting for them? YOu should be ashamed of yourself.
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Old 02-20-2015, 08:58 AM
1,094 posts, read 767,730 times
Reputation: 2248
Divorce her before you loose your kids.

I divorced when my boys were 12 and 18. Husband had custody because I only had minimum wage job and could barely support myself. He remarried 2 years later. My boys loved her at the beginning, but that didn't last. He married her on a weekend and didn't tell the boys until a month later. They weren't happy, but they got over it.

When my finances got better, the older son moved in with me. I was buying a house and I wanted my younger son to come and live with me and I bought in the same school district he was in. He hated living with them. Shortly after we moved into the house, my younger son told his Dad that he wanted to come and live with me. He was 15 at the time.

He went to school one day and came home (to his Dads) to find all of his clothes bagged up on the front porch. They threw him out. He was a teenager for God's sake and he wasn't any worse than any other teenager is. He would try calling and would try to go to the house to see his Dad and they just ignored him. He used to cry at night wondering why his Dad wouldn't make up with him. I called and my ex told me that my son mouthed off to him and he was teaching him a lesson. He wrote him a letter and I bet the wife trashed the letter. She blocked my phone #, so my son couldn't call him anymore. My kid loved his Dad and couldn't do anything to repair the relationship. He even ran into his Dad & the wife at the grocery store and they wouldn't speak to him. After a couple of years, my son gave up.

My son was an outgoing, funny and compassionate kid. He was involved in the JTROTC in high school and was involved in the Sea Cadets since he was about 14. He joined a special enlisted Navy thing where he would be active for 2 years and then Reserves for 2 years. I was proud of him. He was 20 and he comes home for the Reserve part. The wife died and my son was finally able to have a relationship with his Dad again after 5 long years. She never told him about all of the phone calls or any attempts my son had made. Regardless, they made up.

My son is turning 21 and I'm nervous as all hell regarding the alcohol. He is celebrating as many of us have at 21. He went out with his Dad and brother for dinner and drinks 4 days after his birthday. He ended up going back out very late that night alone. I talked to him in the AM and he was fine and he was even giving me "dating advice" hahaha He went to sleep around noon and I had an early date. I returned home around 7 PM and wanted to show him the flowers my date bought me. I knocked on his door several times. When he didn't answer I opened his door to find him lifeless. I panicked to say the least and screamed for my older son to come. He's a paramedic. My boy was dead.

I know that all I ever did was love my kids. I know that I never turned my back on my sons. I know that when I was in a relationship with a man that saw fit to shower his kids with stuff and only give the bare essentials to mine, that I didn't want a life with that kind of a person. I'm thankful that I didn't marry him.

I'm sure my ex regrets the 5 years he lost with my son. It was a time that he could have been so proud of him.

My life was richer for the 21 years I had my son. I can feel comfortable in life knowing that I've only tried to do the right thing.

You can maybe find another wife if it's that important to you. You can never take back the years of a child that you throw away if that child dies.

I wish you all the best.
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Old 02-20-2015, 10:02 AM
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,649,581 times
Reputation: 5537
If she is helping you raise those kids then the argument "They are my kids" really isn't valid. I'm getting the feeling that your gripes are not as accurate as you are portraying here. Anytime someone portrays their mate in the most negative light I have to wonder. Usually I have found that the said complainer is glossing over a lot of their own issues. I can already see you playing parts in the issues but constantly going behind her back and reversing her decisions. Throwing the "They are my kids, not yours" is just adding insult to it as well. I think you need to see a counselor with your wife so you can both get your grievances out in the open.
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Old 02-20-2015, 03:09 PM
3,362 posts, read 3,288,304 times
Reputation: 8630
The fact that you made the same post nearly a year ago, and haven't seemed to do anything to protect your daughters from your abusive wife, makes me feel that you're not going to do anything. I feel sorry for your girls. You know they are being abused, and you have done nothing to stop it.

Does your marriage work well otherwise? If not, then why would you stay with this person? It sounds to me like she's going to treat you like this, too, eventually.
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Old 02-20-2015, 04:56 PM
6,822 posts, read 3,148,905 times
Reputation: 2379
You are not a victim. If you do not like how your children are being treated, take responsibility for it. You are allowing your children to be mistreated.

Children do not forget a parent who did nothing when they were treated badly by the other parent.
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Old 02-20-2015, 06:37 PM
3,284 posts, read 6,315,104 times
Reputation: 8308
Stepparenting situations are almost always toxic, in my experience and from people I know who have had stepparents. There is no way on Earth I would marry a woman with kids, and if I get divorced, I wouldn't remarry until the kids are grown and out of the house.
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Old 02-20-2015, 06:55 PM
Location: Raleigh NC
5,290 posts, read 4,594,445 times
Reputation: 13279
OP hasn't come back. His wife took away his computer.
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Old 02-22-2015, 01:39 PM
436 posts, read 307,862 times
Reputation: 645
The kids aren't going to be in your house forever, but these years will make a big impression on how they will remember their childhood home. If you want a relationship with them in the future, I suggest changing things now.

The in-laws have no place in this, and I think you were wrong to go to them. Of course they're going to take her side. The best option for them would have been to tell you they don't even want to hear about your marital issues with their daughter, and refuse to say anything.

I would overwhelm your wife with love and affection separate from the issue with the kids. If she's secure about her place in your life, there shouldn't be a power play issue with your kids. And she needs to back off with the kids, and that's something that is non-negotiable. Point out to her that they're older teens and will be leaving the nest soon, and then she can have her kitchen table as clean as she wants to keep it. It's not like she's in for another 10-15 years of this. It's, what... 2-3 years?
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