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I think this sums up my thoughts best. I'm really trying not to be condescending here, and I fully get that there are other avenues to happiness and personal fulfillment. At the same time, my marriage and my family have become, much to the surprise of my younger self, the bedrock of all that matters in my life.
I would never have thought of it that way, because my parents did not have a happy marriage. I was in the camp of skeptics, very leery of the prospect myself. Until I met my wife.
It's one of those things you really cannot describe to someone who hasn't gone through it. It's like describing skydiving or an orgasm or performing in front of a large and appreciative audience. It's an experience that you can try to understand intellectually, but until you go through it fully, you'll never get it on an emotional plane -- the plane that really matters.
To me, the great sadness of those who refuse to even consider a relationship is that they are spurning the opportunity to experience life at its richest and fullest. It is the chance to fully come to grips with the rhythms of life, no matter how maddening and time-consuming it might be. It is the equivalent of walking down a street in New York and forgoing a dozen world-class restaurants in order to eat at the Olive Garden. Or passing up the chance to see a live concert because you download that artist's music to an mp3. Or not going to Paris because you can buy a Fodors guide for less. In that sense, the insubstantiality of the boyfriend/girlfriend of the month is thin gruel compared to the real thing.
The past is not prologue. The bad impressions you have of relationships from the dysfunction of your parents or other people is not an indicator of how yours will be. Instead, loving relationships come for wisdom, from the choices you make. Not only in the person you choose to walk through life with, but in how you choose to treat that partner everyday and how you allow yourself to be treated. In my own life, I learned from my parents' strange and awkward marriage and applied those lessons to my own. As a result, I can tell you with absolute conviction that the past does not dictate the future.
Thank you, CPG. I appreciate your additional perspective
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
I can't imagine anyone saying those things. It seems so bizarre. I'm pretty sure my kids will end up with a partner because they're normal and have me as their Mum.
Djuna, without fail I appreciate how you cut through the BS and get to the heart of the matter. Your modesty is also endearing
If my kid came to me as an adult and said that to me, I would certainly not be surprised, because I KNOW that person better than anyone. All the signs and predictors would be there...whatever the cause of that Point of view or predilection on that adult child's part would be known to me.
Since I love that child unconditionally, I would support whatever choices he/she makes. And do whatever I could to see that child reach his/her own potential/dreams/goals.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
That's how I feel, too. I would feel like I did something wrong if my children thought that romantic love was something to be avoided.
These are a rather small proportion of our society, but asexuals are a real sexual orientation. Some studies show them to be the same percentage as homosexuals in society. So, it might be someones nature to just have no interest in sex.
I realize these people can have interest in romantic love and that these things are different, but I'm sure a fairly decent chunk of asexuals would have no interest in dating.
These are a rather small proportion of our society, but asexuals are a real sexual orientation. Some studies show them to be the same percentage as homosexuals in society. So, it might be someones nature to just have no interest in sex.
I realize these people can have interest in romantic love and that these things are different, but I'm sure a fairly decent chunk of asexuals would have no interest in dating.
C-D, a very interesting question. I know quite a few here have grown children and more have younger children. What if your child when they become an adult has no interest in dating whatsoever? What if they came to you and said they had no interest in marriage, romantic love, or having children? Would you feel something is wrong with them?
I have no interest in marriage, dating seriously, or having a family. I'm an only child and I don't really discuss my feelings on love with my mother and only talk relationships with very trusted friends. Mom is probably fine with me not having children or not marrying.
No, my son cares less about dating, he is happy being single and doing his own thing. i don't see anything wrong with that.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Nope never felt like I was in love with someone.
Well, does your doctor say that your testosterone level is normal? Or you just have never had exposure to many women in real life? Went to an all boys school?
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moe'sTavern
Neither have I. But then again, I've never confused being in love for simply having the hots for someone.
I do think there is a qualitative difference between the two. I am attracted to 80% of the women I encounter to one degree or another but have only found five or six whom I felt like I loved. I just can't understand someone with normal levels of sexual hormone never finding anyone about whom they felt that way. Unless perhaps you haven't had much exposure to the gender you find attractive.
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