Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It is hard to explain. When the baby is coming out of body, when I'm feeding him the first time, when he is smiling at me at the first time, when he called me mummy the first time, when he started the first move, the love rises from heart
I think a lot of people fear that they won't love their babies the way they're supposed to, but it's not something people talk about much.
But you end up loving them enough when they're born. I think it's a chemical thing that happens, some sort of hormonal response to the baby, just like the way that the baby crying can trigger your milk to flow.
I worried that I wouldn't love my babies the way I was supposed to, and when my oldest was in NICU and I wasn't spending all day every day with her, it was easy to feel distant from her. I got over that once she was home. With my youngest, the feeling was there right away.
You may go through stages where you don't like your kids very much when they're older but that instinctive love carries you through those stages. Although it can be useful to point out to the kid that you love them because that's your job as a mommy and you'll always love them, but that doesn't mean that you like them all the time.
This is an excellent post that completely answers the OP. /thread
I keep hearing people insist that whether or not they were actually planning children, once they had them, they had love for them like no other, it was fulfilling, unconditional love, etc etc.
This all sounds all well and good, except I honestly find it hard to believe. How do you truly love someone just for the sake of having come out of your body, especially when it's just a baby? Feel responsible for caring for it, yes. But actually loving it?
For me, love takes time. And two-way interaction. And positive experiences. Etcetera...
If the pattern were something more like the mother feeling an initial narcissistic interest in her newborn - being fascinated and protective of a living creature as a piece of herself; and gradually as the infant develops having her feelings expand, become warmer and deeper toward the infant as a separate human creature....would this be a problem in some way? (Other than it would fly in the face of the presumed cultural pattern, of course.)
As a male observer, it has always seemed to me that what I recognize as love really blooms incredibly as a child goes into its second year. It is at this point that I see the woman really come alive with love for a child and not fascinated with a dependent "bundle." The change - to me - seems very impressive and very commonplace, and thoroughly wonderful to see.
But then she had her own. She could not believe how much she adored her daughter. When her little girl was a month or so into life, her husband said to her one night, "I really love our daughter, but you will always be first in my heart." She said she was speechless because she couldn't return the sentiment. She said her first thought was, "If it came down to it, I would kill you to save her."
I don't care what anyone says, I doubt that anyone wakes up every hour in the middle of the night to feed a baby and thinks "Oh, my sweet little angel who I love so much wants to be fed. I can't wait to go and provide my darling angel with sustenance," no matter how much they love their child.
I'd be willing to wager that most think, even if they don't say it out loud, "F***, the baby's crying again."
I know that it's not uncommon for that bond to take a while to form. That's why I was taken by surprise when my baby was born. They handed him to me and I knew him. I expected there to be some awkwardness as we got to know each other. But it was nothing like that. It's like I knew exactly who he is from the moment he was born. It was a rather incredible experience. I was one of the lucky ones, to get that immediate bond and I'm very grateful .
I don't care what anyone says, I doubt that anyone wakes up every hour in the middle of the night to feed a baby and thinks "Oh, my sweet little angel who I love so much wants to be fed. I can't wait to go and provide my darling angel with sustenance," no matter how much they love their child.
I'd be willing to wager that most think, even if they don't say it out loud, "F***, the baby's crying again."
Of course you might, but because you love them, you feed them rather than toss them on someone else's doorstep, ring the bell, and run.
If the pattern were something more like the mother feeling an initial narcissistic interest in her newborn - being fascinated and protective of a living creature as a piece of herself; and gradually as the infant develops having her feelings expand, become warmer and deeper toward the infant as a separate human creature....would this be a problem in some way? (Other than it would fly in the face of the presumed cultural pattern, of course.)
As a male observer, it has always seemed to me that what I recognize as love really blooms incredibly as a child goes into its second year. It is at this point that I see the woman really come alive with love for a child and not fascinated with a dependent "bundle." The change - to me - seems very impressive and very commonplace, and thoroughly wonderful to see.
That second year was so much fun. Watching the mind grow and soak up the world.
I keep hearing people insist that whether or not they were actually planning children, once they had them, they had love for them like no other, it was fulfilling, unconditional love, etc etc.
This all sounds all well and good, except I honestly find it hard to believe. How do you truly love someone just for the sake of having come out of your body, especially when it's just a baby? Feel responsible for caring for it, yes. But actually loving it?
For me, love takes time. And two-way interaction. And positive experiences. Etcetera
Infants are pretty much all the work/stress/energy without the interactivity that normally make children a joy to be around.
I can see myself gradually loving the child more and more as time went on, unless s/he was a complete nasty brat all the time.
But immediately? Instant unconditional love the very minute it was yanked out my innards? That doesn't seem possible.
Then again, even romantically I've never fallen in love quickly. It was a purposeful, gradual thing.
Also, I'm NOT saying I would dislike it or not treat the children with the utmost care. Just that actual love takes time -- and until then, my motivation would be duty and responsibility, as well as the love I have for my husband.
Is there something wrong with me? Because I've never heard of anyone feeling the same as me.
Well its all theoretical to you..... So you are getting a bit carried away with the thought process here.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
