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For me, the genetic connection is really beside the point. I'm sure I could love an adopted child just as much. I know it's a big deal for some people, but it wasn't for me.
I can see the flip side, though - if you have a child with someone your relationship doesn't work out with, you can see them in your child and find it harder to care for them. My mom was like that with me. She was always telling me I was just like my father, and it wasn't a positive comment on her part.
I studied psychology in college, and biology plays a huge role in a lot of the choices we make (even going so far as to choose a partner who looks like you, in order to preserve the gene pool). It is very interesting!
I definitely think you can love an adopted child just as much. Bonding is bonding! Whether it's pets, a child, a friend, a lover, etc....spending time with them, you just begin to love them. Loving is what we're primed to do.
I do think that it could be harder to love someone if you saw someone you disliked in them, as you mentioned. But it depends on the parent as well. I don't think that's a typical reaction, usually we love the things we see in our children that remind us so much of ourselves (or likewise when your kids inherit the things about you that you dislike, that can be tough, too!)
For me, the genetic connection is really beside the point. I'm sure I could love an adopted child just as much. I know it's a big deal for some people, but it wasn't for me.
I can see the flip side, though - if you have a child with someone your relationship doesn't work out with, you can see them in your child and find it harder to care for them. My mom was like that with me. She was always telling me I was just like my father, and it wasn't a positive comment on her part.
I KNOW that my sister loves her adopted daughter as much as I love my biological daughter. She said she always had a picture in her mind of what a daughter of hers and her husband's would look like, and when they placed my niece in her arms, she cried because she looked just like the girl she had always imagined. It's not about the genetics, as you said.
Re your other thought--my mother didn't like me when I was little because I reminded her too much of HERSELF, or at least the negative parts of herself that she didn't like. On the other hand, my younger sister had all the qualities of my mother that she was proud of, like being athletic, so she was the favorite. Until she got pregnant in high school, hehehe.
I would do the same I believe it must be a biological function of preserving your own gene pool. I feel closer to my kids because they are literally a part of me. It would be like having to choose myself or my husband. I love my husband, but at the end of the day, I love me more. Same for my kids. I love them more. I love my husband, I just feel more fiercely about my children.
If I had to choose between me and my kids, I would choose my kids. I love them more than anything, even more than I love myself.
It can be the protective thing, too. Your husband, for the most part, doesn't need your protection to survive. Your children do.
I dunno, I'm sure you're right but I don't see myself in my kids, either looks wise or personality wise. my husbands genes are really evident though, so I guess there's that...
I dunno, I'm sure you're right but I don't see myself in my kids, either looks wise or personality wise. my husbands genes are really evident though, so I guess there's that...
My daughter looks nothing like me. She looks more like her father, but she really most resembles his sister. We don't even look related. As a matter of fact, my daughter is very attractive, well above average in looks, and when people who only know me see her picture, they usually sort of gasp and say, "That's YOUR daughter?" before they realize what they just said.
I view her as a person separate from me, so that helps.
My child didn't become "my" child until she was 7. She is now 14. I fell in love with her soon after I met her because I made a commitment. And she is a lovable kid!
My child didn't become "my" child until she was 7. She is now 14. I fell in love with her soon after I met her because I made a commitment. And she is a lovable kid!
That's great. I know a woman who had a son by a man who, when she became pregnant, declared, "not mine" and just disappeared. When her son was two, she married a man who made her son his son. It's funny, because while the boy looks like his mom, she is blond and blue-eyed and he has the brown hair and brown eyes of his new father. Unless you knew, you would assume that was his biological boy. And it's obvious that he loves his son.
I also think the love/bond between a parent and the child is a lot different and stronger than even the bond between the parents, in some cases. Wives, Husbands, and lovers come and go (what is the divorce rate now .........something like 50% ?) but if you have the right kind of relationship with your kids that will outlast any marriage or separation.
I think it is because blood is thicker than water, and while kids are your own flesh and blood, your mate is someone who is not.
I disagree it's a hormonal or chemical reaction. We adopted our children and we indeed love them in a way that I find difficult to explain. But it is overwhelming and complete. Can I explain why? No, not really, except that they were very much wanted. But we love them more now then when we first adopted them...so my reasoning doesn't make a lot of sense does it?
Of course not everyone feels that way about their kids, which is obvious if you watch the news.
Adoption would cause the same hormonal chemical reaction, it's not something that only happens with pregnancy, and birth.
I also think the love/bond between a parent and the child is a lot different and stronger than even the bond between the parents, in some cases. Wives, Husbands, and lovers come and go (what is the divorce rate now .........something like 50% ?) but if you have the right kind of relationship with your kids that will outlast any marriage or separation.
I think it is because blood is thicker than water, and while kids are your own flesh and blood, your mate is someone who is not.
Don
Then how do you explain that husbands, boyfriends,wives, girlfriends usually come before parents and siblings. That blood thicker then water is a saying from when people used to leave on big boats for the new country and would likely never see their loved one again. It's used it the most stupid way these days.
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I believe it must be a biological function of preserving your own gene pool. I feel closer to my kids because they are literally a part of me. It would be like having to choose myself or my husband. I love my husband, but at the end of the day, I love me more. Same for my kids. I love them more. I love my husband, I just feel more fiercely about my children.
