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Yeah, I wouldn't worry about pointing out girl and boy behavior to him. He probably wouldn't get it at this point anyway. He'll pick it up later on.
The only time I'd say kids don't pick up on gender roles automatically is if they're, say, on the autism spectrum. But then they also have to be taught things like how a conversation works, how to make eye contact, etc. Most kids don't need to be taught those things.
I was a tomboy as a child and even used to say "When I grow up to be a boy". My parents never talked to me about gender identity or discouraged my personality. No one thought I was weird (but girls being tomboys is generally seen as OK while boys liking "girl" things generally is seen as a problem). However, never once did I actually think I was going to be a boy or should be a boy. Your kid is 3.5. Let him play with what he wants to play with, and don't confuse the tar out of him with taking about gender identity and cultural norms for genders.
That said, we still live in a society that has some rigid gender norms
Which is societies problem. Not yours. And certainly not your childs. Do not perpetuate those archaic nonsenses any more by feeding them into your child. Let them be who they are.
And rather than warn them "ostracism" may occour due to X or Y - perhaps simply take the approach of how to deal with "ostracism" in and of itself in general rather than specifically to any one thing. As well as the value of individuality and freedom.
And stop over thinking it too. At that age all of this is entirely normal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by daddymonkey
My only issue is to what extent -- if at all -- I, as a father, should be making him conscious of gender norms in the first place at this age
My daughter is 4.5 now and I have not moved to make her aware of any archaic notions such as "gender norms". On one part of a given day since she was 3 you might find me doing dolls with her - then later cooking cake with her - then later you might find us building with lego and mechanics - then later I would be teaching her how to wire a plug or read the instructions on whatever Ikea furniture I was putting together.
Not one activity or past time I have engaged in with her - that I can think of - was predicated or modified in any way at all by "gender norms". I simply have no use for the phrase - nor the concepts hidden behind it.
You want to talk to a child about "boy" or "girl" behaviour. try doing it here first. Unpack what you even think that means any more in a modern world.
I believe in gender roles in the traditional sense(not society's now evolved ideas about gender) and raise my son accordingly. He is a boy and he is the same age as your son. He's never watched shows that I felt were catered to little girls and doesn't play with dolls or fm toys that I feel are for little girls. It isn't necessarily intentional either. He has watched movies that sometimes felt feminine to me and I was fine with it. Overall however naturally I suppose I just sort of get stuff that's for boys.
It's pretty normal. My son has 3 big sisters and you can bet they dressed him up in tutus, painted his nails, and taught him to twirl. They even shaved his legs when they started shaving their own hahahahaha. He is 10 now and all boy. He wouldn't wear anything girly if you paid him to (although he did say he might like to shave his legs again someday lololololol).
It is so normal that you would be surprised by how many toddlers/ preschoolers do this. Many preschool boys live to wear the princess dress and high heels in the dress up sèction. It usually fades away by the end of kinder or first.
You can teach him whatever you want. You need to know, however, that he will encounter people who were taught differently.
As open as you are trying to be about gender expression, there are dads who are staunchly against anything like that, and their kids will point out any differences.
As a mom of three boys, I can attest that you won't be able to protect him from everything. The best thing you can do is be sure his sense of self is strong. Don't let him have a "reflected sense of self," in which he gets his worth from what others think of him.
I don't know why people always think that a boy playing with colorful toys is a sexual orientation thing. Adults are the ones that tell kids which toys are for boys and which ones are for girls. Kids just play. Yes boys will often gravitate toward cars/trains/dinosaurs and girls will gravitate toward baby dolls. But that doesn't mean that boys can't also be artsy and nurturing and NOT be gay! Give the kid some space and just let him play with what he wants to without giving him a complex about it.
I have three sons. Two played with more traditional "masculine" toys, one loves everything brightly colored and even likes to wear beads and jewelry. He's a lot like his Dad...Dad is very artistic, loves to paint, draw, create handcrafted colognes and write stories. He (Dad) is also incredibly nurturing...he was always the one to nurse a sick kid back to health when they were really, really sick. And I promise you he isn't gay.
Growing up, I hated girly things...dresses, dolls, girly colors. I dressed like a boy, had short hair, and many times was mistaken as a boy. Even joined the Army and was content wearing my combat boots and continuing to be a tomboy. I only grew out my hair a bit in my mid 40s lol. Still hate dresses, makeup and girly things. I do put on a little lipstick when I'm out and about but it is a very neutral color. Been married 30+ years and am relatively well adjusted (at least when my kids aren't driving me insane, lol).
My only challenge with my tomboy tendencies is understanding my daughter who is a girly girl and often forsakes common sense for fashion. Yesterday went for a long walk and all of us wore hiking boots. She argued til she was blue in the face and said we weren't hiking so chose to wear her stylish boots on a long walk along with light stylish non wind proof/waterproof jacket. She regretted it after 3 miles freezing and getting blisters but fashion still win out....ugh! We are all different and I've learned over the years to go more with the flow.
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