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I had a similar issue with my youngest around this age as far as holding it in and then it becoming hard and even more painful to poop.
Keep doing what you are doing as far as food and juice/water, but try cutting out all dairy (cheese and milk) as it can be extra constipating for some kids. Do NOT give mineral oil as suggested by another poster, but you can mix flax oil into applesauce, pudding, oatmeal, etc, sometimes even juice if it's in a cup with a lid and she won't see the oil mixed in it. She may have constipation issues for awhile. Try having her sit on the potty in the evening for 1/2 an hour to an hour and see if she can poop then when there's no pressure to go anywhere and she can be distracted with books. If she's not on a kids potty, put a step stool under her feet on the big potty so it gives her something to push against.
Another vote for a diet that softens things up. We travel alot - my daughter when she was younger really liked a sippy of milk as a comfort food - sometimes she would have too much dairy and get a little stopped up. Or she'd end up eating too much processed stuff...
Anyway, prunes and prune juice always helps. As does Kiwi fruit.
Id take a big step back. It does sound anxiety produced, but your anxiety is playing into it. I'd not mention it, just completely forget about it. Let her poop when and where she is wanting to. After a few weeks, restart with a very positive mindset. She earns a reward every time she poops in the potty, but still no power struggle. Let it be her choice. You could do it like a magic fairy brings a toy when she poops in the potty. Or mommy has a load of special gifts when she goes.
You won't have to do this forever and the prizes can get smaller. But the most important thing is to reset the process and unstress. You might hang out of the house for a while, but just have fun times.
My son had incopresis (I think I spelled that right) but I'm not really sure why. I think it's a control thing.
Seriously. Back OFF. Do not make any more of a deal of it. Pretend the issue doesn't exist. Don't even utter the word POOP. She knows what she's supposed to do. When she does it she will be a big girl. Until then... pull-ups. Deal with life on her time-table.
How we're potty trained can affect a lot of things later in life.
As soon as she started having issues I cut back her dairy which wasn't that hard because she doesn't really eat that much dairy products anyway. She eats cereal in the AM, so about 1/3 cup of milk, and she loves Greek yogurt so I give her that for lunch sometimes, and that's about 6 oz. The only cheese she eats is in the occasional grilled cheese sandwich or on a homemade pizza. The organic fiber bars seem to help some, too.
She does drink water throughout the day; we have some fancy drinkers from Pottery Barn my mom bought and both our kids love to drink out of them so I fill those up several times a day.
I defiantly agree that my anxiety about the whole situation is not helping matters and I know she picks up on it even when I'm being cheerful/encouraging. I just want it to be easy and comfortable for her to poop! Kids have to deal with so much already and I don't want her to hurt in any way
My son had incopresis (I think I spelled that right) but I'm not really sure why. I think it's a control thing.
Seriously. Back OFF. Do not make any more of a deal of it. Pretend the issue doesn't exist. Don't even utter the word POOP. She knows what she's supposed to do. When she does it she will be a big girl. Until then... pull-ups. Deal with life on her time-table.
How we're potty trained can affect a lot of things later in life.
Can she talk to you about it?
She will tell me that it hurts when she has to go but otherwise she hides it and will run and go to her room to change on her own. I also believe that she is trying to control things; she's the youngest and seems to be trying to gain her own sense of independence.
I'm wondering if I let her pick out a special potty on her own if that will help. She wasn't interested in them before but the last time we were shopping at Target she pointed one out to me.
No offense, but i'd clench it up as well if I had folks constantly chasing me down to poop, and waking up to someone literally trying to attack me from behind (pun intended)!!!
As long as she's been checked out by a doctor and there is nothing wrong with her, i'd:
RELAX. BREATHE. Your stress and constantly dragging her around town to (in a roundabout way) get control over her pooping is freaking her out. (no disrespect) LEAVE HER BE!!
I'd leave the potty there and not make a big deal about it. Also, no full-of-chemicals Miralax, Maalox, etc....i'd keep giving her the whole, unprocessed foods she obviously seems to like and make sure there are plenty of waters and juices available....make infused waters together, have watermelon, kiwi, etc around for her to munch on.
I also wouldn't force the eating issue.....she's eating when she's hungry which is what we should all be doing LOL.....when she gets hungry, she will eat.
Poor girl....I have my fingers crossed for her. If you (parents) relax, she will too.
My daughter used Miralax for a few months when she was 4 due to some pooping problems she had. We went through some of what you went through as well (horrible, horrible experiences trying to use suppositories/enemas). Her pediatrician started her on a 1/2 capful of Miralax (I don't remember the ml/oz dosage, sorry) for 2 weeks, followed by halving the doses every 2 weeks. Should she have any issues with using the restroom, we were to revert back a dose and try another 2 weeks. Apple juice, prunes, oatmeal, beans... all the fiber foods were recommended.
That being said, if I were you, I would look to another pediatrician for a second (or third) opinion. Sometimes, there are cruddy doctors who don't always advise in best interest of your child-- after all, that's patient #15 out of 35 they have to see that day. :/ But I would probably want to try another pediatrician before moving on to a psychologist. I'd also ask my pharmacist what they recommend for a child having severe potty issues, just to see what they recommend. (It's usually just a small trip to the corner pharmacy, and if you're there for laxative/fiber things anyways, it never hurts to ask.)
And again, like others have said, your anxiety can play a part in your child's own anxiety. I know it's difficult to watch them go through something like this, and trying to relax can feel almost wrong, but you really can help your daughter better if you're able to think more clearly and calmly about what's going on.
Edit to add-- I would DEFINITELY do the the picking out a potty thing. My daughter picked out one that came with stickers and she had a time putting them all over the thing!
I am so, so sorry you are going through this, it is very tough. I would put her back in pull-ups and tell her when she is ready to go on the potty let you know. Don't make a big deal out of it, let it be her 'thing"
Please please follow your doctor's advice and use Miralax. Your fear of it is misguided and it is mild and safe and often used by people DAILY for YEARS with no ill effects. It is not absorbed into the bloodstream - it stays in the bowel. It is not toxic as you imply. You can mix it with any drink she likes and it is tasteless. Currently my father uses it every single day. It is the favorite medicine of my many doctors because it is so well tolerated and works so well with no side effects.
There are lots of wonderful suggestions here about behavioral changes you can do. But absolutely get her on Miralax.
You are really doing a great job. I'm so sorry this is so stressful. You will get through this and she will be ok.
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