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Old 01-15-2008, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
14,939 posts, read 10,008,401 times
Reputation: 17529

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Is there a magic cutoff period when

offspring become accountable for their own

actions? Is there a wonderful moment when

parents can become detached spectators in

the lives of their children and shrug, "It's

their life," and feel nothing?



When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital

corridor waiting for doctors to put a few

stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, "When do

you stop worrying?" The nurse said,

"When they get out of the accident stage." My

dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.



When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little

chair in a classroom and heard how one of my

children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,

and was headed for a career making

license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher

said, "Don't worry, they all go through

this stage and then you can sit back, relax and

enjoy them." My dad just smiled

faintly and said nothing.



When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime

waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come

home, the front door to open. A friend said,

"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry,

in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be

adults." My dad just smiled faintly

and said nothing.



By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being

vulnerable. I was still worrying over my

children, but there was a new wrinkle. There

was nothing I could do about it. My

dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.



I continued to anguish over their failures, be

tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in

their disappointments.My friends said that when

my kids got married I could stop worrying and

lead my own life. I wanted to believe that,

but I was haunted by my dad's warm smile and his

occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?

Call me the minute you get home. Are

you depressed about something?"



Can it be that parents are sentenced to a

lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another

handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of

human frailties and the fears of the

unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue

that elevates us to the highest form of life?



One of my children became quite irritable

recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've been

calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried."

I smiled a warm smile.

The torch has been passed.
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Old 01-15-2008, 04:40 PM
 
Location: South Dakota
733 posts, read 4,082,079 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2goldens View Post
Is there a wonderful moment when

parents can become detached spectators in

the lives of their children and shrug, "It's

their life," and feel nothing?
The answer is "NO" - even after the torch has been passed! That's what being a parent is all about.
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Old 01-15-2008, 10:35 PM
 
180 posts, read 887,794 times
Reputation: 162
LOL!

My daughter moved last year to another state. She called me every single day for 3 months. Once during a difficult moment while I was hurried and harried, she asked, "Don't you miss me mamma?"

I told her, "I haven't had a chance to yet! I talk to you everyday, sometimes 3 times a day!"

lol! As she acclimated, she called less. I worry if I don't talk to her at least 3 times a week.

She's 27
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Old 01-17-2008, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Twilight Zone
875 posts, read 760,063 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Triplewillow View Post
LOL!

My daughter moved last year to another state. She called me every single day for 3 months. Once during a difficult moment while I was hurried and harried, she asked, "Don't you miss me mamma?"

I told her, "I haven't had a chance to yet! I talk to you everyday, sometimes 3 times a day!"

lol! As she acclimated, she called less. I worry if I don't talk to her at least 3 times a week.

She's 27
Your daughter sounds like me! I'm 56 and still call my mother every day, sometimes several times a day.
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Old 01-17-2008, 09:27 PM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,224,866 times
Reputation: 2772
For mothers day one year, I wrote my daughter a poem and part of it said something like when she was little I use to hold her hand, now that she is grown, she holds mine. It was really pretty, I matted and framed it and she hung it on her living room wall for years. (Wonder what I ever did with that poem?)

I like this thing you posted and sent it on to my son's wife.
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Old 01-17-2008, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,718 posts, read 59,615,271 times
Reputation: 26823
It is not a curse or obligation, it is a privilege.

I am 44. I call or visit my parents at least three times a week I worry about them and they worry about me and we both worry about their grandkids.
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Old 01-20-2008, 02:23 PM
 
Location: San Antonio-Westover Hills
6,878 posts, read 17,817,169 times
Reputation: 5139
When you lose your parents, and then have your own kids, you find out just how amazing your own parents were. Just amazing.
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Old 01-20-2008, 02:31 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,210,149 times
Reputation: 1837
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs View Post
When you lose your parents, and then have your own kids, you find out just how amazing your own parents were. Just amazing.
I'll have to agree with you on that one...
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