cool parent vs. good parent (teenager, divorce, parents, daughter)

[LEVOW]

Right now you probably have read my post already, if not, heres the situation.My 2 kids basically started living with me fulltime, recently, before this i would only see them every other weekend.Too make a long story short, on those weekends i would waste all my time and money trying to entertain them, being the cool dad, but now.......[especially with my teenager]I need to start being a real dad, not just a clown their to cater to their every need, i find it very tough, especially since my daughter has always been "daddys lil girl" to discipline her but still be "cool"with her, and i told her, that their was going to bew times when she was going to get mad at me and think im the biggest [a hole] in the world.Question, how can i make a smooth transition from cool dad to fair sometimes cool dad.?

[Marlow]

I think you have to stop thinking about being cool at all and concentrate on being fair, patient, kind and consistent. (If you're already a cool guy, that will come through too.) You'll just have to take each situation as it comes. It's great that you've acknowledged to them and to yourself that things will most likely be different now. Keep the communication open and remember that they have lots of cool friends but only 1 dad.

I haven't read your other post but am curious--are they moving to your house because they can't get along with their mom? I used to work with families going through divorces and it seemed like as soon as a kid turned 14 or so they wanted to live with their other parent--usually thinking that the other parent would be "cooler" with them.

[regarese]

I'd say keeping them in the loop is a good start. And let them know their behavior is a big determining factor of how often they get the cool dad. If they're doing what they're supposed to be doing which means you don't have to discipline so much, then there is more time for the fun stuff. If the one is a teenager then they should be old enough to "get it".

[Coldjensens]

You just have to let it go. Jump in. You cannot ease into this. You are their parent, not their friend. Never forget that. You can be friends when they turn 20 or so.

You can be a "cool" type of dad and still be the dad. You do not have to become their cool bud. You will not be invited to sit on their bed and whisper secrets with their friends. You will not get to discuss how "unfair" parents rules are. You have to remain the adult. You are seperate. You are a "them" not an "us".

An occasional "I hate you" should be music to your ears. That means that you are doing your job.

[ladysrodgers]

Originally Posted by Coldjensens

You just have to let it go. Jump in. You cannot ease into this. You are their parent, not their friend. Never forget that. You can be friends when they turn 20 or so.

You can be a "cool" type of dad and still be the dad. You do not have to become their cool bud. You will not be invited to sit on their bed and whisper secrets with their friends. You will not get to discuss how "unfair" parents rules are. You have to remain the adult. You are seperate. You are a "them" not an "us".

An occasional "I hate you" should be music to your ears. That means that you are doing your job.

I agree with pretty much everything you said, except your last sentence. Telling anyone you hate them is just poor manners and poor character, let alone saying that to your parents.

[BstYet2Be]

Originally Posted by ladysrodgers

I agree with pretty much everything you said, except your last sentence. Telling anyone you hate them is just poor manners and poor character, let alone saying that to your parents.

Really? I thought it was a "Right of Passage" for all great parents!

[AlleyTD]

Originally Posted by Coldjensens

You just have to let it go. Jump in. You cannot ease into this. You are their parent, not their friend. Never forget that. You can be friends when they turn 20 or so.

You can be a "cool" type of dad and still be the dad. You do not have to become their cool bud. You will not be invited to sit on their bed and whisper secrets with their friends. You will not get to discuss how "unfair" parents rules are. You have to remain the adult. You are seperate. You are a "them" not an "us".

An occasional "I hate you" should be music to your ears. That means that you are doing your job.

Ditto, ditto....
Very well said.

[ladysrodgers]

Originally Posted by new2sa

Really? I thought it was a "Right of Passage" for all great parents!

lol, no I don't think so....I never allowed my kids to say they hated people....let alone, me.

I encouraged my kids to talk about what was bothering them, and to be able to describe how it made them feel. Likewise, I taught them how their actions or words might make others feel.

I don't mean they're perfect, but they are well-mannered and considerate adults now.

[BstYet2Be]

Originally Posted by ladysrodgers

lol, no I don't think so....I never allowed my kids to say they hated people....let alone, me.

I encouraged my kids to talk about what was bothering them, and to be able to describe how it made them feel. Likewise, I taught them how their actions or words might make others feel.

I don't mean they're perfect, but they are well-mannered and considerate adults now.

LoL... right back 'atcha! You soooo missed the point!

Just a hint, life is so much better when one does not take it so seriously.

[ladysrodgers]

Originally Posted by new2sa

LoL... right back 'atcha! You soooo missed the point!

Just a hint, life is so much better when one does not take it so seriously.

I realized you were being facetious "after" I hit send.....forgive me, I'm blonde! LOL