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This 9 year old is simply not being parented. He may also be borderline autistic. Autism varies greatly. Some patients are obsessive - compulsive and some are just shy. That is why they refer to it as a spectrum these days. It may be over-diagnosed. Your son needs to be seen, but beware of the "system". Whether or not he has autism, he still needs to be parented. Being a parent is a skill that is rapidly being lost in our society. It doesn't take a village. It takes two parents. Your son can be successful if you are a single parent, but he ought to have a mentor if that is the case.
OP, is your son a perfectionist? This all sounds like anxiety to me, and anxiety and perfectionism are known to go hand in hand at times.
Does he normally fight his bed time, or is he pretty good about it? I wonder if what happened here was that he realized he was hungry, and wanted to try out his independence by cooking himself an egg. Then when it all went wrong he felt anxious and frustrated, and that frustrated feeling combined with the added pressure of his approaching bedtime was more than he could handle and it overwhelmed him. Throw in low blood sugar if he was truly hungry and you have the recipe for a meltdown. (Of course if he routinely fights his bed time, this could have all been a ploy to stay up later...only you know your son well enough to gauge that).
"He's crying about how hungry he is but that he can't get any food..."
I may be over reaching, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's all connected. You say he often says he feels worthless; it's possible that the issues with cooking his eggs made him feel like he "deserves" to go to bed hungry, because he wasn't capable of getting a simple snack before it got too late. Kids with a combination of anxiety and self-esteem issues can be vicious when it comes to turning against themselves. It takes very little to make them feel they're incapable, and then when they feel that way about themselves they're just not equipped to pull themselves out of it.
I'm not sure I agree with the other advice that suggests you should lay down the law, take away his tablet except for weekends, force him to be in bed by 7, that kind of thing. If your child is reasonably bright, by age 9 you might have some luck involving him in the process of setting a schedule and sticking to it. That said, I agree that he shouldn't be on a tablet right before bed - but that applies to all of us because of the effect blue light has on the circadian rhythm.
Why does everyone think a kid can't be hungry by bedtime if he's had dinner a couple hours before??
There's nothing wrong with a bedtime snack. Plus your appetite can differ on different days - I know mine does as an adult! Sometimes I don't even want dinner and can go the day eating very little, other days I'll eat dinner and get hungry a few hours later at night. Same with my son, some days he won't eat much, others he'll be asking for a snack every couple hours. As long as it's healthy food I would never deny a kid a snack, I wouldn't starve myself regardless of the time so why would I do it to him?
The real issue here is not why the kid is hungry at 9, it's why does he have a meltdown over it and then refuse to eat when offered, as opposed to just telling a parent he's hungry and/or grabbing something from the fridge Maybe if it wasn't food, it'd be something else - meltdown over what book to read or what to wear to school tomorrow. It likely wasn't the first instance, otherwise OP wouldn't be posting. I feel like people are focusing on the wrong thing.
I agree. My boys the same age have a big snack every single night, even after a good size, healthy dinner. My husband insists he did the same thing at their age. They are active growing boys. Even I get hungry every 3 hours or so.
As you said, the problem is the meltdown, not the snack. Following a routine and limiting the tablet are good ways to start and see what happens, but I think there is more to this. The OP said his child feels worthless. That didn't happen because he is allowed some tablet time and has a snack after dinner.
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