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Old 02-15-2010, 08:01 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,437,255 times
Reputation: 47456

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no matter where you go, they got em. they take different form when you are 30 but they are still active. do not ignore it, the approaches you develop now will serve you thru life. no one approach is inapproapriate.
predators chase and hunt fleeing prey. unless you are much faster, come up with something better.
in k12 setting you usually dont have a bully problem you got a school discipline problem. no discipline, no school.
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Old 04-26-2010, 04:42 PM
 
1 posts, read 906 times
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I would like to know about actual programs that exist for dealing with young bullies of pre-school age. These programs could be implemented by teachers or mental health vendors dealing with this population. Please advise as to how to locate information.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:45 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,757,172 times
Reputation: 2524
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrumMom View Post
My son's been in his preschool for about five months now (he's four). We really love the teachers and the program, and my son is learning so much. But over the past couple of weeks we've become concerned about bullying. There is a group of three boys (the eldest ones in the class) and they are outwardly aggressive. I was first clued into this when my son came home from school, punched me in the leg and said "I'm going to kill you Mommy!" Turns out he'd been playing with one of these little darlings. Anyway, now my son has been pushed, punched in the arm and even bitten by these same kids. I have complained and the school has spoken to the parents. Teachers have witnessed this happening and have intervened several times. But here's the question - should I tell my son to fight back or tell a teacher? I have a friend whose son is in the same class and is also aware of this group of boys. She tells her son not to tell tales but to hit back. She believes that's the best way to prevent the bullying. I'm not so sure. My son is very gentle and shy. He's self confident enough but not aggressive at all. He's an easy target. I don't want to turn my son into a tattletale. I want him to stick up for himself, but I don't want to have him get into trouble for fighting. Thoughts? Anyone gone through this same thing? I can't believe I'm dealing with bullying already!
This is one approach I used, it worked. However, keep in mind there is no cookie cutter solution.
Our daughter came to me and told me this kids was shoving her and calling her name at the school bus stop.

I went to the bus stop and simply told him I am giving him the opportunity to stop bothering my daughter. If not, I would go to him parents and let them know. I did ask him if he wanted me to do the same to him as he is doing to my daughter so he sees how it feels. He replied "no". Than I asked him to please not do the same to my daughter.
He did not bother her anymore.
I gave him the opportunity to make a choice. After that I told him what were going to be the consequences of keeping bothering my daughter. Lastly, he saw she was not alone.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:33 PM
 
Location: CA
830 posts, read 2,285,541 times
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It's interesting that so many parents advocate/report success with telling their kid to just hit back. As both a preschool and kindergarten teacher, I have never once seen that work. When it did happen, it always seemed to make the original aggressor obsess even more on that one child.

I've also never seen a child of this age truly able to understand the difference between hitting in general and hitting in defense. One in my class whose dad told him to "Hit only in defense" punched a girl on the playground in the nose a few months ago because she tried to "play cat" with him and pretended to scratch him. (Btw, she wasn't afraid of him afterwards even though he'd given her bloody nose). Another one (a 3rd grader, in fact) kicked a first grader twice in the face the other day because when HE ran under her as she used the monkey bars, her foot kicked his head. But, "she kicked me first". *Sigh*
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Ontario
177 posts, read 398,324 times
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try to persuade your kid away from the bully. make the teachers aware of the situation. if no result, talk to the kids parent. then on to school admin. after around the 3 or 4th grade, have your kids prepared to handle bullies on their own unless they undergo extreme severe physical abuse.
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Old 03-03-2011, 03:39 AM
 
1 posts, read 742 times
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To Elsa Bracero and others: My 2 1/2 year-old son was bullied (being punched or told not to touch certain toys that were supposed to be community property) in a private Christian preschool over the course of 4 months, which I was not aware of, until he was bitten severely (infection, pus, scabbing and bruising) by the bully who had just turned 4 years-old. First, it was a mistake that the preschool placed my son, a younger child, into an aggressive older child's classroom. Second, the preschool admitted no fault for the lack of supervision. The director never apologized to me and was so defensive that she avoided meeting me. I took it a step above her and met with the superintendent, who did apologize to me and my child but found their school not at fault (of course!). My son's pediatrician and about twenty of my mommy friends emboldened me to contact the CA Dept. of Social Services Child Care Licensing Dept. They sent an investigator out to the preschool and found the school to be in violation of the said incident and cited the school, demanding a resolution immediately or risk losing its license. The preschool subsequently beefed up their discipline policy in their parent-student handbook. Good for the other kids who remained at the preschool. As for my child, it took him months to get over the fear of strangers and crowds. In the beginning, he had nightmares about school and woke up crying. On many days, he didn't want to go to his new preschool. He still has moments of anxiety to this day. Many people would consider him today as shy and introverted, but he wasn't before this incident. He was much more independent and outgoing than his older brother before this incident. I am praying that he is just going through a "phase" and that he would outgrow it. On most days, he is a happy boy who loves to laugh with glee. This I am pleased about after all we went through in the last 2 years.

Last edited by JustTryingMyBestMom; 03-03-2011 at 03:49 AM.. Reason: To finish up.
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Old 03-03-2011, 06:18 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,366,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustTryingMyBestMom View Post
To Elsa Bracero and others: My 2 1/2 year-old son was bullied (being punched or told not to touch certain toys that were supposed to be community property) in a private Christian preschool over the course of 4 months, which I was not aware of, until he was bitten severely (infection, pus, scabbing and bruising) by the bully who had just turned 4 years-old. First, it was a mistake that the preschool placed my son, a younger child, into an aggressive older child's classroom. Second, the preschool admitted no fault for the lack of supervision. The director never apologized to me and was so defensive that she avoided meeting me. I took it a step above her and met with the superintendent, who did apologize to me and my child but found their school not at fault (of course!). My son's pediatrician and about twenty of my mommy friends emboldened me to contact the CA Dept. of Social Services Child Care Licensing Dept. They sent an investigator out to the preschool and found the school to be in violation of the said incident and cited the school, demanding a resolution immediately or risk losing its license. The preschool subsequently beefed up their discipline policy in their parent-student handbook. Good for the other kids who remained at the preschool. As for my child, it took him months to get over the fear of strangers and crowds. In the beginning, he had nightmares about school and woke up crying. On many days, he didn't want to go to his new preschool. He still has moments of anxiety to this day. Many people would consider him today as shy and introverted, but he wasn't before this incident. He was much more independent and outgoing than his older brother before this incident. I am praying that he is just going through a "phase" and that he would outgrow it. On most days, he is a happy boy who loves to laugh with glee. This I am pleased about after all we went through in the last 2 years.
This is why I am so glad that a kind poster here on CD recommended a book to me called Protecting the Gift. In that book, I learned how to protect myself and my daughter. I have been interviewing preschools and, boy, are they in denial. I would give them scenarios and ask them why they think a child would behave like that. Never once did they consider the environment, the teacher or another student the problem. The problem was always with the child or her home life.
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Old 03-03-2011, 06:23 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,366,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
in k12 setting you usually dont have a bully problem you got a school discipline problem. no discipline, no school.
Right on. The problem starts with the principal and parents have to expose the laziness. The sad part is that those parents don't know they can do this. Another problem is that there are principals who will listen to parents but only those parents who come forward and ask the right questions. You will find the classes in each grade level to be separated based on these characteristics:

1. Good kids with parents who know that some classes are better than others/misbehaving kids with parents who know this and who want somebody to do the discipline for them

2. Good kids with parents who don't know better/misbehaving kids with parents who don't know better. You can find the worst bullies in these classes.
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Old 08-24-2013, 10:31 PM
 
281 posts, read 361,026 times
Reputation: 163
Hmm. Wow, the playdate thing worked? Interesting. Moderator Cut

Last edited by Jaded; 08-25-2013 at 03:24 AM.. Reason: Language use.
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Old 08-25-2013, 12:27 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,571 posts, read 17,962,548 times
Reputation: 5919
A bully that pushes or hits is to be Pushed or Hit harder in return.

I taught my boys/girls this decades ago when they were in school.

I also told them if in trouble with the principal at the office or school Deans office I would be there for a face to face discussion on a persons rights.

When you are attacked for any reason a person has the right to defend themselves regardless of their age.

I would use Pearl Harbor as an example as the US responded to the attack.
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